If There Were a Chance
by roselefontaine
Summary: Will has come to accept the reality of Deanna's relationship with Worf, and takes his own command, leaving the Enterprise behind. Will the future hold Deanna's death, as Captain Picard had seen in his time travels with Q? Or will Captain Riker forever pine away for his lost love and battle angry feelings towards his former best friend?


IF THERE WERE A CHANCE

Will paced the floor of his quarters, almost in a daze. He started in the living room, then passed the wall to his bedroom, then turned around and went back to the living room again. His head was aching, his heart confused. He wasn't sure how long he had been doing this. Finally, he approached his bathroom sink and stopped himself, placing his hands on the counter and peering at himself in the mirror. How had it come to this? He replayed over in his mind what the Captain had told them at the meeting earlier. "In the future that I visited, Deanna had died. You and Worf blamed each other for keeping her apart from each of you. You never spoke again. But this future isn't a sure thing, I believe we all have choices that can change our future." Will ran his hands up and down his face as he looked again in the mirror at his bloodshot and tired eyes. It had been a trying week. The thought of losing Deanna, either to death or to Worf, had jarred him in a way he hadn't expected. Their relationship had become so comfortable, that it had been awhile since he'd thought about them as lovers. He often still longed for her, even dreamed of her, but he suppressed those desires for the sake of the friendship. He thought back to when she had told him "not while serving on the same ship, Imzadi". He'd agreed with her then, and looking back realized he hadn't really been ready for that kind of commitment anyway. But when Thomas had come aboard, and they'd both admitted to each other in ten-forward that perhaps they'd made a mistake in not renewing their relationship, he began to think of her in that way again. The flow of their bond and love was always there, it was like a wild horse that they had tamed. And for that instant, Will had let it out of its stall and the feelings that came forth had overwhelmed him. But then he saw Deanna in a relationship with his duplicate, and he decided he'd better bury the feelings again. There was always someday. He knew, he just knew, that they would be together someday.

But now, for the first time, that was being called into question. His stomach clenched at the thought that he might lose her. He'd seen her with Worf on several occasions and wondered what was going on between them, but always told himself that of course, they were just friends. Now he was second-guessing everything. He thought back to a time Deanna had asked him a question. "What is it that you want, Will Riker?" He may, or may not, be on the verge of losing Deanna. What _did_ he want? He looked again in the mirror and saw his blue eyes staring back at himself. He studied them for a long time. He thought about the years of his life past, and the years of his life future. Could he see his life without Deanna? At that thought his stomach clenched so tightly that it caused him to gasp and his hands to clench the counter tighter. His heart flew open and a surge of emotions came rushing out. All the love he felt for her, all the tenderness and friendship, all that longing and waiting, her soft hair, her beautiful face. The way she tilted her head and smirked at him when she'd made a teasing remark. The way she touched his face when she was comforting him. The bond that had been so long denied that he'd forgotten what it felt like. A small moan escaped his lips as his heart released its pain. The pain they had shared. The ways he'd hurt her. He would never do that again. He couldn't contain himself any longer. He knew he loved her. He knew he wanted her. And for the first time, what he wanted now became more important than whatever excuses he may have. They belonged together. He knew it. She knew it. It was foolish to wait.

The meeting seemed to go on forever. They each had their assignments, and he and Deanna were going to be working together later that evening. He saw his opening. He would talk to her. "Deanna" he called after her as the senior staff was dismissed and she rose to leave. She slowly turned around, waiting for him to speak. "Would you like to have dinner tonight? Before we start our assignment?" He held her gaze with as much emotion as he was feeling in his heart. He wanted her to know that this was more than a friendly get together. She glanced down, and faltered for a moment, then looked back up at him. "Will, I….uh…..I mean _we_ have plans." As she finished Worf had turned around and come back into the room to stand behind her as if he was claiming his territory. Will's breath caught in his throat as he tried to speak. "I, uh….oh….OK. Have a nice time". Deanna smiled at him sadly as she and Worf turned to go. She looked back at him once more over her shoulder, as he stood there, stunned. What had just happened? He sat down slowly, alone in the observation lounge. Did Worf just threaten him - stake his claim over Deanna? Did Deanna just let him know that she and Worf were an item and he no longer had a chance with her? He couldn't get his mind around it, but he knew he needed to head to the bridge. He forced his legs to walk, though he couldn't feel them, and made his way to sit beside his Captain. Once his legs reached the chair he flopped down, with his elbows on his knees, staring off into space. His heart was racing. Had he lost his chance with Deanna? Had he lost his Imzadi? How could she be with Worf? They didn't have the same bond that she had with him! Why didn't she tell him? That was not a good sign that she did not tell him. Maybe he could ask her out for tomorrow night. Maybe they could talk about it. Will Riker's thoughts swirled around and around through his brain in a panic. He thought he heard something, a voice. Speaking. It sounded familiar.

"Number One! Are you alright?" Will snapped his head up at the sound of his Captain's voice. "Oh yes, yes I'm OK". He lied. Then he tried desperately to focus his attention on the conversation at hand.

That night Will had dinner in ten forward. He wanted to see Worf and Deanna together, to see if he could ascertain the status of their relationship. As he spotted them, and sat at a table far enough away that he could observe them without being noticed, he realized how pathetic he had become. William T. Riker, the man known for being able to have any woman he wanted, was now stalking his former lover and her current beau. He had become desperate, irrational. After almost 10 years of knowing his soulmate, it had taken the reality of losing her to finally shake him from his stupor. But now it might be too late. He didn't care, he'd stalk her if he had to, to get her back. He did not want to spend the rest of his life without her. He wouldn't survive it. Oh physically, he could, but his heart would suffer. He'd never be the same. He knew that now.

Will was able to stare from where he sat without too many people noticing. He focused on how they interacted, looked at each other, their physical body language. Then he saw something that made his heart stop. Deanna reached up and stroked Worf gently on the cheek. Just like she used to do to him. "I know that look in your eyes. You once had it for me" he remembered telling her when she was falling for Thomas. "Oh my god" thought Will. "They _are_ a couple." Before he could let that sink into his mind, Guinan appeared behind him with a bottle and a glass. She simply set them both on the table. She smiled knowingly at him, then turned to go. She knew. She always knew. Will grabbed the bottle in one hand and the glass in the other, and began to pour himself a drink. He downed it in one shot. Then another. Then another. By the third one his pain was starting to numb, but he still could not stop staring at Deanna. "_Imzadi_" he thought with all the sadness that was bubbling over in his heart. Deanna instantly swung her head around to look towards where he was sitting. He tried to duck under the table. She had heard him! He felt humiliated that he'd been caught, and was hiding under the table, no less. "You are a pathetic excuse for a man, Will Riker" he said to himself as he sat up again and rose from the table, bottle and glass in hand. "I'll pay you in credits next time I'm in" he said to Guinan as he quickly walked out of ten forward.

Worf saw Deanna snap her head around and turned to see what she was looking at. He turned just in time to see Will Riker walking out of ten forward with a bottle and a glass in his hand. He turned back to Deanna as she smiled at him half-heartedly. "Probably broke another heart" she shrugged her shoulders, hoping to throw Worf off. She looked down awkwardly as she tried to hide that fact that she knew. She knew. It wasn't someone else's heart that had been broken. It was Will's. And she was the one who had done it.

After an hour Will was feeling a little less innebriated and starting to get his bearings again. He leaned back on his couch with his head back on the edge, his chin pointing towards the ceiling. He hadn't finished the whole bottle. He didn't want to kill himself. Just numb the pain. But the numbing wouldn't last forever. He'd have to deal with it eventually. How had he lost Deanna? Didn't she feel the same way he did? Didn't they always have a sort of secret agreement between them that they were only meant for each other? His mind was still swirling when his door chime rang. "Come" he said, rubbing his head. Deanna walked in. The last person he expected to see. "Shouldn't you be with Worf?" he said, sarcastically, still rubbing his head and not looking at her. Deanna didn't answer but came in and sat down on a chair facing him. "Imzadi" she whispered. "Don't call me that!" he snapped back at her as she jumped slightly at his tone. She calmed herself and leaned forward slightly. "You will always be my imzadi" she whispered again. "But Worf? What is Worf? Is he your imzadi too?" Will chuckled angrily. Deanna smiled and looked down. She smoothed out an imaginary wrinkle in her lap. "Will, I didn't know….." but before she could finish Will had stood up and began walking purposefully behind and around her. "Didn't know what, Imzadi? Didn't know I still had feelings for you? Didn't know I was still in love with you?! How could you not know? You're an EMPATH for god's sake!" Will's anger boiled over as he continued to stalk her around the chair. Deanna sighed and leaned back. "Will, please sit down". For a moment Will stood, frozen, having no intention of doing what she said. Then he realized how foolish that was and decided to sit. "Will" she tried to take his hand but he pulled back. "Will" she said again. "I was trying to respect your privacy. We were both keeping the bond muted and I didn't think it was right for me to try and search your mind to find out if you still felt the same way." Will thought for a moment, then buried his face in his hands. "God, I'm an idiot" he said out loud. Of course Deanna would be thoughtful of that. Of course she wouldn't force her way in. It was his fault. It was his fault for not telling her. For waiting too long. He peeked up at her through his fingers to see that she was smiling. He tried to gauge how she was feeling. "Deanna" he started softly. "Would it have made any difference if you had known? I mean….with you and Worf?" He was unprepared for her answer. Without hesitation she said "Yes".

For awhile they simply stared at each other. Imzadi to Imzadi. Will's heart was beating faster. Could there still be hope for them? "What if I told you now? What if we started again and I said "Deanna, I love you. I still love you. I never stopped. I want you back. What then?" Deanna's heart broke at the look of hope on Will's face. She looked down, fiddling with her hands. "Will" she started, a serious tone to her voice. "Worf and I… have made a commitment." Will's heart sank. "You…you…you're engaged?!" he gasped. Deanna chuckled. "No, Imzadi, we're not engaged. But we have committed to seeing each other exclusively to see where this relationship takes us. We both are wanting to give it a chance." Another moment of silence passed between them. Will was feeling more sad and more humiliated as the conversation went on. He too was looking down at his hands. After another moment he took in a deep breath. "Deanna…..have I lost you?" He could not look up into her face. Deanna sighed. "I'm not sure what that means, Will." Will was quiet for a few minutes, then he tried again. "Do…do you love him?" The stark quiet in the room mirrored the weight of the question. It was deafening silence. It was as if the walls of the apartment shattered and came falling down around them. Then, she spoke. "Yes, Will, I think I do."

The door slid open and Deanna walked out. Worf had been waiting for her in the hallway. "How did it go?" he asked in his deep voice as he placed a hand around her waist and they began to walk together. Deanna looked back to the door she had just left. Her heart was aching. "I don't think it went too well. I think, in time though, he'll be able to accept it." Worf tightened his grip on her. He knew too much was at stake here, that the bond between his girlfriend and his commanding officer was a strong one. "Well, I hope so" he said gruffly as Deanna looked back one last time, wondering if Will would ever talk to her again. Wondering if she had the capacity to survive on if she lost him completely.

Worf walked Deanna back to her quarters and proceeded to follow her in. She turned around and gently placed her hand on her chest to stop him. "Worf, I think I need to be alone tonight" she said with as much tenderness as she could. Worf's face turned to an immediate scowl. Deanna patted his cheek as she smiled. "It's OK" she whispered. "I told him we were exclusive. He knows I'm committed to you." Worf's scowl eased a bit. He still did not want to leave, but understood that sometimes she needed her space. "I'll see you tomorrow, Deanna" he said as he kissed her on the cheek.

Deanna entered her apartment as the door slid shut behind her. She stood for a moment in the dark, and then called for half-lights as she walked over to the replicator and asked for a mug of hot chocolate. Her hands were trembling as she tried to lift the mug, her legs slightly shaky as she walked over to the couch and sat down. She just stared across the room, her heart and mind swirling with emotion. Will loved her. All this time. Her heart searched for that bond that had been buried for some time now, and there it was. It bloomed almost in front of her, filling her being with the sense of him. The sense of this man she loved so much. And always had. She worked really hard to keep her heart from calling out to him. He had been so broken when she left him. She had wanted to take him into her arms, to just hold him. Deanna sighed as she sank back into the couch. Now she was committed to Worf. She knew she couldn't explore her relationship with Worf while hanging onto both of them. She knew, as a counselor, that it was important to move forward, to leave the past behind and walk towards the future. But she also knew, as a woman, how very difficult that would be.

After Captain Picard's trip through time with Q, things settled down slightly on the Enterprise. They had several routine missions and star mapping, and then the Captain granted his senior staff shore leave while they were docked at earth for a refitting and a conference that he and Deanna were supposed to attend.

But the thing that Deanna feared most was happening. Just as the Captain had predicted, Worf and Will had become distant, forsaking their friendship for feelings of hurt and betrayal. Worf knew Will felt the he was the one that belonged with Deanna and Will knew that Worf felt he had won. No matter how juvenile the feelings, they both felt that their egos had been hurt, and were having a hard time moving past it. Things were worse for Will and Deanna. After a decade of deep and sustaining friendship, their relationship became strained. They had both tried to continue as they had been, but Will's heart was too wounded, by his own sense of timing let alone the fact that his imzadi belonged to another. Deanna thought she could juggle the two relationships, the one with Worf and the one with Will, but she found her thoughts drifting more and more to a certain bearded first officer than a stalwart Klingon. Then she'd feel guilty and recommit to Worf, working harder at their relationship. When she had to spend time with Will, doing crew evaluations, in meetings, on the bridge, it was difficult for her to curb her feelings. She tried to act as professionally as possible without betraying her true feelings, and Will was slightly cool to her as well. They no longer did crew evaluations in each other's quarters, but always in ten forward. They always said goodbye to each other when finished, both attempting a half-smile. But Will knew it was over. He knew their friendship would never be the same.

"One moment Chief O'Brien! I'm coming around the corner right now!" Riker bellowed through his com to the transporter chief as he ran down the corridor and rounded the corner through the doorway. He had been running late for the 10:00 beam-down as the Enterprise was almost empty with everyone on shore leave. Panting heavily he stepped up to the transporter pad just in time to see Deanna standing there, her eyes sad and searching his. He paused for a moment, then stepped up beside her and said "Two to beam down, Chief." And with that the white glitters surrounded them and took them away. When the beam cleared they were both standing in Starfleet Central Transporter Room. Due to the time, it was nearly empty and more quiet than either of them was used to. They both just stood there for a moment, neither knowing what to say. Will was looking at his feet and Deanna was looking at him. The tension and heartache between them was palpable in the air. Deanna took in a breath and decided to speak first. "Where are you headed off to?" Will looked up at her, into her eyes that had so captivated him and said "I'm going up to my cabin in Alaska. It's been a long time." Deanna smiled and nodded her head. "And you?" he said as he shyly looked back down to the ground. "I'm accompanying the Captain to the conference in British Columbia on Psychology in Starfleet. I think we'll both learn a lot. It won't be too far from where you're staying". When Will looked back up at her, she knew she'd made a mistake in mentioning that. "Worf?" he asked with a slightly brusque tone. This time it was Deanna's turn to look down. "He'll be joining me in a few days. He's attending some meetings at the Academy right now." she said quietly. Will nodded off into the distance and without looking at her said "I hope you two have a good time." And with that he walked of the transporter pad and headed for the door. Deanna longed to go after him, but knew she couldn't. She would have to let things be for now.

Deanna took the transport up to the hotel that she and the Captain were staying in during the conference. He had already arrived and she had the room next door. She threw her suitcase on the bed and began to open it so she could unpack. She sighed a deep sigh when she heard a voice behind her. "We haven't even attended one session yet and already you're sighing? Counselor, this is going to be a long three days for you!" The Captain teased as he took a few steps in. Deanna turned towards him and rolled her eyes and smiled. "I won't mind the conference, Captain. It's just life that I'm frustrated with." "Je le comprends" the Captain replied, telling her in his native language that he completely understood. Deanna set down the clothes she'd been holding in her hands and sat on her bed. She thought for a moment and said "Captain, would you by any chance have a listening ear tonight?" "For you, counselor, always." He replied as he motioned with his hand for her to come and join him in his quarters. She rose and followed him next door. "Have you eaten, Deanna?" The Captain became less formal so she would feel more comfortable. "To be honest, sir, I'm starving." She replied. "Then let me order us an exquisite supper. They have amazing seafood up here." And with that he ordered them each a lobster dinner, real food cooked the real way from room service. He also asked if they had a bottle of Chateau Picard on hand. Deanna raised her eyebrow as he was speaking into the com, then saw him smile widely. "Then we'll take one bottle of that. It is by far the best wine!" He winked at her as she tilted her head back and laughed. When the food arrived, they both dined deliciously, Deanna smacking her lips at the white tender lobster meat and melted butter. The Captain admiring the high quality of the French bread and real butter. They drank a couple glasses apiece of the sweet wine from the Captain's own vineyards. They talked and laughed and kept the conversation light, until they were finished, both full and satiated. Then the Captain motioned for her to sit down on the couch, where he took a chair across from her. "What's on your mind, Deanna?" he asked. But he already knew the answer.

He waited patiently for her response. The Captain, through years of experience, was almost as good of a listener as the Counselor was. Guinan had also helped him hone his skills. Deanna fiddled with her hands for a moment and then looked up at him and spoke. "Sir, I'm having some personal issues right now. I'm struggling with a couple of relationships, and I fear it is going to start affecting my work. I have really tried to keep it detached, but the feelings are far too deep. I just wanted you to be aware, and that I am doing everything I can to stay at the top of my game." The Captain waited a moment in case she had anything else to say. Then he raised one eyebrow and said "Worf?" Deanna nodded quietly. Then the Captain spoke again "And Will." Deanna nodded again. Captain Picard leaned back in his chair and sighed. He was thoughtful for a moment more and then said "Deanna, I can't know exactly what has transpired between the three of you, but one thing I can say for sure from simple observation. Both of those men love you. And that puts you in a very difficult position, as I have some knowledge of your closeness to Will and I know you are in relationship with Worf. What I would say is that I have no doubt in your abilities to do your job in spite of the turmoil. I trust you implicitly. And as for my officers, in time I believe you will come to know who it is that you cannot spend the rest of your life without. For now, I see you handling things the best that you can." Deanna's shoulders dropped as she felt as if a weight had just been lifted off of them. He understood. The Captain always understood. "Thank you, sir" she said as she offered him a smile. "It is my privilege Counselor. How many times have you counseled me in times of distress? It's the least I could do to try and help you." With that Deanna rose and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek and returned to her quarters to get a good night's sleep, the first she would have in a long time.

As Will opened the creeky door, the light from the sun outside filled the cabin. He had not been here in so long, and as he breathed in the smell of pine and cedar, it filled his senses with a comfort he needed desperately. Home. This was home. It was the cabin out behind the large house he grew up in. He hadn't wanted to stay there as it was just too large and empty since his father had died. But he kept the home, he'd always thought he and Deanna would live there someday. Now he was wondering if he should sell it. "Could I sell the house and keep the cabin?" he wondered to himself. He set his bag down on the table and walked towards the living area where the fireplace was. He would need to chop some firewood to have a fire tonight. He would need to go into town and buy some groceries. The thick plush area rug that surrounded the floor near the fireplace looked like something he wanted to bury his bare feet in. The leather furniture was plump and inviting. He moved to look out the back window where he saw forest and mountain tops. He breathed deeply, it felt so good to be here. Then the ache in his heart reminded him he would be alone, alone in a place that he always thought he'd be staying with his imzadi. He shook his head to try and rid it of the images of Deanna and Worf together on shore leave. He picked up a dusty book that he'd been reading a long time ago about being a successful leader. It opened up to a chapter about the importance to jettison excess baggage, to move on from the past. "Hmmmm" he thought. "I should probably read this tonight". With that he closed the book and turned to head into town to buy the things he needed for his stay.

The three days of the conference passed quickly. Deanna had truly enjoyed the seminars, though the Captain had nodded off a couple of times. She laughed to herself as she had never seen her Captain anything but entirely professional, especially at a seminar representing Starfleet. But she understood his need for rest and shore leave more than any other. It was probably good that he was catching naps during the day. Worf would be arriving on a transport that evening, and Deanna was looking forward to spending time with him. They would stay in the same hotel, and do some sightseeing around British Columbia. The Captain's words echoed over and over again in her mind, "I believe in time you will come to know who it is you can't spend the rest of your life without". Deanna had never thought of it that way, only who she should spend the rest of her life with. For now she felt much more relaxed about things and letting life take its course. She would continue to invest in her and Worf's relationship to see where it led.

Will was feeling more and more relaxed in his cabin. Every evening he grilled a steak for himself and enjoyed it with a glass of brandy. He lit a fire in his fireplace during the cold Alaska nights and opened his book to read. It felt like a release to be off-duty for this long, to not have to face Worf and Deanna day in and day out. He spent his days going into town, catching up with old friends, even flirting a little with some of the women whom he ran into and had gone to high school with. He was trying to move on. One day he stopped in to Sam's Repair Shop for a visit with an old friend. "Well, I'll be! I haven't seen you in long cold Alaska winter!" "Sam! I was hoping I'd run into you today" he grinned widely as he reached out and shook Sam's hand.. Sam wiped her hands on his uniform and then leaned up against the counter. "My goodness, Will, hasn't it been, maybe 15 years?" he asked as he wiped some oil off his hands. "More like 20" Will replied as he crossed his arms and leaned on the opposite counter. "It is so good to see you again." "Oh, you don't fool me Riker. You're not happy. You look like you'd finally fallen in love and got your heart stomped on." Will sat back and gasped, taken aback by his old friend's bold statement as well as the accuracy of it. His eyes were wide, he didn't know what to say. "Well, who is she? Who is this woman who's stolen your heart, after all the other women's hearts you've broken?" Sam said, non-plussed. Will sighed and looked down at the table. "I'm trying to move on, Sam. I'd rather not talk about it." "Good luck on that, Will. I know a broken heart when I see one. The one that got away, eh? Did you wait too long?" Again with the accuracy. It was uncanny how well he could read him. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I did." He replied. Sam looked down and sighed. "Will, I am sorry, really I am. I hope you are able to move on, and I hope you find what you're looking for in life. Know that you have a whole family here in this town who love you." Will smiled at him, his eyes crinkled. It was such a relief to have the support from the people he'd grown up with. He needed that now. He needed a tether to hang onto. Will and Sam continued catching up with each other as he enjoyed a too strong cup of the repair shop coffee. By the time he returned home that evening, he realized something. As much as he loved Deanna, she had not chosen him. She chose Worf. She'd made her choice. He'd given her a chance, and she'd made her choice. As much as it hurt, he knew he needed to let her go. He knew he needed to think in different terms for his future instead of hoping for her all the time. That night he made a decision, and felt at peace for the first time in a long time.

Deanna hugged Worf tightly as he stepped into her room. "Worf! I've missed you so much!" she exclaimed. "And I, you" he replied as he bent down to give her a tender kiss. "How was your trip?" she asked. "Long" he said in his usual stoic way. Deanna giggled as Worf came in and sat down and they caught up with each other. They had one more week before their shore leave was over, and had many activities planned. That night they took a walk along the shoreline and reminisced how they had come to be a couple and how surprising it was to both of them. They began to talk about the future, their future together. But a strange thing happened. As Worf talked more and more about how at some point he'd like her to live with him on his Klingon homeworld and learn the Klingon ways, and Deanna talked about how she hoped, once they left their Starfleet careers they could live on earth, preferably near San Francisco, she came to a slow realization that she should've known all along. She and Worf didn't fit. They were too different. They wanted different things. She'd kind of known that in the back of her mind, but in the bloom of new romance had sort of dismissed it as something they could work out. But by the end of the shore leave they had been fighting incessantly about what he wanted and what she thought would work, and simply could not come to an agreement. They were at an impasse. The last night before they were scheduled to return to the Enterprise, they had a huge fight. They'd been sitting in her hotel room having dinner. They'd both been silently fuming all night. Finally, Worf spoke. "You still love him." "No, Worf, I don't" she quickly replied. "It was not a question Deanna" he quickly said. She looked up and glared at him. He sighed and put his fork down. "Is it any use pretending anymore? You and I are not right for each other. You and he are." Deanna noted the sadness in Worf's voice and her heart broke a little. She sighed and sat up. "Yes Worf, you are correct. I think we've discovered on this shore leave that we just aren't compatible enough to continue on in relationship. But I wasn't wanting to end it. I love you,Worf." A tear slipped down her cheek. Worf took her hand. "And I, you. But in our case, I don't think love is enough." Deanna nodded sadly as she began to cry in earnest. This was a painful breakup. Worf stood and took her into his arms. "Don't cry, Deanna. I do not regret one moment that I've spent with you. You have brought much joy into my life." At that Deanna cried even harder and clung to him, knowing this would be the last time they would be together like this. She had to admit to herself that a part of her knew this was coming, but it didn't take the sting away of the ending of a relationship that she had held dear. After Worf left, she cried herself to sleep, thinking of how wrong things had gone in her life for the past several months. "Tomorrow" she thought. "I'm going to get back on track. I will get through all this, and life will work itself out."

The Enterprise crew finished their shore leave and returned to duty on the ship they loved so well. Deanna found that she felt more relaxed, even though it was painful, the end of her relationship with Worf had made her feel a little more free around Will. She didn't know if he knew or not, but it didn't matter. She longed for his friendship again. Worf was more respectful to Will, and Will, much to Deanna's surprise seemed much more relaxed as well. One night while they were doing crew evaluations in ten forward, they had a conversation. "What?" Will said as he looked across to Deanna who had been sitting there smiling at him. "You have something in your beard" she laughed. Will ran his hand along his beard self-consciously. "What? Where?" he asked. "It looks like whipped cream. What were you eating earlier?" Deanna chuckled. Will rolled his eyes. "a cream puff" he said guiltily as he looked down. Deanna laughed out loud this time. "My my, that's a decadent dessert! Here, let me get it." She reached across the table as he looked up at her and ran her fingertips through his beard where the whipped cream was. They both felt a jolt of electricity shoot through them. Deanna sat down slowly, catching her breath. Will gazed at her for a moment, and then said "Did you get it all?" "Yes, Santa Claus, I did" she teased. He rubbed his hand over his beard again as he looked at her sideways. "No, Will. I won't allow you to walk around with whipped cream on your beard. I'm a better friend than that." She replied to his questioning look. "Are you?" he asked. "A friend, I mean." There was an awkward few seconds before she replied. She leaned forward and placed her hand on his. "I'd like to be" she said, softly. Will thought for a moment, then placed his hand on hers. "I'd like that too" he said. And with that they caught up with each other, all the things they'd missed in each other's lives and finally Will asked about Worf. Deanna was sad as she explained the course of their relationship and breakup, but she could tell that Will was relieved. "Next time" he said "we do this in your quarters and you make me dinner" as he nodded to the padds they held with the crew evaluations. "You're on" she said as she gave him her signature smile.

Sometime later the Enterprise was called to one of the Federation's alliances that were experiencing civil war on their planet. Captain Picard took Deanna with him to try and negotiate a treaty. The two factions had both emigrated from different planets light years away, and their differences were finally bringing about contention. Will was concerned for Deanna's safety while down on the planet. They had renewed their deep friendship and cared about each other again. He paced the Bridge while waiting for word from the Captain as to how things were going. "Number One' the Captain's voice came over the comm., barely audible, surrounded by what sounded like bombs going off.

"Yes, Captain, I can barely hear you!" Will yelled into the com as he glanced up at Worf, a worried look on his face. "….eanna, been hit….to ….bay….mediately!" Will knew immediately what the Captain was saying. "Chief, can you get a lock on her?" he commed to the transporter room. "Barely, sir, but I've got her. She's materializing now." Will took off running, while yelling at Data to take the bridge and comming Beverly to meet them in the transporter room. Deanna materialized on the floor, barely conscious. There were burns over most of her body and blood on her face and head. The Chief ran over to her to help just as Will ran into the room with Beverly following close behind. "Deanna" Will breathed as he took her hand and wiped some of the blood off her face. "Imzadi" she whispered hoarsely, as her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she went unconscious.

Will paced the waiting room in sick bay for the umpteenth time as he waited for word from the doctor on how Deanna was doing. His heart was pumping quickly and his stomach was clenched. He still loved her, god he loved her. This was killing him. It was compromising his ability as first officer, to be so worried about her like this. To love her so much but not be able to be with her. He thought back again to their conversation in his quarters, when he had poured his heart out to her about his feelings for her, but she had still chosen Worf. Her words cut through his heart when he asked her if she loved Worf. "Yes Will, I think I do." It didn't matter that she and Worf were no longer a couple, Worf had still been her first choice. This hurt Will so much that he couldn't get past it. "Will!" the doctor said loudly for the second time as she was trying to get his attention. Will snapped his head up from where he'd been looking at the floor and pacing to see a relieved look on Beverly's face. "Will, she made it through the surgery. We got all of the shrapnel out, and she's going to be OK." Will smiled. "Can I see her?" "Yes, Will, you can. Go." and with that Beverly shooed him out of the waiting room towards the sick bay critical care unit. Deanna still had not woken up but Will took her hand and held it, whispering encouraging things to her. He waited awhile, then placed her hand down on the bed, bent over and kissed her forehead, lingering there with his lips on her, not wanting to let go. Then he stood slowly and walked out of sick bay. Beverly Crusher was in her office as the movement of the First Officer leaving sick bay caught her eye. "That's odd" she thought. "Will never leaves before Deanna wakes up."

Another month passed and Will and Deanna tip-toed around each other. She so longed to be close to him again, it was painful. He had the same longing, but tried to shut it down so he could continue to function in a purely professional manner. At staff meetings they no longer sat by each other, and they continued their crew evaluations in ten forward again. They were friendly, even sharing in a joke or he would rest his hand on hers or she would pat his shoulder. It was a start, Deanna surmised. As if they were beginning their friendship all over again. Deanna would be patient, she wanted to be with him again, and she would wait until he was ready. But her dream became upended during a staff meeting at the beginning of the following month. "I have some exciting news to announce" Captain Picard began. He had a knowing smile on his face as he looked to Will. Everyone else saw it, and began looking at each other with questioning eyes. What was going on with Will? Deanna's eyes grew especially wide as she looked across the table at her imzadi. Will looked down when he met her eyes. "I am proud to announce that finally, FINALLY, my first officer has decided to take his own command! In three days he will be shipping out to become the Captain of a new galaxy class starship called the Aerhart. We will miss him dearly, of course, but I am beaming with pride that the Admirality of Starfleet has decided to give him this promotion. Data will be my new first officer (everyone looked towards Data who nodded his head in compliance, except for Deanna who continued staring at Will), and tomorrow night we will have a celebration for both of these changes. We will be throwing a party in ten-forward and I expect everyone to attend. Please be sure to take all the time you need with your goodbyes, but be done by Thursday morning. We don't want Captain Riker to be late to his new assignment." With that Geordi let out a whoop and everyone around the table began cheering and clapping. Deanna clapped half-heartedly, while still boring a hole into Will with her eyes. He could not look at her. His heart felt like it was going to break in two. He managed to raise his head enough to acknowledge his co-workers' cheers and offered as good of a smile as he could. Captain Picard looked from Will to Deanna, and realized Will had not told her. "_Not a good way to start this next stage of your life, Number One_" the Captain thought to himself. His heart hurt for his Counselor. When the cheering was done Captain Picard said "Dismissed" and everyone rose to leave, except Deanna, who was halfway out the door before the word had even left the Captain's mouth. Will stayed behind. He lowered his head to his hands and rubbed his eyes. He thought everyone had left, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder. "You didn't tell her, did you?" the familiar voice said. Will raised his head and rubbed his hands over his face. "No, Beverly, I didn't" he replied sadly. "Good god, Will, why the hell not?" Will was not used to hearing profanity from his doctor. He looked up at her and cocked one eyebrow. "Because it would hurt too much" he replied. "and this doesn't?" Beverly asked, her hands on her hips. Will didn't answer. Finally Beverly spoke softly, "She's in love with you, you know". Will shook his head slowly. "I know". Another moment of silence passed, then Beverly spoke again. "And you're in love with her as well". Again Will shook his head and spoke softly, "I know".

He paced his quarters back and forth. She had not come. He was sure she would come for him, come to pour her wrath out on him, and rightfully so. He should've told her. He should've told his imzadi. He'd been a coward. The dance was in a couple hours and tomorrow morning he was shipping out. How could he leave her without saying goodbye? The lump in his throat grew as he choked down his sorrow. This was impossible. He went to the dance and feigned his excitement. At the moment, captaining his own ship didn't feel that good at all. Not starting out in this kind of pain, losing his best friend, losing his imzadi, the love of his life. But he convinced himself that they would have another chance somewhere down the road. He looked all around ten forward for her over and over again, but she was not there. "Is she coming?" he asked Beverly. "I'm not sure, Will" was all she replied. Most of the evening went by with no Deanna. Will did his duty and greeted all his friends, accepting their heartfelt congratulations and pats on the back. Every five minutes he was scanning the room. "Problem, Number One?" the Captain had asked him. Will looked at the floor, sheepishly. "I'm sure she'll come. She wouldn't not say goodbye to you" the Captain said quietly as he put his hand on Will's shoulder. "I wouldn't be so sure about that" Will replied. But just then the Captain squeezed his shoulder and he looked up at him and saw him nodding towards the door to ten forward. Will looked where the Captain was looking and his heart stopped. There, standing in the doorway was Deanna, dressed beautifully in a long red shimmering gown that showed off her curves gloriously. She eyed Will and didn't look away. Will gulped nervously and drew in a breath as he prepared to approach her. But she immediately turned away and went and sat with some friends at a table on the other side of the room. Will's shoulders sank. The Captain looked knowingly at him and then shuffled away. Will went and stood in a corner of the room and waited very patiently. He waited as one, two, and then the last of Deanna's friends had left the table where she continued to sit alone, staring out at the stars. Then he walked over to her. The music softened slightly and the lights lowered, signaling that the party was drawing to a close. Will gently walked up behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder. She flinched, and pulled away. She tried to hide her face from him as tears began to make their way down her cheeks. "Deanna…." He began with hurt in his voice, but she was up in an instant, covering her mouth and running out of the room. Will looked after her, aching, wondering if that was the last time he'd ever see her.

The next day, Will stood and looked around his quarters, it was in shambles with about half of it packed and the other half thrown in piles in the corner. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. This was hard. So hard. His heart was aching so deeply, wondering if Deanna would find her way to him one last time before he left. She probably wouldn't. He couldn't blame her. All he could do was just go on auto-pilot and continue packing. But then his door chime rang. "Come" he said in a ragged voice. His door slid open and he turned around to see Deanna standing there. He held his breath. This was the moment he'd been dreading. The moment that had been keeping him awake at nights. She was rightfully angry. But more than that, how could he say goodbye? How could he ever say goodbye to her? He braced himself for her fury, but instead she slowly walked up to him and put her arms around his waist. Tears fell down her face as she nuzzled his neck and whispered in his ear "Don't' go. Please don't go". His heart broke into a million pieces. A sob escaped his throat as he held her tightly and softly said "I have to". She moved further into him as he squeezed her harder and they stood there in each other's arms for what seemed an eternity. They were both sobbing now, and as Will kissed her head over and over, his tears wet her hair. His chest was damp where she was pressing her face. What words could be said? Slowly, Deanna looked up into his face and reached up to touch a lock of his hair. "We could work it out, I could stay away from you and give you time" but even as she said it, she knew that was not possible. She and Will could not stay away from each other anymore than the earth and the sky. She'd lost his trust and vulnerability. And that didn't heal just because you so desperately wanted it to. She thought it funny how it had always been her who was the hurt one after he'd left her on Risa, but now things had turned around. Now she was the one who had hurt him. She drew close to him again so she could listen to his heartbeat one last time. They stood there until their hearts were beating in time. Will kissed her head one final time as she slowly stepped away from him, and he held her hands in his as they stared into each other's eyes. Deanna could not stop crying. Will wiped her tears with his thumb. "Fate may bring us together again, Imzadi" he spoke to her in loving tones. She simply nodded her head, then turned to go. When she reached the door she turned around one last time. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked. Will looked guiltily down at the floor and then he said "I couldn't bear it, Imzadi. I just couldn't bear it". She told him with her eyes that she understood. She knew he loved her. She knew his heart was breaking too. With that she turned her back on him and walked out of his door, out of his quarters, and out of his life.

The next morning Will entered the transporter room with one bag over his shoulder. He'd had the rest of the bags and boxes transported down ahead of him. His walk was heavy, his head hung slightly. "Chief" he nodded to O'Brien as he stepped towards the transporter pad. He had asked his friends to not come and see him off since they'd already said their goodbyes and another goodbye would just be too hard. He knew Deanna wouldn't be there since they had, essentially, said their goodbyes last night. Just as Will was about to say "energize", a lone figure stepped quickly into the room. It was Captain Picard. "Captain, I told everyone not to…." Will began but was interrupted by the hand of the Captain waving him off. "Will, we've known each other too long to not have a proper goodbye" the Captain said. Will looked down at his Captain, slightly sheepishly. This was awkward for him, and for the Captain too. But secretly he was glad the Captain came to see him off, he would so deeply miss this man who had been his commanding officer, his mentor, his friend. Will reached out his hand to shake the Captain's. "I'm going to miss you sir" he said, with a catch in his throat. Captain Picard, in a most uncharacteristic way, grabbed Will's hand and pulled him off the transporter pad to embrace him in a hug. "And I, you" he replied. Will awkwardly put his arms around the Captain and hesitantly patted his back as his eyes teared up. Then he stepped back and noticed the Captain's eyes tearing up as well. "Will" Captain Picard said "a word of advice?" Will nodded. Of course he would love some advice from his Captain. "Don't lose the best thing that has ever happened to you." The Captain said. Will looked perplexed. "You mean the ship?" he asked. "No, I mean Deanna" the Captain replied seriously. Will's cheeks turned red at his Captain's honesty. "And Will" … "Sir?" he asked. "Take good care of her." "You mean Deanna?" Will asked, now more confused than ever. "No, I mean your ship" Captain Picard smiled while patting Will on the arm. "Yes sir" Will replied as he stepped back up onto the pad. Captain Picard backed up to watch as his former first officer beamed down to begin a new adventure in his life, thinking back to when he had done the same. The transporter beam began to glitter around Will blurring his vision slightly, but the last thing he saw, the last image that registered to him as he glanced around the transporter room, was a face, that face, that beautiful heart-stopping face looking at him from around the corner, black hair falling loosely, black eyes wide and wet with tears.

Will materialized on his new ship, and saw four officers gathered around him, awaiting his arrival. "My senior staff, I presume?" he said, grinning widely, putting up a good front and trying to bury the pain of a moment ago. "Yes sir! Welcome aboard, sir!" a tall auburn-haired woman said as she approached Will and offered her hand. "I'm Commander Truit" she said as she shook the Captain's hand heartily. "My first officer" Will said as he slightly bowed his head. "Allow me to introduce your staff" Commander Truit said as she walked to each of the next three officers. "This is Lieutenant Tukaro, your con and ops officer". "A Vulcan" Will thought as he shook the Lieutenant's hand. "And this is Dr. Ree, your chief medical officer". The doctor nodded at Will as he reached out to shake his hand. Will nodded in return. "And this is Captain Rola, your chief engineer". "Captain?" Will asked, perplexed, as he shook the engineer's hand. "It's a long story sir," the Bajoran said "but basically I enjoy engineering far more than captaining my own ship." Will smiled widely and nodded in understanding towards the other Captain. "However, according to Star Fleet regulations, you still out-rank me in this scenario. Sir." The Bajoran added on as Will chuckled. "Good to know" he said as he turned to his staff. "Oh, and your chief security officer, Lieutenant Mahar is in sickbay recovering from surgery" Commander Truit added as an afterthought. Will cocked an eyebrow as if to say who's protecting the ship? But he could see from Commander Truit's physique that she was perfectly capable. A large and muscular woman, while still retaining her curves and femininity. "A good combination" Will thought. With that he turned to his staff and said "All senior officers report to my ready room in one hour. Dismissed." And with that, he turned and headed towards his Captain's quarters, having already studied and learned the entire ship's schematics.

Will reached his quarters, entered the command code and stepped inside. As soon as the door slid shut he threw his bag on the floor and plopped down on the couch, his face in his hands. How could he do this? Could he really leave her behind? Will had been surprised to see Deanna again. And now the image of her heartbroken face was burned into his memory, her tear-stained cheeks, the pain in her eyes, her trembling lip. It was as if her whole body had been shaking. God, he hated doing that to her. "_Imzadi_" he thought with such a longing in his own heart. And yet, in one hour, he had to face his new senior staff and begin this journey of commanding his own starship. He leaned back into the soft cushions and rested his head on top of them, staring up at the ceiling. He tried to reassure himself "if it's meant to be, if it's our destiny, we'll be together again." He repeated it over and over to himself, trying to convince himself. But he wasn't doing a very good job. Sighing heavily, he rose to his feet and began to unpack his belongings.

Will's quarters were large, much larger than he was used to. "The Captain's quarters" he whispered, as if it didn't quite register in his mind. This was what he'd been waiting for his whole life. He ran his hand along the console, touched the windows looking out to the stars, peeked into his bedroom. He checked out the replicator, the washroom, and his personal computer. He thought about sending a message to Deanna. "I'm here, missing you". No, he laughed and shook his head. How about "Please come join me. NOW!" Will smiled at that thought. Could he send something to her? Or would it just exacerbate their pain? He so wanted to run back to her, to gather her up in his arms and hold her until her crying stopped, until his heart healed again, until they both stopped shaking and their hearts beat together in time, in harmony with the Universe. But he knew if he tried to contact her, it would start things all over again, and he wasn't ready. "_We will meet again, imzadi_" he said once more to himself as he checked the chronometer and saw it was time for the meeting.

Seated around the conference table were Lt. Tukaro, Dr. Ree, and Captain Rola, with Cmdr. Truit taking the seat to the right of the Captain's chair. "I like him" said Dr. Ree jovially, a mark of his optimistic Andorian race. "Let us not evaluate his likeability too soon" Lt. Tukaro's calm sense of logic echoing through his statement. "Oh don't be such a spoil-sport!" the Andorian teased as the Vulcan arched one eyebrow at him. It was a favorite past time of the chief medical officer to make fun of the con-ops officer. "Oh, you two." Truit said, rolling her eyes. "One thing I can say for sure….god is he handsome!" At this remark everyone rolled their eyes. Captain Rola scolded "Leslie! Professional decorum, please!" With that everyone laughed, just as Will entered the room and took his seat at the head of the table. "I see the party is starting without me" he smirked, as he noticed the group immediately quiet down and Leslie's cheeks turning a slight shade of red. This new feeling of power was an adrenalin rush.

No doubt about it, Will loved being in command of his own ship. "Thank you for welcoming me aboard" he began. "I have reviewed all of your files and I have no doubt that we will work well together as a team. I have my orders from Admiral Hansen, and we'll be in orbit for another 24 hours, then we'll be heading out to the Delora System to investigate a special anomaly that has been reported there." "Oooo, I love space anomalies" Captain Rola said sarcastically under his breath. The Engineer had had all too many engine problems due to anomalies in his long career in Star Fleet. "Pardon me, Captain?" Will said sternly "Is there something you'd like to share?" Will knew his chief engineer hadn't really said anything wrong, but he wanted to establish his authority first, friends later. "Uh….I, uh…sir!" Captain Rola simply acknowledged, his face turning red. "Are there any other comments?" Will said as he looked seriously around the room to each of his crewmen. Everyone stayed quiet, looking down at the table. "Good. We'll meet again at 0800 hours day after tomorrow. Until then, continue on with your duties. Dismissed!" Everyone stood and quickly exited the room. "Commander Truit? A word please." Will said after her. Leslie stopped dead in her tracks. The Captain's tone made it sound like she was in big trouble. She slowly turned around and took her seat again. "Yes, sir?" she stated, looking at her superior officer, thinking again how attractive he was, but feeling quite nervous inside. Once everyone was out and the door closed, Will addressed his first officer. "Leslie, we will be working very closely together. I need to know I have your complete trust and full support." "Yes, sir, you do" she replied. "I've been known to be a bit unorthodox at times. In fact, my second officer once said I only did things by the book about 20% of the time." Will said, being honest with her. Leslie paused. She did everything by the book. _Everything_. "Sir?" she asked. Will nodded his head for her to continue. "Captain Picard was your commanding officer, correct?" she asked. "That is correct." Will replied. "And did he do everything by the book?" she further questioned. Will smiled. "He did everything by the book" he stated. "And did you get along with him?" she asked again. Will chuckled. "Yes, Leslie, yes I did." "Then you and I shall get along fabulously" Leslie said, holding back a smile. Will grinned from ear to ear. He really liked this woman, her intelligence and her wit, she would be a fine first officer, he was sure. "Very good" Will said. "Let's meet briefly before the next senior officers meeting and until then, I will appreciate it if you would keep me on my toes". Leslie smiled. "Yes, sir, I will". Then they both rose and made their way to the bridge.

Deanna watched as Will disappeared. She thought she saw his face turn towards her just as he was fading away. She thought she saw his blue eyes looking right at her, with pain and sadness. She couldn't help but cry. She felt she was losing her imzadi, her soulmate, her best friend… forever. She leaned back against the wall so Captain Picard wouldn't see her as he exited the transporter room. But a sob came up her throat and she couldn't choke it back. The Captain heard it and looked her way just as he was about to head down the corridor. He took her in, her disheveled appearance, the dark circles under her eyes, the fact she could barely hold herself up leaning against the wall, and her red and swollen eyes. His eyes became very kind and a look of compassion came over his face. He nodded slightly and with his most gentle voice said "as you were, Deanna" as he gave her a loving smile and turned and walked away. He understood. She needed to be alone with her pain. Deanna sighed a sigh of relief and then headed towards her quarters. She hadn't even bothered to put on her shoes as she had decided at the last minute to rush down to the transporter room to catch one last glimpse of Will. She padded softly down the corridor until she reached her room and entered. When the door closed she sat down on the couch and pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her head on them. Her head ached from crying so much, her eyes stung. She took in a breath and shuddered, her sobs still coming at intermittent intervals. She was exhausted. "Computer, cancel all my appointments for today" she spoke into the air. "Appointments for Counselor Deanna Troi are cancelled for today" the computer intoned. Deanna rested her head down again and thought back to Will, the sadness in his eyes as he looked at her. She ached for him. Her biggest fear was that while trying to heal, he would find someone else. Her heart thudded in her chest as she imagined Will loving another woman, holding her, committing to her. She shook her head trying to banish the silly thoughts. She needed to get ahold of herself. He wasn't coming back now. Would he ever come back? There was no way to know, no way to predict the future. He had promised that fate would bring them back together, but how could he make that promise? Deanna sighed again and leaned her head back on the couch cushion. She wondered how he was doing on his ship. His ship. It sounded nice. She did have to admit to herself she was proud of him. But it wasn't right… she was supposed to be by his side. She was always supposed to be by his side. "I need a chocolate sundae" she thought as she stood and headed to her bathroom to fix her hair and makeup.

Later in ten forward, Deanna sat at her and Will's special table. She was torturing herself. She placed her spoon down into the soft ice cream and twirled it around, then she stared out the window at the stars. She imagined Will's ship gliding past her, leaving her in its warp trail. "Mind if I sit down?" a familiar voice asked. "Sure" Deanna said, never looking back from the window. Beverly took a seat and just looked at Deanna for a few moments. "Dee, what can I say to encourage you?" she asked, seeing her friend's pain. Deanna slowly turned back in her chair and looked with sad eyes over to her friend. Then she just shrugged her shoulders. She truly did not know. Beverly reached out and placed her hand on Deanna's. "Well, I will just tell you what I know, then. I know he loves you. I know he believes he belongs with you. I know he just needs time to heal." Deanna nodded slowly and thought for a moment. Then she spoke. "How much time, Bev? How long before it's out of sight, out of mind? You know Will's charm, every woman who's ever met him has fallen for him." Beverly stifled a snicker as she thought of her time with Odan, in Will's body. "Deanna, he loves you. He will wait for you." Deanna was unsure of where her deep insecurity was coming from. It seemed all the confidence she had built up over the years had just vanished. She felt small, weak, vulnerable. She had tried to close their imzadi bond, more out of respect for Will than for herself, but it just kept buzzing. Buzzing, buzzing, at the back of her mind and it was starting to drive her crazy. A constant reminder of the man she most likely had lost. She put her hand to her head. "Bev, I can't make it stop. That damned imzadi bond". She said as she crinkled her eyes. "Is there anything I can do?" Beverly asked. Deanna shook her head no. "How about a sleep inducer?" Deanna shook her head no again. "Then, my friend, I recommend you take a couple days off and rest, get yourself together again. Doctor's orders. You'll get through this Dee, it will just take some time." Deanna nodded, still holding her head. "I think that's a good idea. Going to bed sounds really nice right now, regardless of the time of day". With that she stood, gave Beverly her best smile, and left ten-forward, still holding her head, still grimacing.

A week had passed and Will was getting used to his new ship. He had walked it through several times, visited with crew members and department heads. He'd had several senior staff meetings, and things were starting to gel with his officers. He'd met with his first officer many times, making sure they were communicating well and keeping up to date. Dr. Ree had pestered him about getting his physical, which Will avoided expertly. One of the most difficult nights he'd had had been the night they left orbit. The Enterprise was stationary at the moment, Geordi had been doing repairs that were best done when the ship wasn't in motion. Will looked out his window, hoping to see one last glimpse of the Enterprise, one last glimpse of _her_. He was in his pajamas, his apartment was dark, and he stood in the bedroom gazing out at the stars, with a glass of warm amber liquid in his hand. There was just one more hour until they were to set course and embark on their maiden voyage. Exciting as that was to him, the realization that he would be moving away from his beloved had caught up with him. He'd managed most of the week to keep his mind on ship's business and his new command. He'd had to. But now, this night, he couldn't deny those feelings any longer. His legs felt weak as he waited and prayed, hoping they would pass by the Enterprise before they left. He sipped on his drink and let the warm sensation wash over him. He waited a few minutes, fifteen minutes, a half-hour, but still no sign. He hadn't moved from his position the entire time, frozen in place. As he was sipping again, a silvery gray ship's hull peaked out over the horizon they were circling, and his heart leapt. "There it is!" he thought. Without thinking, he set his drink down and ran over to his computer terminal. "Computer, hail the Enterprise" he said. "Please state specific terminal" the computer replied. "Deanna Tr…." Will paused. It was automatic to him to reach out to his imzadi whenever she was in close proximity. But should he do this? Should he say goodbye another time? "Please state specific terminal" the computer repeated. Will sat back and sighed. Just then he noticed a flash of light out of his window and saw the Enterprise slip into warp speed and disappear. He dropped his head down into his hands and said into the darkness "Geordi must have finished." He could still reach Deanna via message, but now that he'd had time to think about it, realized it might not be the best way. God, how he hurt. "_Deanna_" he whispered into the room as he looked again to where the ship had been. Maybe if he stared long enough, it would come back. She'd been so close, so close. He could almost feel her. But now she was gone. Gone. The emptiness he felt in his soul consumed him. If he could only wrap his arms around her one more time. He'd never let her go. He stood up and finished his drink, and then went to bed. He knew he'd wake up in the morning and be far away from here.

Deanna had not been faring well in the weeks since Will left. Her deep insecurity about never seeing him again haunted her and the closing of their bond tortured her. She found herself unable to focus, and often cancelled appointments. Her performance on the bridge had not faltered, but that was all she had energy for. Complaints about her began to come in to Data, who reported them to the Captain. Reluctantly, Captain Picard contacted Dr. Crusher. "Dr. Crusher, can I see you in my ready room?" he intercommed her. "On my way" came the reply. A few moments later she was ringing the chime on the door. "Come" Captain Picard said. Beverly entered and sat down across from him. The Captain sighed, ran his hands along his head and began. "Beverly, Data has been receiving some negative reports about Deanna. Her patients are finding her absent when they go to their appointments, or finding her distracted and tuned out when they are there. She has been performing well enough on the bridge, but I wonder just how long until she is affected there as well." Beverly let out a slow breath and spoke. "I've noticed too, Jean-Luc. It's as if when Will left the life got sucked right out of her. She's quiet and withdrawn, I almost never see her in ten-forward anymore and when I try to get her to join me for lunch, she always has an excuse." The Captain leaned back in his chair and thought for a moment. "Beverly, I'd like a complete physical for her including psychiatric tests. If you deem fit, then we'll have to relieve her of duty for awhile. Perhaps she just needs some time to heal." Beverly nodded and left Picard's ready room and headed straight to Deanna's quarters. Deanna was resting on her couch, reading a book when she heard the chime ring. "Come" she said softly. Beverly walked in and stood before Deanna, a sad look in her eyes. "Hello Dee" she said. Deanna sighed and put the book down. "You're here to relieve me of duty" she stated, simply. "Well, not just yet" Beverly smiled as she took a seat next to Deanna. Deanna pulled her feet up and put her arms around her knees as she turned to face Beverly. Beverly noticed she had a haunted look on her face. "Deanna" Beverly started as she placed her hand on one of Deanna's feet "the Captain wants you to get a complete physical and some psychiatric testing so we can see if we can help you. Then we'll decide if you're unfit for duty". Deanna snorted as she let out an angry chuckle. "Well, let me make this easy for you. I _am_ unfit for duty. I am resigning, as of today." Beverly's eyes grew wide and then she looked puzzled. "Deanna, I'm not trying to get you to resign" she said, seriously. Deanna took Beverly's hand in her own. "I know, Bev. I didn't mean that to sound so sarcastic. I am being serious too. I can't do this anymore. Beverly, I feel like I've lost my life. I have no energy anymore, no desire to do my counseling, no desire to be on the bridge, no desire to even be in Starfleet." Beverly gasped. "Dee, you can't be serious! You love Starfleet! You love your job!" "Not anymore" Deanna sighed. "I'm embarrassed to say this, but without Will it all feels so useless. So….dead. I can't seem to find my bearings…my center. I know I had a life before him, but I can't seem to find my life now. I feel so…. so lost." As Deanna spoke a tear slid down her cheek. "Oh Deanna, I can't imagine how painful this must be for you. But please, do me a favor. Sleep on it tonight, and if you still feel the same way tomorrow, then you can let the Captain know. But please, think of me, think of all your friends who will so deeply miss you, and the Enterprise which so needs your expertise." Deanna blushed at the compliment, and shook her head yes. "Alright, Beverly, I will sleep on it. But I can't imagine anything that could change my mind." Beverly gave her hand a squeeze and stood. "I still think he's coming back to you" she said as Deanna looked at her with pleading eyes. "I wish I felt the same" she replied.

Later that night Deanna sat at her computer terminal. She was going to contact her mother about everything and ask her advice. As she waited for the comm to go through she noticed all the Starfleet ads panning by. Usually just a jumble of things that wouldn't interest her, but something caught her eye. She scrolled back so she could read it. She read it, then read it again, then read it a third time. She sat back in her chair and thought for a few moments. Then she abruptly cut the comm to her mother and contacted Starfleet instead.

"Sir, arriving at correct coordinates in one hour" Lt. Tukaro said to the Captain. "Very well, Lieutenant" Will replied as he looked to Leslie and smiled. "You're excited about this, aren't you?" she smiled back as she could see the gleam in his eyes. His grin widened. "You'd better believe it. My first assignment on my first ship? It doesn't get any better than this!" His eyes crinkled and his beard nicely framed his famous Riker grin. Leslie's heart skipped a beat, she was so affected by this man's attractiveness. She sat back in her chair, smiling. Because of her attractiveness, a tall red-haried woman with voluptuous curves, most men she worked for in her life eventually pursued her. It wasn't something she thought of pridefully, more as just an anecdote of her life. But this man, this one she wondered about. Would he pursue her? Did that fit in with his own Starfleet ethics? Was he spoken for? They had not discussed their personal lives at all, and it probably would be awhile before they did. But she hoped. Oh, how she hoped. She found herself enthralled with this new Captain William T. Riker. Will was very pleased with his first officer and found he liked her a lot, related to her well, was comfortable around her. He was aware of her attractiveness, but unaffected by it. All he could think of while he was on the bridge was the empty space to his left where there was no chair. This ship didn't have a counselor, its complement was too small. There were only 400 people, and Starfleet didn't deem it necessary. Dr. Ree often stood in as a counselor when psychological help was needed. But Will couldn't shake the tension on his left side of knowing that his beloved Deanna should be sitting next to him. The only woman in his life he'd ever truly loved. He couldn't believe he would be taking his first journey as Captain without her.

"Tell me again, Deanna. What is this place called?" Deanna was in Beverly's quarters for lunch. She had just given Captain Picard her resignation from Starfleet. "It's called Planet One." she replied. "Not a very creative name" Beverly said wryly. "No" Deanna smiled, "but it will be easy to remember." This was the first time Beverly had seen Deanna smile since Will had left. "And the planet is in the same star system as Betazed?" she asked. "Yes, we always knew it was there, in fact I studied it in school. But it was always deemed too harsh to terra-form. But one of Betazed's moons shifted in a way slight enough to not make a difference on my planet, but it created a calmer atmosphere on Planet One. So when I saw the ad that Starfleet was looking to colonize it and looking for people to volunteer, I couldn't resist." Beverly sighed sadly and asked "but what's so appealing about this that it would take you away from us, from your career?" Deanna smiled again. "They are not looking to colonize this in a modern way" she replied. "They are intending to create a simple colony that goes about things the old-fashioned way. Growing their own food, cooking their own food, washing their own clothes, sort of similar to the Baku homeworld. It's sort of an experiment." "And this appeals to you?" Beverly asked, skeptical. Deanna nodded. "Oh Beverly, this is just what I need. A place where I can rewind, relax, heal, and start my life again. I love the idea of its simplicity. It's nostalgia. It will be one big community relying and depending on each other." "Doesn't sound to me like the kind of place for Betazoid royalty" Beverly said. Deanna snorted as she crinkled her eyes. "That's exactly why I'm going!" she replied. Then she took Beverly's hand. "Bev, Will's departure hit me so much harder than I thought possible, it's shifted my soul in a negative way. I've got to get back to myself. I have to find _me_ again." Beverly understood, she really did. It's just that she didn't want to lose her friend. "We'll be able to stay in touch, though, right?" Beverly asked, a tear slipping down her cheek. Deanna said nothing but looked down. Beverly felt uncomfortable. "No, Beverly, we won't be able to stay in touch." Deanna replied. Beverly opened her mouth to express her hurt but Deanna lifted a hand to silence her. "It's not because I don't want to, Bev, but in this society they are going to avoid technology as long as possible. It may be 2 years before we get computers." "Two years?!" Beverly cried. "I won't be able to talk to you for two years?!" Deanna nodded sadly. "I know. It was a bit of a shock to me when I found out too. I suppose I could send an old-fashioned letter when a transport arrives that might be traveling back near the Enterprise." "They're going to allow transports?" Beverly said sarcastically. "Hell, Deanna, are they going to allow clothes or toilets? Or are you just all going to walk around naked and do you business outdoors?" Beverly was incredulous. Had her friend lost her mind? But when she saw the smirk on Deanna's face she couldn't help but smile, then chuckle, then both of them burst out laughing. They continued laughing at the silliness of it all until tears were streaming down both of their cheeks. Deanna didn't want to leave her friends, she really didn't. But she knew this would be the healthiest thing for her at this time in her life. "How did the Captain take it?" Beverly asked, once they had calmed down. "Not too well. But he understood" Deanna replied. Then a long moment of silence floated between them. "What should I tell Will if he tries to contact you here?" Beverly broke the silence. Deanna thought for a moment, and then said "Tell him he can contact me in two years."

It was a long meeting for Deanna. The Senior Staff had gathered so Captain Picard could inform them of her leaving Starfleet and the ship. "Really?" Geordi said sadly. "Yes, I'm afraid so, Geordi" Deanna replied. She could see the hurt in Worf's eyes, he didn't want to lose her friendship. "Deanna, could you not at least stay in Starfleet? If you resign, they may never re-instate you. You may never be able to return to us." Deanna's heart broke at the pleading in his voice. She wasn't sure that she would want to return to Starfleet. "I can't, Worf, I feel it is truly time for me to move on" she replied, but then added "don't worry. We will all always be friends. I will find you again." She tried her best so smile, but it only came out as a half-smile. Beverly's tears were cascading down her face. When the meeting was finished, Captain Picard dismissed everyone. The crew was going to meet in the transporter room in a half-hour to see Deanna off. "Deanna, a word?" he called after her just as she was about to leave. When everyone was gone, Deanna turned to the Captain, not knowing what he was going to say. He stood and faced her. "Have I ever told you how proud I am of you?" he said, his voice cracking slightly. Deanna looked down as her breath caught in her throat. He was like a father to her. She knew she was hurting him. "Yes, Captain, you have" she managed to say softly as she looked back up into his face, tears brimming in her eyes. "Well I, uh….." the Captain's voice caught again, he cleared his throat and continued. "I want to tell you one last time". Deanna could take it no longer, she walked up to him and put her arms around him. She rested her head on his shoulder and whispered "Thank you, Captain. I will miss you so very much." Jean-Luc hugged her and held her, fighting back his own tears. "I will never have another Counselor like you, Deanna, never." he said, hoarsely. Deanna nodded into his shoulder as her tears wet his uniform. Then she stepped out of his embrace and took a step back. "And I will never have another friend like you, Captain" she said before she bit her lower lip to keep herself from sobbing. Tears were now flowing down both of their faces as the Captain managed a half-smile, then took in a deep breath. "Shall we?" he said as he motioned his arm towards the door and Deanna proceeded to head towards the transporter room with her Captain close behind.

"Attention!" the Captain said loudly as they came into the room. A few of Deanna's other close friends and staff had joined the senior staff to see her off. She would be transporting to the shuttle that had come to pick her up and from there take her to her new home. Her bags had already been transported. At the sound of the Captain's voice, everyone stood at attention to honor Deanna and her impeccable and admirable service in Starfleet. She walked through the crowd slowly, her head bowed, her tears dropping onto the floor. When she stepped up onto the transporter pad, she glanced around at everyone. Then she looked at Worf, and then Beverly, holding their eyes a bit longer. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. It was so quiet, all that could be heard were occasional sniffles and muffled sobs. Deanna took a deep breath then said in a barely audible voice "Thank you." It was all she could get out. She looked again to the floor as Captain Picard said "energize" and in a moment she disappeared in a white haze.

Deanna's quarters on the transport were gloomy, to say the least. Transports were not known for their glamour, but this was utterly dismal. Gray walls, gray floors, gray bedding. Stark furniture, a small replicator, sink, bathroom, chair and computer terminal. Lights were permanently dim. Deanna sighed as she set her bag down. It was going to be a long trip. Four days and three nights. She didn't really have anything to do, except contact her mother. And she was putting that off as long as possible. Luwaxana Troi, daughter of the fifth house, heir to the holy rings of betazed, holder of the sacred chalice of rixx, would never understand this new adventure. She would abhor the lack of niceties, the lack of luxury for her royal daughter. It had been hard enough when Deanna entered Starfleet, but Luwaxana was somewhat placated by the fact she would be on the flagship Enterprise, which was often referred to as a "flying hotel." It was nice enough.

Deanna sat down on her bed and stared out the window. The stars zoomed by at such a speed, they blurred into one another. Deanna had met the shuttle's pilot and some of the other guests who were going to Betazed. She was the only one going to Planet One. Everyone was so excited to hear about this newly terra-formed planet but all Deanna wanted was to be alone. She shared everything as politely as she could, then excused herself to her room. There was some comfort in solitude for her, she felt she could fully relax. She let her thoughts wander to the place where they always ended up; her imzadi. "What are you doing right now, Will?" she wondered. She imagined him on an exciting mission, glowing in his Captainly duties, probably half forgotten of her already. Deanna shook her head, realizing this kind of thinking was doing more harm than good. She thought if she could send him a message through their bond, a message of encouragement, a message of her pride in him. She closed her eyes and relaxed, concentrating on the man she loved more than life itself, concentrating on their bond. It was hard to re-ignite, since she had closed it to him for some time now. But she desperately wanted to connect to him one last time, to let him know she still loved him, she was still his friend, and always would be. She tried hard but still could not break through. She took a deep breath and relaxed her body and mind, then tried again. There was so much distance between them, but their bond had been special, strong, and she believed she could do this. With the love in her heart she pushed and pried, gently at first, then with more effort, and finally, finally the bond broke open. She felt the small tingling at first as she tilted her head back, eyes closed, and smiled. The wonderful warmth of him began to seep into her soul. "Oh Will" she breathed as a small tear escaped down her relieved face. She could feel his excitement, his wonder at this new position and probably what was a new mission. His mind tickled hers with unbridled pride and satisfaction. She smiled again at his happiness, his accomplishment. She waited until everything was fully connected before she attempted to send her message to him. "_I'm proud of you, imzadi_" was all she said. Light years away, almost a lifetime, a newly appointed Captain's eyes grew wide as his head tilted back.

"Sir, is everything alright?" Lt. Tukaro said as he saw Captain Riker's head suddenly tilt back with an expression of shock on his face, his breathing quickening. Cmdr. Truit was chatting with Cpt. Rola at the engineering station, they did not notice, but turned when they heard the Lieutenant. The Captain tried to take in a deep breath which was difficult. He had been focused on his mission, when all of a sudden he felt something open in him, something he hadn't felt in so long and it felt so good. His whole body shuddered as he heard his lover's voice in his head "I'm proud of you, Imzadi." He gasped as his head tilted back, shocked that he could still hear her at this distance. Shocked that she would even try. As he brought his head back down, caught his breath, and tugged his uniform down, he replied to the crew who were all looking at him, "I'm fine everyone. Thank you." They all went back to their business, but Tukaro gave him a suspicious look. He wondered if Tukaro, a Vulcan, had heard Deanna's message. He took in another deep breath and composed himself. Then he focused, concentrated as hard as he could, as hard as he ever had. He knew he probably had one chance to send his message before the bond closed again. He took all of his energy, all the longing he had in his heart for Deanna, even all the pain, and channeled it through their link, trying so hard to push it through, to get it to her. It was all he could do to keep himself upright with all the energy he was exerting. But then he felt it. That beautiful essence. The beautiful essence that was her, Deanna Troi. It eased into his soul with the grace of a gently flowing stream on a summer's day. He felt his entire body relax into its warmth. Then he formed the image in his mind, the message he had for her, and he sent it. The next thing he knew he was on the floor on his hands and knees in front of his chair, barely able to keep himself up, panting heavily. "Sir?" Tukaro said again with great concern in his voice as he stood to go to his Captain and help him up. But Will stood up as quickly as he could, shook his head, and pulled down his uniform top. His cheeks were slightly red of embarrassment. "I'm going to my quarters." He said as dignified as he could. "Truit, you have the bridge". And with that, he headed for the turbolift, hoping no one would ask him what had happened. Cmdr. Truit looked up to Lt. Tukaro who raised his right eyebrow. "What the hell was that?" she asked as Cpt . Rola shook his head, chuckling. "Maybe had got a bad replicator ration at lunch".

Deanna knew her message had gotten through. Then she waited. She could feel Will's energy as he attempted to send to her, his depleting strength. But Deanna was patient, she could wait forever to hear his voice again in her mind. Her breathing was heavy as she wrung her hands together in her lap. Seconds passed, then minutes, but she could feel he was still trying. Suddenly, the tingle began and traveled all the way from the back of her head up through the top and down through her whole body. She was trembling as she heard his message to her, she grasped the blanket below her to steady herself. And then she heard it. The man who's voice could change her whole world with one word. "_Imzadi_".

Captain William T. Riker didn't stay long in his quarters, just enough to get his bearings and settle himself after hearing from her. He didn't even have time to ruminate or think or second-guess….in precisely 20 minutes his ship would be entering the Delora System, on their way to a unique space anomaly to explore. Only one other ship had ever attempted it, and disappeared within minutes, never to be found again. But his ship had new sensors, fitted specifically for this mission, and he wasn't afraid. He tugged on his uniform one more time, and headed back to the bridge. He strode onto it confidently, holding his head high and his shoulders back, trying to correct their perception of an embarrassed and vulnerable Captain from just moments before. "Lt. Tukaro, report!" he barked as he turned the corner and took his seat in the Captain's chair. "Now entering the Delora System, sir" the Vulcan replied in his calm voice. Will looked to his right at his first officer, a huge grin on his face, and she reached over to squeeze his arm. They were both excited for this. "Think we'll disappear into it?" she said, half-teasing. "I hope so" he replied with a wink. Leslie Truit tilted her head back and laughed. Her Captain was even more adventurous than she'd imagined. "How are the engines doing Captain?" Will asked his chief engineer. Everyone was still getting used to their Captain calling one of his staff Captain as well. For everyone else on the bridge, they referred to the chief engineer as Rola so no one would get confused. But Will liked to honor the title that Rola had earned. "So far, so good Captain" Rola replied. For missions such as this, he liked to control engineering from the bridge, to be right in the middle of the action. "Lt. Truit, how's our security officer doing?" Will had stopped in once to sickbay to visit Lt. Mahar, his klingon security officer. He was surprised to find he was nothing like Worf, he was far more jovial and enjoyed a good joke now and then. "Dr. Ree says he should be able to join us on the bridge by tomorrow, sir" Leslie replied. "Good. Regardless of the mission, I always like to have my Security Officer on the bridge." Will said. "You think I couldn't protect you?" Leslie goaded him. Will feigned distaste and turned and looked her up and down. "A woman?!" he said sourly. Unaware he was joking, the rest of the bridge officer's heads snapped around with eyes wide, holding their breath, waiting for her response. "A woman who could kick your Captainly hide at anbu-jitsu. Sir." She replied. Will's eyes grew wide as he looked to his other officers. They were sure he would reprimand her right then and there in front of everyone. Instead, he just blew a breath out of his mouth and said "Alright, now I'm afraid of you." There was a moment of tense silence, and then Will and Leslie broke out in laughter and as the rest of the crew caught on, they began nervously laughing as well.

Not long after that as the crew sat in companionable silence on the bridge, awaiting their destination, a small fissure appeared on the viewscreen. "Captain, I believe we are approaching the space anomaly" Tukaro said from his position at ops-con. Captain William Riker's head shot up as he stood and said "Magnify!" Lt. Tukaro complied and a long thin swirling line came on screen. Everyone was quiet for a moment. "It's beautiful" Leslie breathed softly. The line filled the screen from top to bottom and it was undulating. It was brightly colored, almost like a firework, with long streaks of cherry red and lavender, and little sparks of gold littered about. It sparkled brilliantly against the backdrop of black and void space, and all that could be heard on the bridge was the breathing of the senior officers. Will stood in awe for a few moments, then said "how long until we arrive at its entrance?" "Five minutes sir" Tukaro replied. "Good. Captain, get those sensors ready, we're going to try as damn well best we can to enter that thing and find out what's going on. Hopefully we can find the other ship as well." "Very good, sir" Rola replied. Five minutes seemed to take an eternity for the anxious crew, but finally they were there, facing it head-on. "What do the sensors tell us, Captain?" Will asked quietly, almost as if not to disturb anything. "Well, if the sensors Starfleet fitted us with are accurate, I don't see any kind of time-space distortion in the fissure, I think we would be safe, but we can't know what's on the other side." Rola replied. "Unless it's just the space we see behind it" Leslie said, still staring at the screen. "That's possible" Will said "it may just be a galactic piece of artwork that won't affect us in any way. The question is, do we want to take that chance?" Everyone was quiet. Then Leslie spoke up. "How did the other ship disappear?" "From what I understand" Will replied "it had entered the fissure and long-range communication said everything was fine. Then after a couple days, no one ever heard from them again." Leslie shuddered slightly, and then said "well that gives us a couple days to figure it out once we're in there, right?" Will looked at her and gave her one of his famous Riker grins. "A woman after my own heart" he said. "No Starfleet captain ever got anywhere without taking a few risks. And this is one I'm willing to take. Lt. Tukaro, take us in!" With that Will walked over to the ops-con station, placing one foot up on a slight ledge that protruded out and leaned over towards Tukaro. "Steady as she goes, Liuetenant" he said. The Aerheart moved slowly, inching its way towards the fissure. The brightness was almost blinding as Will saw the very front of his ship begin to enter. Nothing changed, so he told Tukaro to continue. They continued gliding slowly into the fissure, Will checked with Rola for any signs of another ship or any possible life signs. There were none. "Keep going, Lieutenant" Will said as they continued their entrance. The saucer section of the ship continued to move as the view screen seemed to pop right through the fissure and end up out on the other side. "Report, Captain!" Will said. Rola checked his sensors and replied "everything seems to be normal, sir. It would appear we are still in the same space and simply part way in and part way out of the fissure. Will let out the breath he had been holding. "It looks like we're just going to go right through this thing" he said. Suddenly, the ship shook violently and came to a complete stop, jerking Will backwards, landing on his backside, bruising his wrists as he caught himself. "Sir" Tuakaro said evenly as he fiddled with his controls, "it would appear that we are…stuck". Everyone looked to each other as Will got up quickly and brushed himself off. "What do you mean stuck?" he asked, slightly irritated. "I mean, sir, that I cannot move forward, nor backward, nor to either side, nor up, nor down, no matter what I do" Tukaro replied. Will turned to look at Rola. "He's right Captain" Rola said. "Our sensors indicate that we are being held here, most likely by the fissure. It would appear to be enveloping about a three foot-wide plane that cuts right through the center of our saucer section." Will looked at Leslie and arched his eyebrow. She shrugged her shoulders in resignation and confusion. Will thought for a moment and said "Cmdr. Truit, you have the bridge, Captain, you're with me". Leslie raised her finger to protest, but Will shot her a look that said "This one is mine". Technically, she should be the one investigating the anomaly. With that Will and Rola exited the bridge and headed towards the center of the saucer section. They took the turbolift down to the middle floor and exited, traveling through the corridors until they reached the fissure. It cut through the particular hallway they were on. Will could see its eerily beautiful red and lavender lights creating a see-through shield across the hall from one side to the other. The gold sparkles dotted the shield and continued on throughout the hallway. On the other side of the shield everything looked normal, but no officers nor civilians could be seen walking about. "Where is everyone" Will wondered, hoping that no on inside the fissure had been injured, or worse yet, killed. He and Rola just stood there, as Rola stepped forward with his tricorder to see if he could get any readings. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, the readings were as if there were no fissure there at all. Will huffed out a breath and shifted his feet, crossing his arms across his chest, studying the anomaly. "The readings say nothing's there?" he double checked with Rola. "Yes sir. That is what they say." Will paused again, staring down at the wall. "Well, there's only one way to find out" Will said as he reached his hand out towards the fissure. "Sir!" Rola yelled as he tried to reach out and grab Will's hand back, but it was too late. Will's hand was firmly planted within the three foot beam of lights and he continued to stand there, unaffected. He pushed it in up to his elbow and felt nothing. He swirled it around inside the beam, opening and closing his fingers. Rola stood there, his mouth agape. Then Will pulled his hand back out and stood, turning to Rola. "Captain, I believe your readings are correct" he stated with a smile. "And I need to find out where all the people are on that other side. You with me?" Rola looked wide-eyed at his fearless Captain and shrugged. "What the heck?" he said as he nodded to Will. Will turned back to the wall of lights and in one quick move, stepped right through it.

Will knew he could only spend a few minutes inside his quarters but he needed a chance to collect himself after hearing from her. The ship would be arriving soon at their destination, so once collected he headed for the bridge, and walked onto it as confidently as possible to erase from his crew's mind his previous embarrassing situation. He still felt Deanna all through him, and it felt wonderful, in fact, the most wonderful he had ever felt. It was like a euphoria. As soon as his crew saw him, Cmdr. Truit said "Sir! What did you find? Where's Rola?" Will looked at her strangely. "What do you mean? Rola's right back ther….." Will looked at the engineering station but no one was there. He looked back to Leslie with a confused look, then looked at the sensors at his station and saw a brightly colored fissure enveloping the middle of the Aerhart. "Red Alert!" he shouted as the klaxons began to go off. "Sir?" Leslie asked loudly, having to yell over the sirens. "What happened at the fissure? What's going on?" "Commander, what are you talking about?" Will shouted, irritably. Will looked around and saw that no one was concerned and all were looking at him with a confused expression on their faces. Will ordered the klaxons turned off and then turned to his first officer. "Alright. Tell me what happened. I'm as confused as you are." With that Leslie filled him in on all that had happened since he'd entered the bridge the first time. Will thought for a moment and then his memory started slowly fading in. He did remember arriving at the fissure, then entering it, then getting stuck, then going with Rola to see it. He remembered sticking his hand in, then walking through the fissure, then…..finding himself back in his quarters just after Deanna had mind-sent to him, and feeling the most euphoric he had ever felt. It was so amazing, in fact, that for a split second he wanted to go back and enter the fissure again. Just as he was thinking that, Captain Rola walked onto the bridge, rubbing his head, looking confused. "Captain, what just happened?" Will said, hoping to get some answers from his chief engineer. Rola stopped and looked up at Will. "Well, I found myself on one of the most beautiful planets I'd ever visited, I'd been longing to go there again, my time there had been such a good time in my life. And all of a sudden I was there, enjoying it for many days. It was absolutely amazing. And then I was back in my quarters, wondering if I'd been on shore leave but not remembering ever asking for any. And then I came up here because I knew I needed to be here for when we approached the space anomaly. But…Sir, I'm a little confused."

"You're not alone in that chief" Riker said as he continued to scratch his head. He slowly walked over and took his chair. "It would appear that the ship is still tethered to the fissure which envelopes the mid-section with a three foot wide beam. It is safe to go through, but if my and Captain Rola's experiences are any indication, the fissure seems to take us to times and places that were magnificent for us, then magnify that euphoric feeling, then drop us off back in our quarters. I must admit, I am tempted to go back in again." Riker said as he eyed his chief engineer. Rola looked down at the floor and said sheepishly "Me too, sir". Will looked around at all his crew who were standing with mouths open. Suddenly Leslie turned to leave quickly saying "I've got to experience this!" but was caught by Will's hand grabbing her arm and whipping her around. She looked at his face and met his warning eyes and shaking head. "I think we need to figure out how to get out of here. No one else will be going into the beam" Will stated, authoritatively. "Sir" Rola got Will's attention. "What about all the missing people on the other side of the beam? The hallways were empty." Will thought for a moment, stroking his beard. Then he turned to Leslie. "I want a full accounting of everyone who is on the ship and anyone who is missing." "On it sir" Leslie said as she turned to leave the bridge. "and Lieutenant" Riker warned as she turned around "no going into the beam. It's off-limits". "Understood sir" she said as she continued on her way. Will turned to Rola and Tukaro. "Captain, Lieutenant, I want you to find any way you can to break us free of this. I have a bad feeling that we need to get out of here as soon as we can." They both nodded their consent and met at the science station. Just then, Lt. Mahar walked onto the bridge. "Lieutenant. It's good to see you up and about" Will said with a smile, thinking how much Mahar reminded him of Worf. "It's good to be here, sir. How can I be of service?" Riker explained to the Klingon what was happening and the two set about to coming up with some strategies. Mahar did research on anything he could find dealing with fissures of this kind. But it was unique. He informed the Captain that as chief security officer he needed to check it out at its source. Captain Riker reluctantly agreed but told him to be careful. Mahr approached the beam tentatively on each level of the ship where it dissected. He decided to check further on a different floor than the Captain had been on to see if there was a difference. As he stood before it taking in the colors and the vibrancy of it, he heard one of his security officers behind him. "Souk, over here" he said. Souk came up behind him "Sir" he said. "I want you to hang onto me. I need to go into this to see what we're dealing with, the Captain found it to be safe enough, but hold onto my arm just in case." "Aye, sir" souk said as he took ahold of Mahar's arm. Mahar took in a deep breath and then stepped into the beam. A gentle wind swirled around him as he stepped onto the Klingon homeworld at his father's birth day. There was huge party going on, drinking and feasting and dancing around the battle circle in the middle of town. Mahar had just attended this party two months ago. But he was here again and it had been one of the highlights of his life. His father had been so happy and so proud of him, and they celebrated their good fortune together. They toasted their glasses and moved around the circle in a war chant, laughing and patting each other on the back. Mahar could not remember feeling better. He knew he needed to get back to the ship, but he didn't want to. And he didn't know how. In fact, he couldn't even remember how he'd gotten here. All of a sudden, he saw a light glowing in the distance and told his father he needed to check it out to see what it was. He walked towards it and as he stepped into its light he found himself standing in a corridor of the enterprise with Souk holding his arm. "Sir?" Souk said as he gently pulled Mahar further back from the beam. The Klingon looked around in confusion. "Sir are you alright?" Souk asked concerned. Mahar looked around and then saw the beam. "Ensign, what is this?" he asked as he looked irritatingly at his arm being held captive. Souk quickly dropped Mahar's arm. "don't you remember?" he said. "You asked me to hold your arm when you stepped into the beam. You stepped in for a second, then stepped back out again." Mahar looked even more perplexed. "No, I was on the Klingon homeworld!" he growled. "and I was there for an entire evening!" he growled again. Souk did not dare disagree with him but they both went to see the Captain to explain everything that had happened. After speaking with the Captain for awhile, Mahar's memory came back to him. "Well, at least you didn't end up in your quarters. Now we know one can step right back out of the beam if someone or something is restraining them" Will said. Will then contacted Leslie and told her to gather the senior staff together for a meeting first thing the next morning. "I think we all need some sleep" he said to Mahar and Souk as he dismissed them.

Will walked to his quarters running his fingers through his hair. It had been a long and trying day, his ship was still being tethered to an unknown fissure that seemed to bring a euphoric drug-like state to anyone who entered it, they were stuck, and he was very very tired. As he changed into his night clothes and performed his evening ablutions, he tried to think of how the other ship had disappeared. He was anxious to hear Leslie's report the next morning to see if any of his crew was missing. He got into his bed and lay his head down on the pillow, calling for lights out. He breathed out a heavy sigh and with moments was fast asleep.

"_Imzadi_" the melodic voice whispered to him from far away. "_Imzadi, come here. I'm waiting_". He opened his eyes and looked around. "where are you?" he asked into the darkness. "Im here. Come be with me." She whispered across space, her soft gentle tones luring him out of bed. "I want you. I need to be with you" Will got out of bed, his feet barely touching the floor as he walked towards where the voice was coming from. He walked through his quarters and through the door out into the corridor. He was still in his pajamas and barefoot, his eyes glazed over as he continued walking. _"Imzadi_" he heard her call him. He followed her sound. "Sir?" an ensign said as she saw him pass by. "Sir, are you alright?" But Will didn't hear her, just continued on his mission. The Ensign was taken aback, but decided she'd better report to Dr. Ree that their Captain was sleep-walking through the corridors. She didn't think it would be dignified for others to see that. Will continued following the voice until he came upon an obstacle. It was the beam and it shone magically and ethereally in front of him. "Imzadi, come to me" she beckoned in the most lovely voice he'd ever heard. Without hesitation, his eyes still glazed, his body working of its own accord, Captain William T. Riker stepped deep into the beam, and disappeared.

Deanna was exhausted from mind-sending to Will at such a distance. His precious message of "imzadi" would brand her soul for a lifetime. She would carry it within her forever, as it might be the last time she heard his sweet voice in her mind, heart and soul. She heaved a heavy sigh as she glanced around her dark quarters. Her mother's ignorance of her journey kept nagging at her, but she still didn't feel ready to contact her. She knew Luwaxana would not approve, and Deanna just didn't have the energy to deal with it right now. She knew she needed to get her mind off Will. The shuttle was close enough to Betazed by now that she could turn her terminal to the Betazed news station and see what was going on on her home planet. The news streamed monotone as she stared blankly at the screen. "nothing new" she thought as she stood and walked over to the antiquated replicator. "Computer, hot chocolate" she said as a mug materialized into view in the small space. Deanna picked it up at brought it to her mouth as she took a sip. "Ugh" she coughed as she spit it back into the cup. "Chocolate flavored water" she said out loud, then thought "even chocolate doesn't taste good _that_ way." She set the mug down, sat down again on her bed and ran her fingers through her hair. She thought about what her new home would be like, what her new life would be like. She looked at the suitcases on her floor and decided instantly that she would take only one with her. "I'm going to live simply, meaningfully" she thought to herself as she began to go through her belongings to decided which ones to keep. She came upon the poem Will had written to her so many years before, when they'd first met on Betazed. She held it close to her heart. Should she throw it away? It might make it easier to forget him. She held it in her hand and slowly moved it toward the suitcase she would be leaving behind, held it over it, paused for a moment, then slowly brought it back and dropped it into the suitcase she would be taking. "Attention all passengers, we will be arriving at Planet One shortly. Please prepare to deboard". Deanna sat up at the announcement and realized it was time. She stood and walked to the terminal on the desk and punched in the appropriate codes. "Little One! I'm so glad you contacted me" her mother's booming voice came over the com. Deanna gave her a half-smile. "Mother, there's something I have to tell you", she said. Luwaxanna feigned surprise and interest, then burst out laughing as Deanna's brow knit in confusion. "Oh little one, did you think I couldn't hear your thoughts booming into my mind at this close distance? It's as if a loud speaker were on your brain!" Deanna rolled her eyes. Of course her mother knew. At this point, her mother probably knew everything. Deanna braced for her response. Luwaxana looked at her daughter and said gently, "I understand Deanna. You need to get away. You need to start a new life." "You…you…understand?" Deanna said in shock. "Yes dear, I do. It has apparently been a rough road for you and Will, and he's gone now. but let me tell you, little one, you will never completely get away from your imzadi, no matter how hard you try." Deanna sighed and said softly "I hope you're wrong mother." Without missing a beat Luwaxana said "I have done some research on this Planet One, and I think it could be a really good experience for you. But are you sure as a Daughter of the Fifth House, Heir to the holy rings of Betazed, holder of the sacred…" before she could finish Deanna held her hand up and said "Mother! I'll be fine." "I could arrange for a little more comfort and luxury for you" Luwaxana tried again. "no thank you, mother. I want to experience this like everyone else." Deanna replied. "As you wish, dear" her mother said as they continued their conversation and catching up on each other's lives. The announcement came over the speaker system that they had arrived at Planet One and to prepare to beam down. "I need to go mother" Deanna said as a tear slowly slipped down her cheek. "I'll be thinking about you, little one" Luwxana said sadly. "And don't be afraid to contact me if you need me" Luwaxana said as she pointed to her head. "We will be within range". Deanna nodded as she said one last goodbye to her mother and turned off the comm. She lifted her one suitcase with her only material goods inside and exited her quarters walking to the transporter room.

After beaming down to the surface to the only building on the planet with a transporter site and computer terminal, Deanna had been shuttled to her cabin, her own piece of property in the midst of the homesteaders. "You are single?" the male attendant had said to her. "Yes, I am" she replied. Then a shiver ran up her spine as she thought he had leered at her and sensed evil in his mind. But just as quickly as it had come, it left, and she thought it must be her exhaustion from all the travel, because that kind of response was not what this planet was about at all. The Federation had been very careful to make this a safe place for women and children, a caring and nurturing environment for beings to better themselves and find meaning and purpose in their lives. "Thank you, that's all I need for now" Deanna dismissed the attendant as she watched him leave. She had a sudden urge to lock the door behind her, but then saw there was no lock. "of course there isn't" she reminded herself. This was planned to be a Utopian planet where one never needed to fear. She reminded herself that Admiral Hodge and his team lived just a few miles away in the main government building, a highly respected and decorated Admiral in Starfleet who would see personally to her safety, she was sure. Deanna looked around her small home and literally fell in love with it. It was quaint, with a stone fireplace and soft comfy furniture surrounding it. There was a wood burning stove in the kitchen and indoor plumbing, thank goodness. Her bedroom fit only her bed and one small dresser, but the bed was high and large, with such a plump mattress she wanted to curl up on it right away. Each room had its own window, and the kitchen window looked out back to the garden she would be tending. She would also be helping out in the community garden in town as part of her working life. She went to the kitchen to look in her cupboards and they had been filled with mixes for soups and stews, there was one loaf of bread in the refrigerator and some green-colored liquid to drink. But there was something missing, and by god she was going to leave immediately to go to the general store in town and stock up. As she looked back out the window it had started to rain and she became aware that the planet seemed to be a bit damp and gray, but that was how her soul felt at the moment so it suited her just fine. She would go and make her special purchase, then return and light a fire in the fireplace. She grabbed a scarf she had brought and wrapped it around her head and shoulders, then put on a jacket to ward off the chill. She stepped outside and was caught by a sharp breeze as she pulled her jacket tighter around her. It was only a mile walk to the store as she set about on her way.

"Can I help you, miss?" the woman at the counter had said as she saw Deanna looking around for something. Deanna's scarf was quite soaked and she still had raindrops on her face. "Yes, please" she said to the pleasant woman, older, plumper with a soft and kind-looking face. "I'm looking for hot chocolate. It's an earth drink made with chocolate and milk." "Oh, got nothin' like that here, miss" the woman replied. "But I can direct you to yakmarian milk and powdered pok pods that I am told are similar to chocolate. And I think I got some actual honey here to help sweeten it all". Deanna smiled gently as she allowed the woman to lead her around to each of the ingredients. She was wary of pok pods, but for the next two years she might have to just get used to it, it was better than nothing. "Thank you so much" she said as she handed the woman an IOU. It was for a bag of earth cucumbers that she would be growing in her garden. There was no money or credits on this planet, simply exchanging one service for another, all working together in community. "By the way, I'm Miss Sadines" the older woman said as she offered Deanna her hand. "Nice to meet you Miss Sadines" Deanna said as she shook her hand. "My name is Deanna Troi". "Welcome to Planet One, Deanna Troi" the older woman said. But Deanna couldn't help but notice the somewhat haunted look in her eyes as she said it.

Deanna hurried home with her treasure and as soon as she got inside she took one of the large plump armchairs and pushed it up against the door. Something was giving her the creeps about this place and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Even if it was only her imagination, she felt safer blocking the doorway. Tomorrow would be a better day, the sun would be out, she could meet her neighbors, and get a better feel of everything. She walked into the kitchen and realized she had no way to start a fire. "I hope they don't expect us to rub two sticks together" she thought to herself as she rummaged through the cupboards and was relieved to find a box of matches. She lit the kindling they had left her in the stove and then walked into the main room and lit the kindling in her large fireplace. Everything caught well, and soon she had a blazing fire going in both places. She took off her soaked scarf and coat and draped them over the chair by the fireplace as she shivered. Her hair and clothes were damp also, so she removed her dress and placed it on the chair as well. For a moment she stood naked close to the fire to dry and warm her body. It felt sooo good. So cozy. But even though all of her drapes were closed, she couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching her. She shivered again and walked to her bedroom, taking one of her long silken nightgowns out of her suitcase and putting it on, enjoying the feeling of it gliding over her body. Then she put her hair up in one of the towels provided so it could dry. She walked to the kitchen and set about making her mug of hot whatever it would turn out to be.

Twenty minutes later Deanna sat on the soft sofa in front of her fireplace. Her hair was down now and dry, her skin warming with the glow of the fire. Her feet were curled up under her and she had an afghan wrapped around her shoulders. She stared for the longest time at the steaming mug in her hand then brought it to her nose to sniff. "Hmmm….doesn't smell too bad" she thought. Then she mustered all her courage and hesitantly took a sip. "Oh my god" she said out loud. "This is delicious!" The pok pods were actually deeper and richer than chocolate, and the yakmarian milk was thick with a high butterfat content. "Oh my" Deanna said again. "Staying here is going to be better than I thought!" Within minutes she devoured her drink and sleepily headed off to bed to be enveloped in the thick warm comforter and darkness of her first night on Planet One.

The next morning Deanna awoke, confused and disoriented. Where was she? Why was it so dark? She slowly sat up and looked around at her tiny cozy room. "Oh yes" she remembered where she was. Then she looked out the window. It was gray and dreary again. Was it still night? How could she tell, they had no clocks here, no computer terminals? But then she heard voices outside and as she peeked through the curtains she saw the women of the village, her neighbors, doing work in their gardens and speaking to each other across the small fences. It had never occurred to her to check the weather patterns of the planet before she'd made her decision to come here. She hoped these rainy days did not come often. She rose slowly and began her morning ablutions, fixing herself another cup of hot pokolate as she now called it, for breakfast. She then dressed and quickly went outside as she wanted to meet her neighbors while they were still there. The rain had stopped though the skies were still gray. She wondered why they gardened in the rain. She donned her jacket and exited her front doorway after moving the chair. "Hello" she said loudly as she could see her next door neighbor and a woman across the dirt road as they were conversing with each other. "Hi!" the neighbor across the street waved kindly as she began to come across. The other woman stood up and they both walked over to where Deanna was standing. "Welcome" her next door neighbor said a little shyly. "Welcome to Planet One!" the woman who'd been across the street exclaimed loudly. Deanna's neighbor leaned over to her and said softly "this is our resident loud-mouth, Fran. But we love her!" Deanna stifled a giggle as Fran pretended to be offended but then laughed and shook Deanna's hand. "And my name is Shandy" said her neighbor as she too shook Deanna's hand. "You must have just arrived". "Yes" Deanna said. "I got in last night, my first night here". "Well, we hope you enjoy your stay as best you can, love" Fran said. We're all here for two years, like it or not. Some got it better than others". Deanna looked at Fran perplexed but before she could ask about her comment, Shandy had invited her inside for tea and biscuits and Fran joined them. As they sat around the table talking and getting to know to each other, Deanna made a few observations. "I notice so far that most of the people here are humanoid". Shandy spoke up. "For some reason, yes they are. But there are other life forms who have just seemed to congregate in different neighborhoods. A sort of accidental segregation, if you will." Deanna nodded and then said "I also notice the gray weather. I hope it isn't that way all the time." Fran waved her hands in the air. "oh god it is all the time. All the time. I'm willing to bet that like us, you didn't bother to check about the weather patterns before you came". Deanna rolled her eyes. "Sometimes I wonder what I've gotten myself into" she said. Shandy gave a wary look to Fran and it reminded Deanna of the haunted look she'd seen in Miss Sadines' eyes. "Should I wonder?" Deanna asked. "Is there something wrong with this place?" Both of her new friends looked at each other but said nothing. After a long silence that caused the hair on Deanna's arms to stand on end, Shandy spoke. "Have you been bonded yet?" Deanna shook her head no. "What's bonded? What does that mean?" she asked. Again, Shandy looked at Fran who sighed, and then looked at Deanna. "My dear, we've all been duped. You had no way of knowing, Shandy here and I have been here for a couple of months and we have been bonded. But I'm one of the lucky ones and Shandy not as lucky but far more than most." Deanna's heart rate was going up as they spoke, she felt a cold fear prickle at the back of her neck. "In a couple weeks time after you've gotten used to your new setting, one of the Admiral's men will come for you. He will take you back to headquarters where you will be "shown" to several men, sometimes up to ten of 'em. Then they will bargain with each other as to which one gets to be bonded to you. The one who wins will take you back to your home and it will become both of yours home. You will live to serve him and make him happy. If you try to escape, the punishment will be severe. I saw one of my friends tortured to death. It was unbearable." Fran looked away in horror as Shandy looked down at the table. Deanna sat there , not believing what she was hearing. A few moments of silence passed, and then Deanna started to laugh. "Oh I get it. This is some sort of initiation, like a hazing" she said. "You two are trying to scare me to death, as a joke." Deanna kept smiling a she looked at the two women who weren't able to face her. "Wait….no, this can't be true. It can't be true!" she said loudly as she realized her friends had not been joking with her. "I thoroughly researched this planet and this program. My mother researched it. It's headed by Starfleet, they would have known about something like this!" Deanna said, incredulous. "Not if they don't know about it themselves" Fran said, sadly. Deanna looked at her, crinkling her brows together. "But Admiral Hodge" but before she could continue Shandy finished for her, "is one of them". "You mean he's a traitor? He's aware of all this and allowing it to continue?" Deanna gasped. "He brought it here" Fran said. "It was his idea to make this a Utopia for himself and any of his male friends and colleagues. On the rare occasion Starfleet brass visits to check up on it, he makes sure everything looks perfectly as it is supposed to. If any of the women speak up, they are later put to death." "oh my god" Deanna said as she thought how someone can seem so honorable, so respectable, and such an evil could be lurking right underneath. "No, this isn't right. I won't tolerate it!" Deanna said. "Ya ain't got a choice, love" Fran said. "Yes, yes I do" Deanna stated simply as she stood, a rage brewing within her, and turned and exited Shandy's home, heading straight for the headquarters building.

"Why Deanna, it's good to see you!" Admiral Hodge said as he placed both hands on her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. Deanna cringed slightly, and then realized maybe her friends had been teasing her after all. "Admiral, can I speak to you privately?" Deanna said. "Why of course" the Admiral said as he led her into his office. Deanna sat down as he closed the door and for a few moments they exchanged pleasantries and caught up with each other, Admiral Hodge had been at Starfleet Academy while Deanna had been there and had helped her recommend to Starfleet to have counselors aboard starships. "I'm glad you came to stay and be a part of this program" Admiral Hodge smiled at her. "Well, that's what I want to talk to you about, sir" she replied. "I've been hearing some strange things that I simply can't believe are true, can't believe that you would tolerate". With that Deanna explained in detail everything Fran and Shandy had shared with her. As she continued to speak the Admiral's eyes grew cold. He looked at her for a moment and then said "it's not as bad as that, Deanna. The men who come here are looking for a good life. You will get someone good, I promise." Deanna's mouth flew open. "Oh my god, it's true!" she gasped as she stood quickly. "You have betrayed Starfleet and turned this planet into….into….a place that demeans and imprisons women! What has happened to you? I thought I knew you!" her voice became louder and louder until she was screaming. The Admiral simply sat and stared at her. "Sit down, Deanna" he commanded in a low voice. Deanna stayed standing, glaring at him defiantly. "Suit yourself" he said. "but you'd do best to remember that at this point, and for the next two years, your life is in my hands. If you don't want to come to….an unfortunate end….I'd suggest you adapt to the way we do things here, and adapt willingly. I have chosen a partner for you that I think is suitable. You will do whatever is necessary to make him happy. And after your two years are up, you are free to leave. You can complain to Starfleet all you want, but they won't believe you. I have inside connections all over the place." Deanna began to tremble as her fists clenched at her sides. She involuntarily began scanning the room and outside the door as she thought of a way to escape. The Admiral threw his head back and laughed. "There's no escape here, Deanna. What are you thinking? I have my men all over the place! And if you did escape you'd only end up in the surrounding forest and most likely be eaten by one of the wild animals. It's happened many times in the five years I've been here." Deanna huffed out her anger and stood rigid, her mind racing trying to think of any possibility of getting off this planet, beads of sweat forming on her forehead. She was terrified, but didn't let the Admiral know that. "You'll never get away with this!" she yelled at him. The Admiral ignored her and leaned forward in his chair and tapped the comm. on his desk. "Captain Torman. I have a nice surprise for you, two weeks early. Please come to my office." Within seconds Admiral Hodge's second-in-command entered his office. He was a burly handsome man with jet black hair that went past his shoulders and slightly pointed ears. Deanna guessed that he was human with part Romulan in him. "Yes sir" he said as he stood before the Admiral. The Admiral simply nodded toward Deanna with his hand held out. Captain Torman looked towards Deanna, taking in all her beauty, looking her up and down. "My god, Hodge, this is the one you were saving for me? Wow, I'm indebted to you for this!" Deanna cringed, knowing that this was the man she was supposed to be "bonded" to. She glared at him with anger in her eyes. "Take good care of her Tuk." The Admiral smiled. "I don't want her harmed." "Yes sir" Tuk replied as he reached out to take Deanna's arm. She jerked her arm away and ran for the door, but Tuk easily grabbed her by the waist and held her fast. "There's not really anywhere to go, woman" he said as he laughed and then gently set her down. "I'm not like the others. I won't hurt you, as long as you are reasonably cooperative. But I do like a woman with spirit." Deanna turned and spat at him. "You'll get nothing from me!" she shouted. Tuk and Admiral Hodge both chuckled as he and Deanna left the office. "Admiral Hodge told me your name is Deanna Troi and that you were stationed aboard the Enterprise" Tuk said as he led Deanna out the door to his personal transport. Deanna didn't respond. "Fair enough. You probably want to get to know me first" Tuk said. "I am second in command here on the planet, that's why I was lucky enough to have you. I am not interested in dominating you or having you as my slave, but I am looking for a partner who can be happy with me and meet my needs. You needn't worry because I am quite good at meeting _your_ needs as well." Deanna simply glared at him as he smiled wickedly. They rode in silence the rest of the way. "There are some perks to being bonded with the second in command " Tuk said. For one, you don't need to walk everywhere. You have my shuttle at your command. But the pilot will never take you anywhere but within our village. Don't even try." Deanna took in everything he was saying while she devised a plan. "yes, my love" she said as he cocked an eyebrow. "That's more like it, Deanna. I think we are going to get along just fine." When the shuttle arrived at her home, Tuk took her by the elbow and led her out, through the yard and then through the front door, while Fran and Shandy looked on sadly. "They got her right away, poor dear" Fran said as she looked on. "I hope he's a good one" Shandy replied as they both went back to their gardening. When they were inside the cabin, Tuk closed the door. "Give me your wrist" he said. She obediently held up her wrist as he place a titanium band around it, then took his phaser and sealed it closed. "This will keep you within the village. If you try to escape you will be electrocuted. The boundaries are listed on a map at headquarters, where you are free to visit me anytime you like." Deanna lowered her wrist with the new metal band on it. She looked up to Tuk and said "Captain Torman, I'm afraid you have been given a raw deal. Admiral Hodge had no way of knowing, and I am extremely embarrassed about it" Deanna looked to the floor in shame, giving an acting performance that her life depended on. "What is it, lovely lady?" Tuk asked as he led her to the sofa and sat her down. Fake tears began to stream down Deanna's face. "Well, as much as I am happy to be bonded to a man such as yourself, there's something you should know about me. There's a reason I'm not married. "His curiosity was peaked as he said "go on". Deanna wiped a tear from her cheek and said "I'm damaged goods. I was so promiscuous growing up on Betazed that I contracted a serious disease from one of my encounters." Tuk's facial expression went from confusion, to anger, to fear. "What kind of disease? He asked. Deanna looked up into his eyes, looking completely sad and humiliated. "It lies dormant inside me until I make love with a man. Then it transfers to his skin through the sexual contact and within a week begins to eat away at his flesh, starting with his private parts. It's not long until it consumes his entire skin and he dies." Tuk stood backing away from Deanna, horrified. "How do I know you're telling the truth? How do I know you're not just trying to get out of this?" he yelled, indignantly. Deanna looked at the ground again. "Would I humiliate myself like this in front of you?" she asked innocently. "I knew if I didn't tell you and you got sick, I would be killed for it." Tuk thought about that for a moment and knew it was true. Perhaps she was just protecting her own life by telling him. "Besides," Deanna said sadly "if you look in your computer database you will find it in the files on Betazed. It's called Tarya's disease." Tuk huffed in rage as he left her sitting there and hurried out to his shuttle to get back to his headquarters to get access to the only computer on the planet. Once he was gone Deanna laid back on the sofa tilting her head back and laughing. "by god it was easy to fool him" she thought. Indeed everything she had said was true, except for the fact that she hadn't been promiscuous, there had only been two documented cases in her lifetime and the disease had all been irradicated. But the Betazed files wouldn't show that, as they wanted to keep the youth careful and safe, and most Betazoids wanted to wait for marriage to find their imzadi. Deanna did wonder what would happen to her if word got out that she wasn't sexually available, but she hoped they would just leave her alone to do her work and heal her soul. She wasn't sure how long she had sat there, just thinking about everything and still trying to think of a way to get of this god-awful planet, when suddenly Tuk stormed through the door, rage written all over his face. "The Admiral won't let me have someone else. He says I'm stuck with you!" his hand raised above his head and came down clean across Deanna's face. She fell off the sofa onto the floor by the force of it. He grabbed her shoulders and lifted her back up, throwing her violently down onto the sofa. "And I read in the files that the disease is only transferred through penetration, so I guess you'll just be pleasuring me in other ways!" He slapped her again and Deanna fell back on the sofa, grabbing her face, trying to catch her breath from the unexpectedness of the attack. "And by the way, Betazoid, there is a shield around this planet so you won't be sending any telepathic messages to anyone. We have protected the secrets of our planet very well!" With that he grabbed her by the hair and dragged her into the bedroom. By threat of more beating, he forced her to fondle him and satisfy him. It was difficult for him to resist taking her, but the description of the disease was seared into his brain, so she was at least safe from that. "Don't _ever_ disobey me Deanna" he said from low in his throat just before he fell off to sleep. Deanna lay there stunned. She was absolutely stunned. How had she so misjudged the Admiral? Why had Tuk seemed so safe and gentle at first? He obviously had uncontrolled rage when he didn't get his way. She was trapped. There was no escape. She couldn't even get her mind around what was to come in the next two years of her life.

"Hello Imzadi" Will's expectant voice sounded in Deanna's ears and mind as she quickly turned around on the blanket she'd been lounging on, waiting for him. His ear-to-ear grin prompted a laughing smile from her as she patted the blanket next to her and Will came and sat down. He sat behind her and slowly put his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest. Deanna's breath caught in her throat as his hands wandered around to her waistline where he began to caress her. "I'm so glad you were willing to meet me here" he whispered into her ear. "Are you sure you shouldn't be on the bridge Captain?" she arched and eyebrow at him as she looked over her shoulder. But before she could continue her teasing he caught her mouth in his and began to kiss her passionately, urgently. "_No way in hell, imzadi_" he answered her in her mind. She melted into his embrace as he slowly lowered her down to the blanket. They were in the holodeck program of the Janaran Falls where they'd first fell in love, celebrating their fifth anniversary. Will had planned an impromptu "celebration" in the middle of the day, catching Deanna completely off-guard. "_god I love you_" he heard in his mind as he slowly brushed her hair off the side of her face and lay down on top of her. "Happy fifth, my love" he whispered as he took her mouth in his again and heard her moan low in her throat. His kiss was searing and demanding and when he came up for air… he gasped at the sight of what he saw. "Leslie! My god! What are you…." for as he looked below him, Deanna had turned into Leslie, and it was Leslie that he had been kissing. Cmdr. Truit was breathing heavily as she slowly reached up to touch the side of his face. "Will" she said softly. "What's happening?" Will stood quickly, willing his body not to respond further, and turned to run out of the holodeck. When he called for the arch it appeared, and when he ran through it he found himself in the bedroom of his quarters, dripping with sweat. "What the devil" he said as he looked around in confusion. His quarters were dark and he was in his pajamas. Through heaving breaths he hit his combadge hard and said gruffly "Riker to bridge! Who's in charge there?" "Sir, you're back" the monotone voice of Lt. Tukaro said. "I am in charge". "Where's Commander Truit?" he barked. "She was supposed to be in charge for the overnight shift!" "Yes sir" Tukaro responded. "But she saw you walking towards the beam when she was in the corridor and she said you appeared glazed and confused and unresponsive to her calls so she turned the bridge over to me and then went in after you. Are you alright, sir?" Will shook his head, still in confusion, and ran his fingers through his hair. He was trembling and a sense of euphoria rushed through him from his time with Deanna, and then with Leslie. "Yeah, I'm OK Lieutenant. Has Commander Truit returned?" "I have not heard from her" Takuro replied. "Thanks. Riker out". Will slowly sat down on his bed and tried to understand what had just happened. Why had he gone into the beam? Why was Leslie there? And for god's sake, why was he kissing Leslie?! "Computer, location of Commander Truit" he spoke into the air as he willed his breathing to slow down. "Commander Truit is in her quarters" the computer replied. Will hesitated, thought better of it, then decided to tap his com badge anyway. "Riker to Truit". After a brief pause, a breathless voice came over the comm. "Truit here, sir. Are you back?" Will could hear the shakiness of her voice. "Yes, I am. Leslie, what the hell happened in there?" Leslie tensed suddenly, knowing that he was referring to the beam. "There, sir?" she asked, innocently. "You know what I'm referring to, Leslie. Tukaro told me you followed me into the beam". "Yes sir" was all she said. "Alright, I'm not fucking around here, Les. You were in that beam and you were kissing me. What the hell was that?" Will said agitatedly. "Excuse me sir, but you were kissing me" she said indignantly. Will went to defend himself and then he realized she was right. He'd been kissing Deanna, but then it had turned into her and so technically, he was kissing her. He ran his hands through his hair again and sighed. "Alright, Leslie. I am sorry. I didn't mean to. I don't even know what I was doing there. Please call a meeting of all senior staff in one hour. Riker out." He heard the comm. click off and knew he had hurt her by his gruffness. But he truly did not want to be kissing her. He was there with Deanna and it was such a wonderful feeling that he wanted to go back this instant. He stood and started to head for his door and then stopped himself. "What are you doing Riker?" he thought. This beam and the experiences in it were becoming like a drug, and he was feeling addicted to it. It was becoming dangerous. Leslie fell back on her bed after talking to Will as a blush rose to her cheeks. She had thoroughly enjoyed kissing him, but was concerned that that was the scenario that played out for both her and Will when she entered the beam. Was that her fantasy? Was it his? She had no way of knowing. She slowly rose and composed herself, while contacting the other senior officers about the meeting.

"From what Captain Riker has told me, I have great concerns about the effects of this beam" Dr. Ree said to the others seated around the conference table. "It appears that it is able to replicate scenarios from our past or into the future that stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain to such a degree that it becomes addictive. And somehow, the beam actually drew Captain Riker to it the other night, not of his own volition. Therefore, I am recommending we place a forcefield around it that only Lt. Tukaro has access to remove, being as he is Vulcan and the one most able to resist the pull of the beam." "Agreed" Will said to his crew. "This is dangerous and after hearing what the Lieutenant found out about the previous ship in this area, we need to be pro-active for our safety. Please inform, Lieutenant". Tukaro began to share his theory of how the previous ship was most likely caught in the same beam and after a long period of time of not being able to break free of it, the crew started visiting it more and more, becoming completely addicted, and Tukaro's guess was that they all eventually simply stayed within the beam. "Does that mean they could still be alive in there?" Captain Rola exclaimed. "Unknown at this time, sir" Tukaro replied. "For now, we need to find any way we can to break free and get the hell out of here. Dr. Ree I want you on research as to whether we can rescue any previous crew members who may be caught in there. Captain Rola, just get us out of here. Tukaro, you have my authorization to set up the forcefield. Cmdr. Truit, see if you can find any way to contact Starfleet from out here, even if the message doesn't get there for a year." A chorus of "Aye sirs" sounded throughout the room as everyone rose to leave. Before Leslie could go Will said "Commander Truit, a word please." After everyone filed out, Leslie sat down next to Will. "Leslie, I'm sorry. That never should've happened. Somehow the beam must have misunderstood what it read in us." "Really?" Leslie said, a little too familiarly. "Are you sure, sir?" Will looked at her sideways, then realized she was attracted to him. And she was an attractive woman. It wouldn't have been hard for him to be drawn to her as well, if it wasn't for another woman he was desperately longing for. "Well, it didn't find that in me. Maybe it just got our wires crossed since we were both in there at the same time. All the more reason this beam is off-limits". Leslie couldn't hide her disappointment. It wasn't the norm for her to be rejected by any man. "Yes sir" she said stoically as she rose to go. "Leslie" she heard Will Riker say behind her. She turned to meet his eyes. "You're very beautiful. But my heart belongs to another." Leslie's shock was not hidden well. She tried in vain to think of who on the ship Will was attached to. Was there a secret romance? Did he have a wife planetside that no one knew about? "Yes sir. Thank you" she replied as she turned to leave. She felt jealous. She wondered if she'd still have a chance with him if she tried a little harder.

The crew of the Aerhart ended up being stuck in the Delora Sector for three months. True to his word, Tukaro kept the forcefield in place and there were no more incidents with the beam. Will had to work hard to keep everyone's spirits up and assure them that at some point, they would indeed be going home. Captain Rola worked round the clock trying to come up with a way to dislodge the beam. Will was dreaming of Deanna more and more. He missed her far more than he ever thought he would. He still felt angry about her choice of Worf, but he couldn't help it, he loved her. God help him, he loved her. And he would never be able to do otherwise. And one night when Dr. Ree had a conversation with him, he'd made his decision. "So who is she?" the doctor had said one night while he was examining Will for any adverse effects from having been in the beam. "Who is who?" Will asked, perplexed. "The one that has your heart." Dr. Ree replied. Will's eyes went wide, then a grin came slowly across his face. "How did you know?" Will asked. The doctor grinned sideways and then replied "Because in all my years of working with Commander Leslie Truit, not one man has ever been able to resist her. You've had no problem. So I assumed there must be an even more irresistible woman that has captured your soul." "Indeed, there is" Will chuckled as he shook his head up and down. He'd decided then and there that if they ever got out of this situation he would detour directly to the Enterprise and bring his beloved back with him.

"Rola to Captain Riker!" the voice boomed so loudly and excitedly over Will's comm. badge sitting beside his bed that he sat bolt upright, awaking from a deep sleep. "Captain, are you there?!" Rola yelled again. Will sighed and tried to calm his beating heart when he picked up the comm. badge and said groggily "Yes, Captain, I'm here. What is it?" "I've got it Captain! I've got it! I've figured out how to get us out of the beam!" Will got up and hurridly dressed as he practically ran down to engineering. Rola barely waited until Will got through the doorway to start talking. "I've been approaching this all wrong. All wrong" he repeated. "I've been trying to figure out how to get the beam to let go of us. But then I realized that what I really needed to do was to get us to let go of the beam!" Riker nodded for Rola to continue. "I've calculated the probability that if we flood the corridors within the forcefield with negative energy, essentially creating its own black hole, we should be able to free ourselves and push off from the beam". Rola's face beamed with pride. "Side effects?" Riker asked. "Well, it will probably be a little touch and go and we may get beaten around a bit, but I think the ship can handle it." "Then by god, get us out of here!" Riker exclaimed as he patted his chief engineer on the back. Captain Riker briefed the entire crew for what to expect as he and the senior staff braced on the bridge and everyone else braced in their quarters. "Captain Rola, we're ready" Will said as he grabbed the arms on either side of his chair. He could hear the hiss of the computer and ducts as negative energy began to flood all of the portions of corridor inside the forcefield around the beam. The ship began to gently rock and then more violently, as the makeshift "black hole" began to suck the beam into it and free the enterprise. At the first sign that the beam was disappearing, Riker said "Gun it Tukaro! Get us out of here! Warp nine!" Tukaro did as he was told and after one more violent shake that threw several officers to the ground, they were free of the beam and traveling quickly through space. Tukaro turned to face his Captain. "Gun it?" he said with an arched eyebrow. Will laughed at the relief he and all of his crew were feeling and winked at Tukaro. "An old earth saying, my friend."

It took yet another month for the Aerhart and her crew to return to Federation Space. It had been four whole months since Will had seen or talked to Deanna. However, he knew as soon as they'd arrived that he needed to contact Admiral Hanson. "Will, you and your ship have returned! We were all so worried about you! Welcome back!" the Admiral exclaimed. "Thank you sir. I have quite a report for you. And I am sad to say that the crew on the ship that traveled to the Delora Sector before us, all have been lost." The admiral bowed his head and nodded, thanking Will for taking on the daring mission. "I look forward to your report" he had said. Then he gave Will the next orders after making a brief stopover to the nearest starbase for rest and refitting. "You'll be going to Betazed" the Admiral said. Will smiled as he thought of Deanna again and traveling to her home planet. "The Betazeds are meeting with the Tolorians to try to encourage them to join our Federation. But there is a rebel faction that may cause some danger and I want you and your crew to make sure the planet is safe." "Aye sir" Will said. "But I do have one request." "What is it Will?" Admiral Hanson asked. "Well, by my calculations we should be traveling close by to the Enterprise on our way to Betazed. I'd like to stop by and pick up someone I left behind." Will said. "Left behind?" Admiral Hanson asked curiously. But then he saw in Will's face that this had to do with a woman and he really didn't want to know the details. "As you wish, Captain Riker. After this last daring adventure, it's the least I could do for you." With that the Admiral faded out and Will leaned back in his chair grinning like a schoolboy. "I'm coming home, Imzadi" he said as he could almost feel the warmth of her presence.

Unbeknownst to Captain Riker, the refitting and repair of his spaceship, the Aerhart, took an entire month to complete. He wasn't within range to contact Deanna and he was going crazy. "God Will, would you settle down?" his first officer had said to him one night over dinner. Will snapped out of his thoughts. "What…what did I do Leslie?" She rolled her eyes and pointed to both of his knees shaking furiously up and down under the table and his fingers drumming on the top of it. Will gave her a half-grin. "And besides that" she continued, "I've had several crewmembers mention to me that you'd unnecessarily yelled at them or been curt and abrupt. What's going on Will?" Will thought for a moment of telling her, then thought better of it. "I'm just anxious to get going" he said. "Surely you can understand that". Leslie nodded and smiled. "Why don't you join me for a picnic in the holodeck arboretum?" she said as she arched her eyebrows. Will knew she was flirting again, and though he found her adorable, he most certainly wasn't interested now. "No thanks, Les" he replied. "I think I'm just going to turn in early tonight." She tried hard to hide her disappointment as he patted her on the shoulder and rose to leave. One month later they were within range of the Enterprise and Will sat in his quarters nervously scratching his beard over and over. "Come on Riker, you can do this" he said to himself. "It's not like this is some sort of first date or something". His heart was filled with butterflies as he tapped in their special code to the comm. panel, his hand trembling slightly. He swallowed hard and waited for that breathtakingly beautiful face to appear on screen. "This is Counselor Tola, how can I help you sir?" A severe Vulcan face appeared and caught Will completely off guard. Her dark hair was cropped close to her head, her eyebrows thick and her jaw square. "Uh…I, uh….I'm looking for Counselor Deanna Troi. Is she there?" he stammered out. "No sir, she is not" the Vulcan simply stated. Will scratched his beard again, looking at this person on his screen. "This is her quarters, correct?" he asked, thinking for a moment he'd simply punched in the wrong code. "She previously lived here" the Vulcan replied, unemotionally. Will felt it was like pulling teeth to get any information out of this woman. "So where is she now?" he asked, slightly exasperated. "She is no longer on board the Enterprise. I do not have any information other than that". Will's eyebrows shot up as he wanted to yell at this woman and get some answers, but he thought better of it. He decided to call someone else instead. "Thank you" he said to Counselor Tola as he ended the communication.

"What do you mean she's not there?!" Will barked into the comm link he was on with Beverly Crusher. "Will, calm…" but before she could finish Will yelled over her. "Don't tell me to calm down! I get permission from the Admiral to make a special detour on our next mission because I realize I can't live without Deanna for one more minute, then I have to wait an entire month while our ship is repaired and refitted, then I'm finally within range to call her on our special link and I see a strange face staring at me! Then all I'm told is Counselor Troi has left the ship, and there is no more information. So I want to know NOW Beverly, where is DEANNA?!" Will's voice was low and threatening, and Beverly sighed and sat back in her chair. She didn't want to betray her friend's confidence, but she also could see clearly that Will was still so desperately in love with Deanna he would do anything to find her. She'd known it all along. "She's gone to Planet One, Will." Beverly said softly. "Planet what? What the hell is Planet One?" Will was still angry and agitated. "Will" Beverly tried to sound as soothing as possible "calm down and let me explain". That seemed to settle him a bit so he sat back in his chair staring at her, eager to hear what she had to say. Beverly explained everything Deanna had told her, about the newness of the project and the simplicity of life there. "Beverly, why? I don't understand?" Will asked, completely baffled as to why Deanna would leave her post as ship's counselor. After a slight hesitation, Beverly simply stated "Because of you". Will's face betrayed the stab that went through his heart at her answer. "She hates me that much?" he said sadly. "No, she loves you that much" Beverly replied. "She wasn't handling it well at all after you left, and felt she needed a break and a fresh start. She was hurting pretty badly, Will." Will looked at the ground. "I know" he said softly. A few moments of silence passed between them, Will looked eagerly at Beverly. "How do I get there? How do I contact her? I have to tell her I'm still in love with her before it's too late". Beverly's heart broke at his eagerness and optimism. She knew her next statement was not going to be easy to say and was going to be received badly. She braced herself. "Will, Deanna is out of contact for the next two years. It's part of the program. There are no computers and no way to get ahold of her. You can't even go down to the planet unless you've been accepted into the program. And to do that, you'd have to resign your Captainship." Will's eyes grew wide. Beverly saw first a look of disbelief, then panic, then anger. "She went to a place where no one can get ahold of her for two years? What the hell, Bev?!" he questioned, perplexed. "She was a very broken woman" Beverly replied. Will sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I can't wait two years, Bev. I've waited too long already. God only knows what direction her life might take down there." Beverly's heart broke at Will's predicament. He was beside himself with grief. After all they'd been through and now he was ready and his imzadi was nowhere in sight. "My heart goes out to you Will, but I don't think you have a choice. I'm not aware of any option, unless it was some sort of emergency, but even then they would probably only take a message from her mother. "Luwaxana" he thought. "Maybe she can help me". "Alright. Thanks for telling me, Bev. I appreciate it. Our next mission is on Betazed so maybe Luwaxana will help me" he said, harboring a slight hope. He then looked sheepishly up at his friend. "It's alright Will. I understand" Beverly said as she gave him her signature smile indicating everything was OK between them. "Keep me posted. Crusher out." With that the screen went blank and Will relaxed back into his chair. "Two years" he thought. "My god."

A week later the Enterprise docked at the station on Betazed as Will gave out his orders. It was shore leave for everyone except he, Leslie, and Lt. Mahar. They would be looking after the talks between the Betazed delegation and the Tholorians. Will would most likely play mediator on some occasions. The crew began to disembark chatting wildly about this planet none of them had been to before, its beauty and serenity. "Be careful, they can read your mind, you know" Captain Rola said to Lt. Tukaro. "As well as I can read theirs" the Lt. replied. "But not without that finger thingy you do on their face, right?" Rola countered. Lt. Tukaro just gave him a look of annoyance as they continued on their way. Lt. Mahar exited and hailed a shuttle to the embassy where they would all be staying, with Will and Leslie close behind. "I've never been here before, Captain. It's quite lovely." "Yes it is" Will replied as he thought back to the wonderful night he'd shared with Deanna by the Janaran Falls. "It's one of the most beautiful places in the galaxy. I think you'll find it to your liking." They all inhaled the fresh Betazed air and on their walk to the shuttle Will was glancing around to see if he could spot a muktok flower. "What are you looking for?" Leslie asked him as Lt. Mahar turned around. "This!" Will exclaimed as he knelt down and picked a flower that he had spotted. He handed it to Leslie. She looked at it and smelled it and said "Nice." But then he grinned. "Shake it" he said. Leslie did as she was told and it jingled like a thousand tiny bells in her ear. "Oooooo" she said as her eyes lit up. "That is so amazing!" Lt. Mahar walked up. "Let me try" he said in his gruff Klingon voice. Leslie handed him the flower and he shook it. With as much of a smile as a Klingon can have he handed it back to Will. "Nice" he said. Will and Leslie laughed as Will tucked the flower inside his pocket. All three boarded the shuttle and headed off to their destination.

Will and Leslie's room were next to each other and Mahar was across the hall. As they settled in Will stopped in to each of their rooms for instructions. "Let's meet for dinner tonight in the common dining hall, then tomorrow at 0800 hours we'll have our first meeting at the Embassy of the First House located in the middle of Rixx. If I don't see you, just tell the shuttle pilot to drop you off there." "Very well" Mahar replied. "Where are you going?" Leslie asked. "Just some business I have to take care of" Will replied as he closed his door and turned to go.

"Pilot, please drop me off at the home of Ambassador Troi" he said as he settled into the seat. It was about a 20 minute ride from the Starfleet embassy into the capital city of Rixx where Luwaxana lived. Will thought of how he would approach this. He didn't know how Luwaxana felt about him at this point. Hell, he didn't even know if Luwaxana would know Deanna had left and now resided on a newly terra-formed planet. But by god, he was going to get her help, whether she liked it or not.

"William! So good to see you! What brings you here?" Luwaxana said loudly as she approached the door where Mr. Homm had just allowed Captain Riker entrance. Will stepped inside and gave Luwaxana a kiss on each cheek. "Come now, Mrs. Troi, surely you know why I'm here" he smirked. "Yes, well, your thoughts did seem to project themselves quite strongly as soon as you arrived on our planet. You really should learn to shield better, William" Luwaxana said as she waved her arms and gestured for him to follow her into the living area and have a seat. When he sat down she told Mr. Homm to bring them some tea, then stared at Will intently. He knew she was reading his mind again and made no effort to block her. After a few moments of silence he spoke. "So you see, Mrs. Troi, I love your daughter very much and want to bring her home." Luwaxna tilted her head back and laughed. "My dear William, what make you think she wants to be "brought" home?" Will's brow crinkled in disdain as he looked at the floor, thinking about that for a moment. Then he looked up at Luwaxana like a pitiful puppy. "Doesn't she still love me?" he asked. Luwaxana's face softened as she said "Yes,William, she does. She won't admit that, of course, but it's not something she can hide from me very well." "Well then, what's the problem?" he asked. Luwaxana sat back and sighed. "William, you hurt her very deeply. And yes, I realize that's after she hurt you by choosing Worf but she felt you left her no option. The two of you just seem to have the darndest time getting together" she said in exasperation. "Well, I'm hoping to remedy that now, once and for all" Will said. "Can you get me in contact with her?" "No, William, I cannot." She replied. "Why not?" Will asked, a little more gruffly than he'd intended to. "Because, as you know, Planet One doesn't allow any contact for two years after the new citizen has arrived." Will ran his fingers through his hair. "But you have pull, don't you? As an ambassador of Betazed can't you overrule their rules?" Luwaxana stood and walked over to Will and put her hand on his shoulder. "William, even I don't have that kind of power. I'm so sorry. I can see how much you want to be with my daughter. And god help her, she wants to be with you too." Will sighed heavily and dropped his face into his hands. He would have to wait two years for Deanna. And would she still have him then? She may have found someone else by that time. She wasn't aware he had changed his mind and so desperately wanted to be with her. Luwaxana looked down at the pitiful sight of a pining away Captain Riker and cleared her throat. "Hmm, William? Maybe there is a way" she said with a sneaky grin on her face. "It's bugged me that I haven't heard from Deanna since she arrived, I mean in here" she said, pointing to her head. "Maybe I could pull a few strings at starfleet and have you at least get your ship in orbit around the planet for a legitimate reason. Maybe you could reach her telepathically then." Will perked up immediately and arched his eyebrow. "You're a good woman, Mrs. Troi." he grinned as he accepted a cup of tea from Mr. Homm and sat back to talk to Luwaxana about the upcoming meetings.

Fran and Shandy had been sitting on Shandy's front porch sharing a cup of likio juice and chatting. They heard the door opening to Deanna's home next door and both looked over to see a disheveled woman walking tentatively out to her garden. She was hunched over and her hair was missing patches in several spots. "Oh god" Shandy whispered to Fran. "Isn't there some way we can help her?" Fran's face fell as tears came to her eyes. "You know if we try to interfere, they'll kill us. Especially Tuk Torman. He's second in command and would have no qualms about shooting us dead right here, right now." "But can't we at least socialize with her? We're supposed to be allowed to do that, right?" Fran nodded hesitantly and said "well, I for one am going to at least do that. Perhaps we can offer her comfort and encouragement." Fran yelled out to Deanna for her to come over. At first Deanna ignored her, or didn't hear her. Then when Fran yelled again she looked up, confused and disoriented. Then she slowly made her way over. As she drew close, Fran and Shandy could see that she had a black eye. "Oh god" Shandy said as she rose and walked over to Deanna, took her hand, and led her up onto the porch. Deanna sat down in a chair next to them, staring off into space. "It's getting worse, isn't it love?" Fran said as she touched Deanna's arm. Deanna flinched as she glared at Fran for a moment, then blinked. "Fran?" she said, as if she'd suddenly just realized where she was. "Yes dear, it's me" Fran said as she tried again and placed her hand on Deanna's arm. Deanna sighed as she looked at the juice in their hands. "Thirsty" she whispered as Fran instantly handed her glass to Deanna and Shandy got up to go get Fran another one. Deanna gulped it down immediately. When Shandy came out and saw the empty glass, she handed the second one to Deanna instead of Fran. "What, the old bastard isn't even letting you drink anything? Damn him!" Deanna managed a soft chuckled after she finished her second drink. "He allows me two glasses of water per day, but with all my work in the garden, I'm still so thirsty." "He's the devil himself, isn't he?" Shandy spat out, uncharacteristic of her normally gentle temperament. "Yes he is" Deanna said as she sat back in her chair. "But I won't let him break me. I'm going to find a way to get off this hell-hole of a planet" she said. "Deanna" Fran said to her. "When you first came over here it looked like you were zoned out. Like you didn't even know who we were." Deanna's face grew sad. "Sometimes I find myself blanking out. I can't tell if it's because he's hit me so hard so many times that there's been damage, or if it's my mind shielding to try and protect itself." Tears began to run down Shandy's face. "Deanna, there must be something we can do!" she pleaded. "No!" Deanna yelled. "I won't allow you to get yourselves killed over my predicament. I'll handle it." Fran touched Deanna's head where the bald spots were. "It doesn't look like you're handling it, my love." Deanna's head bowed in shame as she touched her hair. "But I have a plan" she whispered. "Do tell" Shandy leaned in close so she could hear. Deanna looked up and began to explain how she had been making Tuk his favorite lunch and delivering it every day to the headquarters. Often he was in a meeting and she had to wait, so she would talk to the transporter chief and was making a fast friend. She was quite aware of how to use a transporter, but she didn't have the codes for the one they used. Her plan was to eventually get the chief to tell her what they were, or at some point when he was distracted, try to retrieve them herself. Then it was just a matter of waiting until one of the supply ships came and she would find a way to leave her home and sneak in at night and transport herself onto the ship. "But what makes you think they will grant you asylum? Don't you think any supply ship will be in on the deception?" Shandy asked. "Well, that's a chance I'll have to take" Deanna replied. "Surely I could find someone who would be merciful. And then, when I'm rescued, I'll go to the Federation and tell them everything, and make sure you two will be next in line for rescue". Fran and Shandy both smiled at what they felt was Deanna's delusion. She would never get off this planet, they knew that. But they allowed her any fantasy she needed to survive. They both hoped and prayed Tuk would somehow die, so Deanna would have reprieve. As they continued to socialize and even find some things to laugh about, Commander Torman arrived at home. He looked over to see Deanna on the porch with Fran and Shandy, and rage overtook him as he marched over there. All three women gasped as he walked up to Deanna. "What are you doing over here, Deanna? I thought I told you no socializing!" he growled. Fran and Shandy both said "She's allowed to socialize Commander! It's in the rules!" "Don't tell me about rules, ladies. I make them!" he barked as he grabbed Deanna by the hair and yanked her off the porch, pulling her all the way across the yard as she clawed frantically at his hands trying to get him to let go. Fran and Shandy's hearts beat hard inside their chests as they heard the door slam, heard a loud thud, and heard Deanna scream. Shandy buried her head on Fran's shoulders as they both began to cry, and ran into the house to be shielded from the sounds. "Damn bastard!" Fran muttered before she closed the door.

Tuk unleashed his rage at his lack of control of Deanna onto her as she crouched on the floor, trying to shield herself with her hands. He beat his fists into her over and over again and kicked her. Then he knelt down, grabbed her head and slammed it onto the floor over and over again. Deanna bit and kicked and screamed, she never went willingly. She had to try and keep some semblance of her own power. But this beating was the worst yet, one of beatings that were now happening almost nightly. After the third slam of her head on the floor, Deanna passed out. When she awoke, she was in their bed, naked, and could still feel the repulsiveness of his hands on her body. Tuk had rolled over and gone to sleep after satisfying himself. Her head was in blazing unbearable pain and for a short while, she couldn't remember who she was or why she was there. She mercifully fell asleep, and when she awoke in the morning Tuk was gone and her memories from the night before came back. Tears streamed down her face as she began to sob, memories of Will seeping into her mind but bringing her small comfort. "_Imzadi_" she whispered and she choked out sobs of pain and anguish. How had her life come to this? Her imzadi had left her, off to follow his career again, and here she was, desperate for his healing touch, desperate for his love.

Deanna didn't know how long she'd been laying there crying, but eventually she arose with a new and stronger determination. She cleaned herself up a little, using makeup to hide the bruises and scars. She didn't care much about her appearance these days, but she still felt shame about being beaten by her "husband". She went into the kitchen and decided to make a meal that Tuk had been asking for for a long time. She'd deliberately avoided it, not wanting to please him in any way. But today she was going to hit her mark, and by god she would not leave the headquarters building without the transporter code, if her life depended on it. She was getting out of here.

"Good morning, Chief" Deanna said warmly as she gave him her most charming smile. Despite her disheveled and matted appearance, the transporter chief still found Deanna attractive and was moved to always be helpful to her. The week before when she had sat waiting for her husband, she had innocently and doe-eyed asked him to explain transporters to her and how they worked, and he'd found it charming. She sat on the bench and sighed, placing the basket of food beside her as she eyed the empty desk in the corner. "I see my husband is out again" she said. "Commander Torman is at a meeting on the other side of town. Can I help you with anything?" the chief asked. Deanna glanced around the office empty of everyone else, save her and the chief. "No, I think I'll just wait for him. But I'd love it if you could keep me company" she said, tilting her head sweetly. The chief grinned. "Of course, Deanna" he replied, and they sat for awhile talking about anything and everything. Then, someone in a military uniform entered the office and spoke to the chief. "I need to beam to the passing shuttle right away. Admiral's orders." Then the officer looked at Deanna and smiled slightly. "Transport to one of our supply headquarters" he said as way of explanation to the civilian. Deanna smiled back. "Chief, would you mind if I watched how you transport someone? You have made this so interesting to me, I'd love to see it up close." The chief turned to the officer and they chuckled at each other at the ridiculous innocence of this woman. "Of course Deanna" the chief said. "But not too close, you know I can't show you the codes." "I completely understand" she replied softly as she stood and walked over to where the chief was at the console while the officer stepped onto the transporter pad. She stood far enough away to not see what he was punching in, but she strained her mind that had been so beaten down, so damaged, so aching, to try and read him as he thought the numbers that he was punching in. In this close proximity, she thought she just might be able to do it. It took all her effort, all her strength, but she began to hear his automatic thoughts. "Alpha….beta….seven….three…." as he punched the code into his console. Within moments the officer disappeared in a shimmer of light and Deanna stepped back, repeating what she had heard over and over to herself so she wouldn't forget. "Thank you, you're such a good friend" Deanna said as she placed her hand on the chief's arm. He grinned widely at her. "I'm glad it's so interesting to you" he replied. Deanna went and grabbed the basket off the bench and handed it to him. "I really do need to go. Could you give this to Commander Torman when he returns? It's his favorite. And I made some extra for you too." With that she turned and left quickly, running all the way home, repeating the code over and over in her mind. As soon as she arrived she grabbed the nearest pen and piece of paper and wrote it down, tucking it into her belongings where no one could find it. "Now I just have to wait for a ship" she thought, with the most hope in her heart that she had felt in a long time. Back at headquarters Tuk had returned and the chief handed him the basket. "She said it was your favorite and she said she made extra for me". Tuk eyed the Chief and raised his eyebrows. "You have a crush on my wife?" he asked suspiciously. "Oh no, no sir. She is obviously in love with you, bringing you lunch every day." The chief replied nervously. "Mmm-hmm" Tuk said as he quickly opened the basket to find his favorite meal. "That beating last night might have finally made her realize her place" he thought as he reached in to pull out his favorite food that he'd been waiting for for a long time. "I suppose I could share some with you" he said snidely as he handed a slice to the chief. That night Tuk was appeased enough that he didn't have a need to take anything out on Deanna. She sat in the corner all night reading, saying nothing to him. He looked at her a couple times as he worked on his pad, finding it strange that she seemed so calm and content. He could almost always feel her anxiety around him. "Deanna, I'm going to bed" he said finally as he rose to head towards the bedroom. He looked at her one last time, but she barely looked up to even acknowledge him. He simply turned and walked out of the room. He had no need for a loving connection with her, as long as he felt like he was in control, as long she occasionally satisfied him. Deanna waited until he walked out of the room, then blew out a breath of air. She could hardly contain her excitement that she was finally going to be rid of him. She continued everyday bringing lunch to him, listening in on conversations, hoping for a clue as to when the next ship would arrive. Finally, hope came. She overheard the chief telling another member of the staff that the following evening a ship would arrive bringing a top-secret supply of medicines for the Federation officers stationed on the planet. Up until that time they'd been using outdated medicines in keeping with the "purity" of the planet and were not allowed anything else. But the officers had demanded better, and a ship passing by that no one would suspect would transport them down, and no one would ever know. The Admiral had arranged it all with the least likely of allies. The next day Deanna was so excited that she ran over to see Fran and Shandy who were having their daily drink together on Shandy's porch. Deanna was breathless as she walked up to them. Fran looked around in a panic. "Don't let that man see you over here" she warned in a low voice. "He's on the other side of the city in an important meeting" Deanna said. "Don't worry about him. But I have some news for you. I'm leaving here tonight! TONIGHT!" Both of their eyes grew wide as they urged Deanna to continue and she explained everything to them. Her hope was contagious, and soon they were hoping too. Fran would want her husband to be rescued with her, but Shandy reveled at the thought of leaving her abusive husband behind. Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, Admiral Hodge had just publically reprimanded Commander Tuk for an error he had made earlier in the day. Tuk lost his temper and began to rant at the Admiral, who then abruptly dismissed him from the meeting. Tuk had felt humiliated, and took one of his personal shuttles home. He was already raging by the time he arrived and stepped out of the shuttle. Just before he entered the door of his home, he heard laughter and glanced over to see Deanna and her two neighbors talking and having an enjoyable time together. Tuk Torman exploded. His rage overtook his body and any rational thought that he could have ever had left. He ran over to Shandy's porch and grabbed Deanna roughly, dragging her by her arm over to their home. He was yelling as if he was drunk about how he'd warned her over and over again not to socialize with the neighbors and as he dragged her across the ground the skin on her legs began to burn against the rough ground and tear and bleed. Fran and Shandy were screaming at Tuk and Deanna was crying out in agony. Tuk dragged her though the door and slammed it shut. Fran and Shandy heard horrible nosies and screams they could no longer bear and went inside Shandy's home. "I'm afraid he'd going to kill her!" Shandy cried. "What do we do?" "We pray, dear, we pray" Fran said as they both huddled together, trembling.

The talks on Betazed had been going well. As far as Will could tell, they did not need his crew's protection or mediation. After the final meeting, when Betazed would be going into private council to decide on their report to Starfleet as to whether the Tholorians should be allowed to join Starfleet, Luwaxana pulled Will aside. "William" she said in a low voice, glancing around to be sure they would not be overheard. She then explained to him that she used her Starfleet contacts to talk directly to Admiral Hodge on Planet One, through a secret comm. channel that she had heard he was looking for some modern medical supplies and equipment on the sly, and that she knew the perfect ship to deliver them. She had refrained herself from asking about Deanna, they could not see each other so the Admiral had no idea who she was, only that it was recommended by his contacts in Starfleet. "You're to leave tomorrow night, William. Go. Go talk to her, reach her mind. Tell her how you feel. Tell her to come home. Bring my baby home, William." Just then, someone else came into the room and Luwaxana quickly left to the private council. Will was almost giddy with delight. Would this nightmare finally be over? He took a shuttle back to his room at the embassy and made a contact with the person Luwaxana had told him about to pick up the supplies and for the coordinates at Planet One. The planet was close, but he would need to leave right away to make it on time. He'd need one first officer and one klingon to come with him. "Where are we going?" Leslie had said as she beamed aboard the Aerhart with Lt. Mahar per Will's orders. Will had beamed up just before them. "It's just a quick trip to deliver some supplies to a nearby planet" he replied. "Then we'll return, pick up the rest of the crew, and be on our way." "We couldn't take a shuttle?" she asked, disbelieving. "It's a secret mission" Will had said. "We need to look like we're just a normal federation starship passing by." "Ooooo a secret mission" Leslie arched her eyebrows as Lt. Mahar stood taller. "My kind of mission" he said. "So, tell us all about it, Captain" Leslie grinned. "Can't" Will replied. "Told you, it's secret". Leslie pouted but Mahar said "I like that even better. Flying blind." Will grinned at his security chief's use of words and said "Let's get to the bridge and take our stations. We have a twelve hour trip ahead of us." With that the Aerhart was on its way and Will hoped his ability to contact Deanna telepathically was still intact. He had high hopes of beaming her aboard the ship that night and bringing her back with him. He wondered what his two officers would think of that.

"We're going to get ourselves killed!" Shandy whispered in a low voice to Fran as they unlocked the front door with the key Deanna had given them. "Shhhh" Fran warned as they quietly stepped inside. When they had heard the beating stop and saw Tuk leave, probably heading for one of the bars, they decided that they would come and get Deanna and that they personally would see to it that she was beamed aboard the passing ship at the time she had said it should be there making its delivery. "No one should ever have to go through what she's going through" Fran said. "I'm willing to get myself killed to save her". When they walked into the living room, their hearts broke at what they saw. Tuk had left Deanna there on the floor, crumpled, incoherent, and severely beaten and bloody, like a crumpled piece of trash. The anger rose in Fran's body, if Tuk had been there she would have killed him with her bare hands. "Damn that bastard" she said out loud as she and Shandy knelt down beside Deanna. "Deanna? Dear? We've come to take you to headquarters. We're going to get you transported out of here" Fran said. Deanna mumbled something incoherently but then Shandy saw her tightly grasping something in her hand. She slowly opened her fingers and found a key and a crushed piece of paper. "This might be what we need" she whispered excitedly to Fran who took the key and the paper with some sort of code on it. "A key to get into the building and the code to the transporter" Fran said, nodding her head in relief. "Thank god". They helped Deanna slowly to her feet but she could barely walk, her body black and blue with bruises. Blood was trickling from her mouth where Tuk had given her a fat and swollen lip. They hailed the Second-in-command's shuttle and explained to the pilot that Deanna had been hurt and they needed to get to headquarters where her husband was working late. The senior officer's pilots were trained to never ask questions, so he did as he was told. He dropped them off, and told them to hail him again if they needed him. They told him to return to Deanna's home, where Commander Tuk would want him stationed. Then they took the key and opened the door quietly to headquarters, where the only person there was the Transporter Chief, who was awaiting the beam-down of the medical supplies. "What in god's name…" he began to exclaim as he saw Deanna. He ran over to help, but just as he got there Fran shot something into his arm with a hypodermic needle and he fell into a heap on the floor. "Sorry love, had to." she replied as she threw the needle on the floor. "Where'd you get that?" Shandy asked. "Deanna gave it to me once when I had a terrible headache. One of the perks of being married to the second in command" she said. "I hear that shipment" she said, nodding towards the array of containers sitting beside the pad that must have just arrived, " is supposed to be giving us a lot more of these" she winked at Shandy. They then helped Deanna over to the transporter pad before she passed out. She was having trouble breathing, and they hoped to god this ship, whatever it was, had a doctor and medical supplies on board. Otherwise, they weren't sure Deanna would make it. "God speed, my love" Fran said as she walked over to the console and punched in the codes. They both stood, holding their breath, hoping it would work, hoping the ship they could tell was still in orbit had not made an immediate exit. Then, a small white beam appeared, and took their friend away.

"That's the last of it" Will grunted as he placed the final container on the transporter pad. He and Leslie and Mahar had been carrying the boxes from the storage area where they had been placed. "Final containers to beam down, chief" Riker said through the comm. as the transporter beam took the boxes away. Will walked over and leaned against the wall. He knew the chief would want to inspect the boxes thoroughly. As Will stood there, breathless, he began to concentrate on his imzadi. He knew he'd be able to contact her and tell her how much he loved her and wanted her with him. He was so close….so close. He closed his eyes and focused. He focused hard. Then he shifted positions, cleared his mind, and tried again. All he felt was nothingness. For a moment he feared she was dead, or had left the planet somehow. He tried again, focusing all his energy, all his desire, all his love for her. "_Imzadi_" he breathed as he mind-sent with all his might. But he could not find her. He could not find her mind. It was not there. "Damn!" he thought as the chief reported back "Everything looks good, Captain. Safe journey." It was all Will could do to not ask this chief if he knew of his Deanna, the dark-haired beauty that he had been left behind. If she was on the planet, he was sure that every man knew about it. But he felt he couldn't give any reason for suspicion as he was not supposed to be making these deliveries anyway. "Damn!" he muttered again as he left the transporter room and headed for the bridge, totally disheartened. Leslie looked at Mahar and raised her eyebrow. "Wonder what got into him?" she said as Mahar grunted in acknowledgment. "I suppose we should join him on the bridge, but in a mood like that I'm not sure I want to." "He is a formidable warrior" Mahar agreed. Suddenly, the ship lurched forward and they felt Will getting ready to head away from the planet at warp speed. He was definitely upset about something.

Will was frustrated, devastated, angry. How could she not be there? He wasn't that rusty that he couldn't contact her at this close distance. How would he find her? Maybe Luwaxana could contact the Admiral again and simply come out and ask where her daughter was. Surely they would allow a mother that much information. Will grunted as he reached forward to punch in the codes to send the ship traveling at warp 9. "Anything to get away from here" Will thought, frustrated. But just before he punched the final number he heard a panicked voice on his comm. It was Leslie. "Sir, you're needed in the transporter room right away. You need to come and see this."

Will walked quickly, wondering what the emergency was. He entered the doorway of the transporter room and saw Lt. Mahar with his phaser drawn and pointed towards a crumpled heap on the pad. It was a humanoid, with dark matted hair, torn clothing, and blood and bruises all over its body. Will couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman, its back was facing them. "My god, what's this?" he asked. "We don't know sir" Leslie responded. "He…she…it just materialized on our pad soon after you left. There's been no communication, and we can't rouse anyone down at the station. The Lieutenant suggested we wait for you, in case it was some sort of trick. Will rolled his eyes. "You could've helped it" he said, but he knew that Leslie was following protocol in such situations. Will slowly approached the body and heard a soft moan. He touched the person on its back and then gently reached its shoulder. "Who are you? Are you alright?" he asked as he gently turned the person over and pushed the hair out of its face while Lt. Mahar continued to hold the phaser. Then Leslie and Mahar both heard a voice from their Captain that they'd never heard before. One of fear, astonishment, panic, and anger all at the same time. "Oh my god" was all he said.

The woman facing Will groaned again and slowly opened the one eye that wasn't swollen shut. She saw a hand come towards her face and she flinched and pulled away. "Deanna" his voice whispered. "_Imzadi_, what have they done to you?" This man clearly was upset about her condition, she could see it in his eyes. But she knew how the men on her planet were. Concern one minute, beating you the next. "Imzadi, please" he pleaded with her to talk to him as he reached again to stroke her hair. But Deanna jumped up off the pad and backed away yelling "Get your hands off me you filthy bastard! Kill me if you must, but you're never touching me again!" Will looked perplexed and horrified. "Imzadi" he whispered again, holding out his hand to her. "It's me, Will". "I don't know who you are" she said through gritted teeth "but I swear I'll kill you if you lay one hand on me!"

Will began to shake with both fear and rage. Someone had done something to his beloved, beaten her, tortured her, hell he didn't know. But she was so damaged she couldn't even recognize who he was. "Lt. get us out of here, now!" he barked at Mahar as Mahar nodded and turned to go to the bridge. Will knew that whatever happened down there, he needed to get Deanna to a safe place and then find out what was going on, what had happened. Leslie walked up and crouched down beside him. "You know her?" she asked. "Yes I do" Will said, somberly. Then he thought of something. Perhaps if he could mind-send to her, she'd remember who he was. Unbeknownst to Will, now that Deanna was outside of the telepathic forcefield, she'd be able to hear him completely. Will closed his eyes and with all the love and hurt in his heart he sent to her "_imzadi_". Deanna gasped as her eyes went wide and she backed against the wall. She put her hands to both sides of her head and screamed. "No! Get out of my mind!" Leslie looked at Will wondering what was going on. Will sat back and sighed. "Leslie, see if she'll respond to you. We need to get her to sickbay and hope that between the two of us we have enough medical knowledge to help her until we get back to Betazed." Leslie walked up to Deanna, speaking to her in gentle tones, urging her to lean on her for support so she could walk her to sickbay. "We can help you" she said, completely oblivious to the fact that the love of her Captain's life was responding to her. Deanna nodded vaguely and then collapsed into Leslie's arms, as Leslie was able to pick her up and carry her to sickbay.

Will followed closely behind, watching Deanna's every move, studying her body. One arm seemed to have been broken and healed at an odd angle. The clothing on her back was torn and he could see deep black bruises and several cuts where the blood had long since dried. She didn't look like his Deanna. Her hair was so matted and torn out in places that he wouldn't have recognized her without seeing her face. Will was perplexed and furious at whoever had done this to her. "Someone will pay for this" he thought to himself. Deanna had apparently heard his thought, as she slowly turned her head and stared at him through the hair hanging in her eyes as Leslie continued to move her forward. Will tried to offer her a half-smile, but she only sneered and turned her head back around. When they entered sickbay Leslie carried Deanna towards one of the biobeds and lay her down. "Leslie, you're going to have to take care of her" Will muttered. "She won't let me near her." "I think it's because you are a man" Leslie replied. "I think it was a man…or men…that did this to her." Leslie's heart broke at the thought. She wondered how the Captain knew this woman and what their relationship was. She knew he must be hurting too. She took the med supplies out of the cabinet and began to run a tricorder over Deanna. Deanna closed her eyes, feeling reasonably safe with this woman but leery of the man in the corner. She still didn't realize she was no longer on Planet One. After Leslie closed the tricorder Will called her over. "Report?" he asked. Leslie looked to the ground and spoke softly. "She has several broken bones and many contusions. One of her cuts looks to be infected. But I believe I can get everything healed except the mis-aligned bones, that will take surgery." Will nodded, then looked pleadingly into Leslie's eyes. She had never seen him so desperate. "Leslie, was she…." He couldn't finish the sentence. Leslie understood. "No Will, she wasn't raped" she said as she saw the look of relief and such tender love come over her Captain's face. "This woman must be really special to him" she thought. She returned to where Deanna was lying. "This will just take a minute" she said softly as she ran the regenerator slowly over Deanna's body to heal the cuts and bruises. "Thirsty" Deanna said, barely audible after Leslie had finished. She looked to Will who ran to the replicator to get a glass of water, then handed it to Leslie. "Here you are" she said, handing her the glass. Deanna looked at the glass and then looked at Will, suspicion in her eyes. Leslie chuckled. "He's really harmless. Except if you ask him to play the trombone, then you can't get rid of him." Deanna looked back to Leslie but not before noticing Will grin. Then she drank the water down in one gulp. "I'm Leslie. What's your name?" the Lieutenant said, touching Deanna softly on the arm. "Deanna" she said, staring again at Will, wondering if she could trust him. "This is Captain Riker" Leslie motioned to Will who stood where he was and smiled at Deanna. "You're with Starfleet" Deanna said. Will simply nodded. "Are you here to rescue me or imprison me again?" Will took one step forward but Deanna blanched so he stopped. "I'm here to rescue you" he said. "In fact, you've already been rescued. You are no longer on Planet One. You are on the starship Aerhart."

Deanna visibly sighed as her shoulders slumped in relief. Could it be true? Had she been rescued? Or was this all some elaborate trick, an experiment perhaps? The last thing she remembered was being beaten within an inch of her life by her husband Tuk. She shuddered at the memory. "Let us help you, Deanna. I can take you to our guest quarters where you will have a warm soft bed. You are safe here. We will be taking you to the planet Betazed where you can receive more extensive medical care." At the name of the planet Deanna's eyes lit up. "I remember Betazed. I think I know that place." "You grew up there" Will offered. But Deanna tilted her head and scrunched her eyebrows as if to disagree with him. "I don't remember that" she said. "Are you hungry?" Leslie asked as Deanna nodded yes. "Here, take my arm, I'll help you to your room and we can replicate dinner." Deanna leaned heavily again on Leslie as she walked her to her new quarters and Will followed closely behind. As they entered the room Will pulled Leslie aside. "If she'll let you, why don't you help her get clean and give her some new clothes. See to it all her needs are met. See if you can get her to feel some trust towards me. Leslie nodded as she entered the room. "I'll be on the bridge" Will said as he turned and left. Deanna looked around the room. "This looks sort of familiar" she said. "I think I stayed on a starship before". "Perhaps you have" Leslie said, wishing she could know this woman's story. Leslie got Deanna some fresh clothes, replicating a nice soft lilac-colored dress for her. She showed her the sonic shower and replicated a scrumptious dinner for her. Deanna felt like she was in heaven. "Is it OK if I bathe with real water? It's been awhile" she asked. "Of course" Leslie said. "I've also replicated some things in case you want to do you hair". Deanna self-consciously touched her hair, knowing how awful it must look. She saw a brush, comb scissors, and various hair accessories on the table. She looked up to Leslie and began to cry. Leslie stepped towards her and gently took her in her arms. "It's OK Deanna. Everything's going to be OK. You're safe now." she soothed. Deanna barely choked out the words "Thank you… so much. Oh god, thank… you so… much".

"Status, Lieutenant" Will said as he walked onto the bridge. "We'll be arriving o Betazed in 48 hours, sir" Mahar said as he left the Captain's chair to go to the helm. Will sat down heavily and ran his hand through his hair. He kept seeing Deanna so bruised and beaten down and her hair so matted. The fear in her eyes as she looked at him shattered his heart. Never, ever, in all his years of being in relationship with Deanna had she ever been afraid of him. He knew it wasn't him personally, but it hurt just the same. He just hoped that the doctors on Betazed and her mother would be able to help her regain her memory and heal. He needed them to do that. Desperately. He needed his imzadi back.

It took a couple hours for Deanna to pull herself together. The warm bath had soothed her immensely. She'd soaked for a long time in its lavender scent, allowing herself to relax fully for the first time in months. She looked at her newly healed body, with no reminders of the nightmare she had just come out of save for her arm, but few would notice that. It took a lot of focus to allow herself to believe this all was really happening, that she was really safe. She remembered every little thing that had happened to her down on the planet, she had vague memories of her time before that. But the knowledge of her life was in pieces, so all she could do was concentrate on the here and now. She thought of the handsome Captain she had met. She still did not trust him, regardless of what Leslie had said. He was a man. And she lost her trust in men about four months ago. After she got out of her bath she looked at the hair implements Leslie had left her, and began to work on her hair. It took her a long time to untangle all the mats, and she had to do some cutting to make everything even. But by the time she was done, she saw the woman in the mirror that she used to be. She even managed a small smile. Deanna took in several deep breaths, savoring the feeling of safety. She sat down and ate her meal, then curled up in a chair and picked up a book that was lying on one of the tables. When the chime rang, she somehow knew immediately to say "come" and waited for Leslie to walk in. But when the door slid open, there stood the Captain looking as gallant as ever, asking her with his eyes if he had permission to come in. Deanna sighed and put down the book. "I suppose, but don't come within five feet of me" she said with a warning voice. Will chuckled and walked in, having to will himself to not stare. She looked beautiful again, soft and feminine, her hair curled softly around her shoulders, her dress spilling invitingly just above her knees. He sat in the chair across from the sofa. "Welcome aboard, Deanna" he said. Deanna stared at him, still trying to assess his integrity. "Thank you Captain" she replied. "Can you tell me anything about what happened to you?" Will asked, hesitantly. Deanna visibly shuddered as she looked away from him. "No." she said, simply. Will nodded his understanding, then with a grief-stricken look he said "I'm so sorry, honey". Deanna blanched at his term of endearment but before she could voice her objection he spoke "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you that. It's just…." He couldn't decide how much he should tell her. "You know me" Deanna answered for him. Will nodded. Deanna wasn't sure she wanted to know anymore than that. She looked at the warm soft bed and said "I'm tired". Will looked at the bed and then back to Deanna. "Would you like me to leave?" Deanna thought for a moment. She had a horrible time falling asleep, always wondering if Tuk would assault her again or demand that she satisfy him. She didn't want to go through that again alone, and something about this man made her feel like maybe she could trust him. Did she want to risk it? "Captain, could you stay just until I fall asleep? Sleep doesn't come easily these days." Deanna asked him. Will felt a tug at his heart. "Of course, Deanna. You know you are safe with me. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again." Deanna nodded but her eyes never left him as she walked over to her bed. She crawled in, her lavender dress soft enough to double as a nightgown. "But don't come any closer than where you are" she warned. "I can wake up in a split-second and kick you in a place you don't want to be kicked". Will winced at these words coming out of the mouth of his beloved. "Yes ma'am". He replied. He sat down and picked up the book she had been holding and began reading. "Computer, quarter-lights" Deanna said, not knowing how she knew to do that. A half-hour went by and Will had read through several chapters. He found it utterly adorable that every time he looked over at Deanna she was watching him like a hawk. "See, I haven't tried anything" he would say to her. "Hmmph" was all she would say. Finally, after another half-hour Deanna was asleep. Will stood and quietly walked over to her. He most certainly didn't want to wake her but he couldn't help himself. He bent down slowly and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight Imzadi, sleep tight." he whispered as he rose and turned to go. She stirred momentarily, then fell instantly back to sleep.

"Captain, you have an incoming message, secure channel, your eyes only" Leslie said as soon as Will walked onto the bridge. "In my ready room" he said as he continued walking towards the room. He closed the door and opened the channel. "William?" It was Luwaxana Troi staring back at him. "Mrs. Troi" he said but before he could continue she started yelling at him. "You have to go William! You have to get out of here, go anywhere, anywhere at all but leave immediately!" She was in such a panic with her arms flailing she could barely contain herself. "What channel are you on, Mrs. Troi?" Will asked, confused, but then he saw the small insignia at the bottom. It was Section 31. Will gasped. He had no idea Luwaxana Troi had so many overt and covert connections. "Never mind that, just go! They know you have her William! They're coming after you, both Starfleet and the official protectors of Planet One! You're wanted for abducting a citizen of the planet!" Will saw that she meant business but before he could respond someone else's hand reached over and severed the communication. "Damn!" he thought as he stepped quickly onto the bridge. "Mahar, set coordinates for the furthest edge of Federation Space, away from Betazed and get us out of here now!" Leslie's eyebrows rose but before she could say anything an explosion sounded and rocked the bridge, sending everyone to the floor. "Starfleet ship off the starboard bow, sir, no significant damage!" Mahar yelled. "They just wanted to get our attention" Will thought as he picked himself up and returned to his chair. "We are being hailed sir". Will blew out a puff of air. "On screen Lieutenant" he said reluctantly. The face that came on screen sent shudders down his spine. "Captain Riker" he said brutally "are you holding a citizen of Planet One against her will?" Will thought for a moment and knew he could answer honestly. "No" he said. Captain Jellico eyed him suspiciously. "We scanned your ship, Will. We found her DNA patterns in one of the two women on the ship." Will sat back and ran his fingers through his hair. "Captain Jellico, when she arrived on our ship she was severely beaten, almost to the point of death. I'm not sending her back there until we find out what happened!" Captain Jellico's voice softened a bit. "Will" he said. "I understand your concern. But this is not our issue. Admiral Hodge of the planet has put out an order to get her back under any circumstances. They aren't fooling around, Will. You and your crew are in danger if you don't bring her back." Will looked to the floor then motioned for Mahar to cut communication. "Leslie, you're the most accurate shooter I know. Can you target his weapon and warp systems simultaneously?" Will asked her, knowing Captain Jellico would never guess in a million years Will would fire upon him. Leslie gave Will a warning look, wondering why this woman was worth so much to him that he would make them all Starfleet renegades. "Sir?" she asked. "Look, Truit and Mahar, I will exonerate you both in this situation, you were just following orders. But I need you to do this, now!" Leslie jumped at his tone but quickly went to the weapons station and did as she was told. Within a moment Will heard the torpedoes and yelled at Mahar to again head towards the edge of Federation territory, the most isolated spot. They watched the back viewport as a small explosion rocked the ship behind them, it shuddered, then little by little slowed down to nothing. Will sighed with relief. "Sir" Leslie said, sternly. "Would you care to finally explain what this is all about? If we're going to be space pirates, I'd like to know what this is all about?" It wasn't that Leslie didn't understand Will's reluctance to return to Deanna to the nightmare she'd just come from, but she was sure Starfleet would see to it that Deanna would be OK. "I'm not sure, Leslie" Will replied. "But there is something going on here, I was just contacted on a Section 31 secure channel by someone who shouldn't even be aware that it exists. There's something going on down on that planet that Starfleet knows about, at least someone in Starfleet, and it's not good. And I'm not going to subject Deanna to anymore torture until I find out what's going on." Leslie looked at Mahar who was vehemently nodding his approval. "Space pirates it is" Leslie said as she sank back down into her chair.

Will rose and walked quickly back to Deanna's quarters. He rang the chime once with no response. Then he rang it again, and then a third time. "Computer, override door lock authorization Riker gamma 32". The door slid open and what Will saw broke his heart. His imzadi was curled up in a corner with her face buried in her knees, quietly sobbing and rocking herself back and forth. "Deanna?" he asked as he took a few steps into the room. She kept her face buried but spoke loud enough for him to hear. "They're coming for me, aren't they?" she said as she curled up tighter and began to tremble. Will instinctively ran over to her, knelt down and took her in his arms. "No, imzadi, no. I disabled their ship and we're going to a safe place. You'll be safe, I promise". And with that Deanna Troi turned to William Riker, buried her face in his shoulder and grasped at his uniform, clinging to him tightly. She began to sob more loudly, then agonizing wails came out of her body as she shook violently. "Shhh, it's OK imzadi. I'm here. I'm here now. You're going to be OK." Will waited until the sobs became soft cries, and the soft cries turned into sniffles, then he helped to lift her up and walk her over to the couch. He assumed she would want him to sit in the chair, but she clung to him as if her life depended on it so he kept his arms tightly around her, and sat her in his lap as she buried her face in his chest. "Shhh, imzadi" he repeated over and over again. After another short while her crying stopped and her breathing became regular. They sat that way for what seemed an eternity, Will savoring the feel of her on his lap, her soft body, smelling her soft hair. He held her tightly. Deanna realized that he had a familiar scent. She had been in his arms before. As if suddenly realizing where she was, she jumped up off his lap and backed away, her eyes wide. "It's OK Deanna" Will said softly as he motioned for her to sit in the chair. Slowly, she took the seat and kept staring at him. "I know you" she said. "Yes, you do" he smiled and nodded. "Are you ready to hear about it yet?" he asked. Deanna thought for a moment. "Maybe. Not too much detail". So Will shared with her their story, all of it except for the part that he was still in love with her and had come to find her to ask her to marry him. "So we parted as friends?" she asked. "Yes we did. You are my friend. My best friend." Deanna seemed to not mind this too much. "I'm sorry I don't remember you" she said, sadly. "It's understandable, with all you've been through" he said. "Are you ready to share anything with me?" Deanna thought for a moment more, then nodded her head yes. She shared her story with him, about how she had arrived on the planet and found out within weeks what was really going on there and how she had been bonded to Tuk and what she had told him about the Betazed virus to not have to sleep with him. "That's my girl" Will thought to himself. Then she shared about the beatings and her plan for escape. "I don't remember actually escaping" she said. "Tuk had beaten me so badly the last night that I passed out". Will winced at the thought of Deanna having to endure that. "Well, I'm sure glad you ended up on my ship" he said to her. "I had come looking for you". "Why?" she asked, innocently. Will knew he needed to make up a story quick. He didn't think Deanna was in any condition to know they still loved each other. "I just wanted to check on my friend and her new adventure" he said as he smiled. Deanna smiled back. "You're a good friend" she said. "And don't you forget it the next time you ask me to play night bird" Will teased her. She tilted her head not knowing what he was talking about, but he simply winked at her and gave her his famous Riker grin.

The Aerhart spent several weeks on the edge of Federation territory. It was a place not near any planet nor starbase, no one would ever come looking for them here. Deanna began to warm up to Will and they were starting the very beginnings of a friendship. Deanna and Leslie were also fast becoming friends and when Leslie asked her about Will, Deanna shared that they had been close friends, though Leslie suspected there had been more. She wondered if Deanna was the woman that had stolen Will's heart. Deanna related somewhat hesitantly to Mahar, and Will didn't have the heart to tell her that she had actually dated a Klingon once. One night over supper as Deanna was sharing her story with Leslie and Mahar, she mentioned the planet's headquarters. "Wait" Will said. "You were at Planet One headquarters? Did you see who was in charge of that whole operation?" "Yes" Deanna said. "Admiral Hodge." Will's eyes went wide. "Did he know what was going on there?" "Yes" Deanna said. "He's the one that made sure I was bonded to Cmdr. Torman." Will slammed his fist down on the table. Admiral Hodge, one of the most respected Admirals in Starfleet was in on this sham? Who else? He wondered. How were they getting away with this? Deanna turned white as a sheet when she saw Will's fist hit the table and she quickly scooted her chair back, her hand holding her heart. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry" Will quickly said. "It's just that I can't understand how Hodge has gotten away with this. How many more women beaten and killed? And that he let Torman do that to you? I swear I'd kill him if I had the chance…" Leslie's head snapped up as she looked at Will. She'd never heard him speak so unprofessionally before. The four of them continued to sit and discuss their situation and how to remedy it. They knew if they headed back towards Betazed to share their information on what was happening on the planet, Starfleet would stop them and take Deanna back. But maybe once she shared her story they'd listen. But Will knew that Starfleet was big on protocol and wanted to keep good relations with the planet. They might insist on an investigation, but they would still return Deanna. No, that simply was not an option for him.

A couple more weeks went by and Will realized they were running low on the crystals needed to power the ship. He thought about contacting Section 31 for help, or maybe the Ferengi to smuggle some crystals to them, or maybe even hunting down his brother Tom who had been a member of Section 31 at one point. He realized for the first time that Luwaxana hadn't batted an eyelash about him not returning Deanna and had encouraged him to not do so. "I bet she sensed Deanna's thoughts about what she had been through" he surmised. He was eternally grateful that Luwaxana Troi trusted him. One night after Deanna had gone to bed, she began to have a dream. Her mother had come to her, and she knew her instantly. "Little One' she said. "It's safe to return." Deanna awoke with a start at the vividness of the dream. "Computer, lights" she said out loud. She was sweating and trembling but didn't know why. After awhile she went back to sleep and forgot about it the next day. But then she began to have the dream with regular frequency, and then it came to her every night. Frustrated, she decided to report it to Will. "Come" Will said as the chime rang on his quarters. The doors slid open and Deanna stood there, looking beautiful in a curve-hugging sky-blue sheath, her hair in soft curls all around her shoulders. Will couldn't help but stare. "Will, why are you looking at me like that?" Deanna asked, sensing his attraction to her. Will's cheeks turned slightly red as he quickly looked away. "You just look beautiful, Dee, that's all" he replied. She smiled and walked in and took a seat across from him. "What's on your mind?" he asked. "Well" Deanna shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "For the past several days I've been having this dream over and over every night. It's always the same. My mother comes to me and says it's safe to return." Will's eyesbrows shot up. "Is that all she says?" he asked. Then he thought of something. "What does she call you?" "That's what's so strange" Deanna said. "She calls me Little one". Deanna had not remembered that nickname. "Deanna!" Will exclaimed as he jumped out of his chair and took her hand. "I think your mother's trying to contact you telepathically. I can't believe she could do it at this distance but I wouldn't put anything past Luwaxana Troi at this point!" Deanna cocked her head. "Contact me?" she asked. Will sat back down and remembered there were so many things closed off in Deanna's brain. "Remember when you first came on board and you could hear me in your mind? He asked. "yes" Deanna replied. "Well, you and your mother can communicate that way." "You mean I'm telepathic?" she asked, surprised. "More like empathic, but you're telepathic with your mother and me". He replied. "Why you?" she asked. "Well, like I said, we're close" he replied but continued quickly to divert her. "Deanna, I want you to open your mind as soon as you hear her and try to communicate with her. Try to ask her if you're really safe and find out what's going on." Deanna nodded her head, but this all seemed so foreign to her. She had a vague memory of her mother but no memory of telepathic communication. "Alright" she replied. "I'll report back if I hear anything more." That night as she lay sleeping she heard her mother's voice. "Little One?" She focused as hard as she could, even in her dreamlike state and tried to speak to this woman. "Yes mother. I'm here". "Oh thank god, little one! You can hear me!" Deanna began to feel the warmth of her mother's love. "Am I really safe, mother? Can we come home?" she asked. "Yes, little one. Admiral Hodge has been apprehended and Starfleet now realizes why Will wouldn't return you. Please come home, dear. And tell William he has my eternal gratitude." Deanna awoke again with a start. Sweat was now pouring down her face and her body shuddered at the sense of someone in her brain. "I have to tell Will" she thought as she threw back her covers and practically ran to his quarters in her nightgown. She rang the chime several times before he woke up enough to hear it and called for her to come. He was sitting on the edge of his bed in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes. "What is it honey?" he asked, looking at her blurrily. "I talked to her Will! My mother! She said Admiral Hodge had been apprehended and we're safe to come home. You've been exonerated by Starfleet!" Will had not seen Deanna this excited in a very long time. He couldn't help but laugh at her as he stood and automatically took her in his arms. They were practically jumping up and down as he squeezed her even tighter. "Oh Deanna! Home, finally! And we can get you to Betazed so they can help you regain your memory." Deanna's smile was as wide as the ocean as she looked up into his eyes. Something about this man simply made her heart sing. The twinkle in his eyes aroused her. She felt so very safe with him. Before she knew it she was reaching up to move a stray lock of hair out of his eyes. The feel of her fingers gently caressing across his forehead nearly drove Will wild. And then Deanna felt his longing for her in her body as she pressed up against him, breathless. Before he realized what he was doing, Will gently cupped her cheek in his hand and brought his lips down to hers. "_Imzadi_" she heard in her mind as his lips gently grazed across hers, causing her knees to feel weak. She began to tremble slightly as Will pressed his lips harder into hers and began to gently probe her with his tongue. She couldn't help but part her lips as he slid his tongue into her mouth and she gasped. Will groaned into her mind again "_Imzadi…Deanna_…" But all of a sudden she remembered being forced to stroke another man in another place. "Oh my god!" she yelled as she quickly pulled away from Will's mouth and covered her mouth with her hands. "Get away from me!" she cried as she turned and ran out the door. Will stood there, speechless, trying to catch his breath. He ran his hand over his face as he sighed. God, he wanted her so badly he could barely stand it. But she wasn't ready and he understood that. "I hope her mother can help her" was all he thought before he returned to his bed and fell asleep while planning their return in his mind.

Deanna was stunned. How could this man affect her so? This man that she thought of only as a friend, who supposedly thought of her only as a friend? Had he been lying to her? The word imzadi echoed over and over again in her mind. How did she know that word? Was it something special that they were to each other? She avoided Will for the next several days until he cornered her after lunch one day. "Deanna, I'm sorry" Will offered. "I never should have done that." Deanna sighed and sat down, signaling for him to do the same. "I believe I started it" she said as she looked at him sheepishly. "And I'm glad you did. But I should have known you wouldn't be ready". Deanna was quiet for a moment and then she said "What's imzadi?" Will sat back in his chair, stroking his beard. "Are you sure you're ready to hear this?" he asked. She nodded her head. She may as well find out now as any other time. Will began to share their story again, but this time he included the part about them being in love, about them being imzadi. "I really came to Planet One to ask you to marry me and bring you back with me on the Aerhart" he admitted. Deanna just stared at him, trying to comprehend it all. She couldn't remember one single day of being involved with Will that way. "Will, I'm so sorry. I just don't remember any of it". Will looked down sadly but understood. "it's alright Deanna. It's important that you take care of yourself first and get yourself healed. You've been through a lot." Deanna looked sadly at Will. She wondered what it was like to emotionally lose the person you loved because of something completely out of your control. They sat and talked for a long while, still relishing each other's company. Then Will said "oh, and remember I told you about Worf?" he asked. "the man I was dating when you asked me out again" she replied. Will nodded. "Except that I didn't tell you that he was a Klingon". Deanna gasped. "What?! I was with….was with…..a _Klingon_?" he knew that would startle her and he laughed at the look of shock on her face. "That's what we all said" he grinned as he patted her lovingly on the knee.

A week later the Aerhart was hovering above Betazed. Lieutenant Mahr and Commander Truit had been beyond patient while awaiting to return home, only out of duty to their Captain. Admiral Nechyev briefed Captain Riker and took his report. "You did a good thing, Will. Deanna might not have made it if we'd returned her to that planet. None of us knew what was going on." "I'd do it for anyone" Will said, and he knew that was true, but all that much more for his Deanna. After they were done the Admiral walked out where Mahar, Leslie and Deanna were standing on the bridge. "Are you ready Deanna? Your mother is chomping at the bit to have you back". Deanna nodded. She was a little scared, not remembering much about her home, but she knew her mother's mind and it felt safe and warm. She said her goodbye to Mahar and hugged Leslie giving her thanks. Then she, the Admiral and Will walked to the transporter room. The Admiral stood to the side to give Will and Deanna some privacy, knowing of their history together. Will walked up and placed his hands on her shoulders, gently moving a curl of her hair back over her shoulder in the process. "I'm going to miss you, my imzadi. Please don't forget about me". Deanna felt an overwhelming sadness envelop her. As if she'd been here before, as if anytime she and Will had had to say goodbye it had torn at her heart. She very slowly stepped forward, wanting him to put his arms around her, wanting to bury her face in his chest. He did, and pulled her so tightly to him she could barely breathe. "_Imzadi_" he heard her beautiful voice in his mind, gulping at the feeling he had not felt in so long, tears stinging at his eyes. He inhaled the scent of her hair and kissed the top of her head once, twice, three times. Reluctantly she pulled away, as now they both had tears streaming down their faces. "I will remember you, Will, I promise". She said in barely a whisper as she stepped backwards up onto the transporter pad, never taking her eyes off him. Will did not know if this was the last time he would see her. He was so tired of saying goodbye to his love, he even briefly thought of resigning Starfleet so he could stay with her on Betazed. "My god, I've been here before" he thought. But before he could make that decision, the Admiral ordered the transport, and Deanna disappeared into a thousand white glitters.

Luwaxana was waiting at the transport station for her daughter. When she beamed into existence, Luwaxana could see the echoes of a broken heart etched into her expression. With tear-filled eyes she glanced around the room, not completely sure who she was looking for. She had felt and recognized her mother's essence, but did not remember what she looked like. "Little one" she heard inside her head as she turned to see Luwaxana walking towards her with a tender smile on her face. "Mother" Deanna said. Her mother sensed the confusion in her. "It's OK, Deanna, we have plenty of time to get to know one another again" Luwaxana said as she reached out her hand to her daughter. Deanna hesitantly took it, but immediately felt the warmth and safety of a mother's love. Then she began to cry as her mother took her in her arms and held her, as she had wanted to do for so long. She opened her mind to Deanna and allowed all of Deanna's emotions, memories, and confusion to pour into her. Luwaxana gasped, but held her composure as she offered strength to Deanna through their link. After a few moments, Deanna relaxed visibly and took her mother's arm as they began to walk through the corridor. "I see you've met William again" Luwaxana smiled. Deanna shot her a look. "How do you know him?" she asked. "Oh, William and I go a long way back, dear. A long way."

Luwaxana explained all to Deanna over a cup of tea in the dining room of the Troi mansion. She filled her in on how she and Will had met and how things had ended up the way they had. "I can't imagine ever choosing Worf over Will" Deanna lamented. Luwaxana chuckled and nodded her head. "You and Will are Imzadi, little one. You'll find your way back to each other." Deanna smiled. Then she said "tell me about us, mother. I don't remember anything." They spent the next several hours catching up and laughing, Deanna meeting Mr. Homm again and getting to know her childhood home. Every now and then brief flashes of memory would come to her of her mother or Will, but along with that came the memories of her captivity, her being brutalized, so she shut them out. Luwaxana had one of the highest esteemed psychologists on Betazed come and spend some time with them. Deanna knew she had a lot of healing to do and wasn't looking forward to it. After a medical doctor determined there hadn't been any brain damage, she and Dr. Havra began their sessions. After a week's time of retrieving some of the memories, Deanna vaguely recollected that Fran and Shandy had brought her to the headquarters and transported her up to Will's ship. When she first realized this she ran into the living room where her mother sat reading. "Mother! Tell me what happened to the refugees from Planet One. Did anyone survive? Were they moved to another planet?" Deanna was desperate in her tone. Luwaxana put down her book and sighed, motioning for Deanna to come and sit down. "It was a battle, Deanna" she began. "When the men of the planet heard they had been found out and Starfleet was coming to make arrests, they began to take it out on their wives and some of the women were killed. Others were maimed or tortured". Deanna cringed when she heard that, but Luwaxana continued. "A few of the more fortunate women with reasonable husbands were transported over to our planet. Some of them are still living here." Deanna's eyes grew wide with hope. Then they filled with anger. "And what of Admiral Hoach? He was in charge of the whole operation". Luwaxana looked down sadly for a moment. Then she said "they found him in his quarters, Deanna. He hanged himself." Deanna looked down. Luwaxana watched the play of emotions on her face, first relief, then sadness, then the anger returned. "Good" Deanna spat out as she turned and walked away. Luwaxana watched after her daughter with sadness. She wasn't the same Deanna that had gone to Planet One a year ago.

The next morning at breakfast Deanna asked again about the refugees, where they were, where she could find them. Luwaxana explained that they had settled on the other side of the planet near Lake Belwa, that they kept mostly to themselves and the Betazeds didn't see them often. Deanna said that she had to go and look for her friends, Luwaxana understood and ordered her a transport that afternoon. "It'll be a two day journey, Little One" she said as she handed Deanna a basket of goodies and reading materials to keep her occupied. "Thank you mother" Deanna said as she kissed her on the cheek and turned to go. Luwaxana couldn't help but feel sadness at her daughter leaving again, but this time she knew she was safe, this time she knew she'd be coming back.

On the shuttle Deanna rifled through the basket her mother had given her. There was dried oskoid and uttaberry muffins, a padd, and a few little pieces of folded paper, something she hadn't seen in a long time. She settled down into her chair where she would be spending the next two days and took a bite of muffin. Oh, it tasted so good. She had forgotten how good uttaberries tasted. She picked up the padd and activated it, finding various Betazed stories and article archives. She quickly panned through but nothing held her interest at the moment. She lay the padd down, and looked curiously at the little folded pieces of paper. While chewing a bite of muffin she picked the first one up and unfolded it to see what was inside. She found a little note scribbled in her native Betazoid language. "My dearest Deedee" it began. "You are now five years old and you are the light of my life. I was so overcome with emotion at your transcending ceremony last night that I felt I had to write it down. I am so proud of you Deedee, you are the perfect little girl. Your mother and I could not have asked for a better gift. I will love you all of my days and for the rest of my life. Please never forget that. Love, Father." Deanna dropped the hand holding the note down into her lap and felt a flood of memories come over her. She remembered her dad giving her the note and telling her to keep it in a special box to read when she got older. He folded it up for her and placed it in her delicate hand, then pointed to a beautiful blue velvet box on the table that he had bought especially for her. Deanna shrieked and ran excitedly over to it, touching the soft fabric and gingerly lifting it open. She placed the little note down into the center of it, handling it as if it was a rare treasure, then she closed the lid gently and looked up at her father. "Good girl, little Deedee" he said with so much love in his voice as she ran up to him and he scooped her up into his arms as she squealed with glee. Then, as if in a series of movies, another memory flooded Deanna's mind. The chime ringing on the front door to their home. Mr. Homm answering it with her mother not far behind. A small peek of a Starfleet uniform on the two men who were standing there and soft words being spoken. Silence. Then a wail erupting from deep within her mother, the likes of which she had never heard before. It had terrified her and she ran up to her room and hid under the covers as she still could hear her mother wailing and sobbing loud into the night. Deanna trembled in the chair on the shuttle, as her chest began to shake and tears began to stream down her face. The memory she had never wanted to relive, she was reliving now. The memory of her father's death. It cut through her like a knife, and opened a piece of her heart that had been shut down on Planet One.

Deanna slept fitfully that night. The emotions she was feeling and the discomfort of sleeping in a chair took its toll on her. She was up in the early hours of the morning, longing to arrive at Lake Belwa. But it would be another whole day. She looked down at her basket, fingering the other two neatly folded notes. She was too afraid to read them for what they might contain. Her mother had obviously packed them to help her with her memory. But it was painful to have all these things opened up again. Five hours later, bleary-eyed and unable to resist any longer, Deanna picked up the second note. She paused and took in a breath. Then she opened it. "Dearest Little One, I am writing you this note to keep in your blue velvet box that your father had given you. When you are older and can understand, you can read it. It's about something that has been much too painful for me to share with you. It happened when you were very young. I've so much wanted to tell you, my little one, but every time I try, I can't get the words out. I realize that my brain and my heart are beginning to bury it deep within my subconscious, which is why I wanted to write it down." Deanna continued reading about the night her older sister, Kestra, had drowned. The horror of it, how her parents had blamed themselves, her mother's guilt at not telling her. Then the memory of Deanna helping her mother heal in her mind of the memory through telepathy, when her mother was on board the Enterprise. Deanna gasped as she remembered for the first time since returning from Planet One that she had a sister. Many of her memories of growing up were now coming back to her. It was as if a door had been opened, and she was remembering who she was. The next several hours passed quickly as Deanna allowed the memories to come to her. It wasn't long before she fell into a deep sleep, her body and brain exhausted. The next day she awoke, and after checking on the time realized she had slept for a full ten hours. It had felt good. Now there were only two more hours until she arrived at Lake Belwa. She had finished all the food in her basket and was looking forward to getting a bite to eat once she landed. She looked down into her empty basket, save for a padd and one last little note. She had tucked the other two notes in her shirt pocket, to keep them close to her heart. She stared into the basket for several minutes. Did she really want to know what was in that note? Was it worth the risk? The other two notes had been so painful, but they did bring so much of her memory back. Deanna picked up the note between her finger and thumb, as if it were poisonous. She set the basket on the floor, then stared at the note for a few more minutes. Finally she sighed and began to unfold it. Once she had it completely undone, she smoothed it out and held it up to read it. "Dear Little One, I know how very upset I was that you didn't want to take your special box with you when you joined the Enterprise, that you said you were leaving your old life behind to start something new. I was angry with you, and I'm sorry. To be honest, I did understand it, after all you'd been through. And when you sent me this message from the ship because it was far too agonizing for you to keep, I kept it for you and wrote it down to add to your special box. Mark my words, Deanna, the day will come when this note will mean more to you than anything. And when you're ready, you'll read it again, and you will be glad it wasn't thrown away." Deanna had no memory of sending a note to her mother from the Enterprise, she was curious as to what it could be so she continued reading. "Dear Imzadi, I have been sitting here thinking about you all day. In fact, it's the only thing I have been doing. I can't stop thinking about you. I never stopped loving you, Dee. I was an idiot to choose my career over you, to leave you alone waiting for me on Risa, to hide myself away like that. It was easier to follow a job than to be in such a deep connected love like we had, I thought I'd be able to forget about you, to go on with my career, to become the youngest to ever reach captain. I was wrong. When I saw you again, here on the ship, I knew I couldn't hide from it anymore. God, Dee, the way my breath caught in my throat to hear you in my mind again asking if I remembered what you'd taught me, to want to grab you and hold you in my arms and never let you go, career be damned. In that moment I would have given up everything I'd achieved, everything I'd accomplished, just to be with you again. I knew in a second that I had made the wrong choice and that it was too late. Is it too late for us Dee? I know you said that it wouldn't be wise while we're serving on the same ship, but Deanna, I would decrease my duties or find a way if it meant we could have another chance. I know you don't trust me now, but I swear to god, this is the truth. Please, Imzadi, say you'll give me another chance. Say we can be together again. I will do whatever it takes. All my love, Will." Deanna sat there for a moment as her fist slowly closed around the paper, crumpling it into a little ball, and dropping it to the floor. Rage built up within her as she remembered…the love affair they'd had, their bonding into imzadi, his leaving for the Potemkin, asking her to marry him and join him in six months on Risa and his never showing up. How very long it had taken her to get over her imzadi, pain as sharp as a shard of glass lodging itself into her very soul. That shard was still there when she'd unexpectedly found him serving on the very same ship she was. When she found she could still send to him and he could still hear her. When he had gently stroked her hair and caressed her face in his quarters after the poker game, asking her if she still thought about them. When he'd kissed her, fire as hot as an inferno burning in her heart and mind. Had she still thought about them? Of course she had! She had never stopped! But at that time, in that moment, the wound was too great. She could not open her heart to him again. She told him no.

Deanna sat staring straight ahead for what felt like an eternity. All the memories of her and Will cascading down from mind to heart. She thought of how she had so fallen for him on the Aerhart when she had no memory of them. How she had, for one insane moment, chosen Worf over him. How she had shattered into a million pieces when he left to take his own ship. All the things her mother had told her of him was now becoming a reality in her heart. And the letter, oh the letter. She had fumed with rage that he could try to pursue her like that, with so little understanding of what the imzadi bond was and what happened to her when it had been broken. No wonder she had forwarded it to her mother, never wanting to acknowledge it, wanting only a friendship with Will. She was protecting her heart. But what now? Will was obviously still in love with her, somewhere in the galaxy. But where was her heart? It had been shaken to its core, and now that her memory was back, after all she had been through, could she ever love again? The trauma and the fear, the nightmares that came to her by night and the panic attacks that came to her by day, kept her heart at bay. "Oh, _Imzadi_" she whispered, as a tear slowly slipped down her face and onto the floor, landing on the crumpled note that had landed there.

Will had been inconsolable since Deanna had left. Never had the idea of being Captain felt so empty. Oh, he certainly loved the job, the challenge, the prestige. But it meant so little without his sweet imzadi by his side. His crew had tried to lighten his mood, Leslie in particular. Captain Rola had finally convinced him to go out with her since he was completely sure Will would never see Deanna again. But to Will, Leslie felt like a sister. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't muster up the feelings for her because they were so far away from what he felt for Deanna. He didn't know if he could ever get over her. He wasn't sure he wanted to. His crew took to calling him "Halfman" since he seemed to be only half a man without her. At first it made him cringe, but as he resigned himself to his fate, he began to joke with them about being a lifelong bachelor, except without all the fun. In time, he figured the pain would lessen, but he knew he'd never be the same. He'd lost the best gift he'd been given in this life, and it was his own fault. It was something he'd have to live with forever.

Deanna arrived at Lake Belwa and stepped out into the most beautiful air she had ever inhaled. The cool deep lake kept the temperatures even, and the mist surrounding it kept the humidity just right. The greenery was lush around it, as the quaint cottages dotted the hill beside it. If there was ever a gentle place to house refugees from that god-awful planet, this was it. Deanna headed towards the town registry to see if she could locate Fran and Shandy. Once inside the building she saw others pouring over pads looking for loved ones they hoped were still alive. There was a sadness to the room, as some left defeated, not finding the names they were looking for. Deanna picked up one of the pads and began to go through the instructions to reach the list of names. Once there, she scanned down until she reached the F's. The refugees were listed by first name, as some of the women did not want to keep the last name of their "husbands" and had not yet decided on a new name, wanted to start over in life as someone "new". "There it is!" Deanna exclaimed as she smiled widely. Fran Brousod. There was her name and address, as well as her husband's. Deanna quickly ran outside and hailed a shuttle to take her to Fran's cottage. When the shuttle arrived, Deanna jumped off and ran up to the front door, ringing the chime. When a man answered Deanna began to ask if Fran was there, but before she could finish Fran came running to the door. "Deanna! Dear! Is it really you?" She pushed back her husband and grabbed Deanna by the shoulders to look at her. Deanna grinned from ear to ear and shook her head, giggling. "Yes, it really is me, Fran." The two women grabbed each other and hugged tightly, clinging to each other, for what seemed an eternity, as Deanna began to cry. All the memories of her abuse came rushing towards her as Fran continued to hold her tightly. "Shhhh, dear. It's alright. You're safe now" Fran soothed in a soft tone. She held Deanna until her sobs stopped and she stepped away from Fran straightening her dress and composing herself. "My god, Fran, you're the one who saved me! You and Shandy!" At the mention of Shandy's name, Fran looked down, a frown creasing her face. Deanna immediately felt the pain. "She didn't make it, did she?" Deanna asked in a soft voice. "No, dear. She didn't. Her husband beat her so hard when he knew the Federation was coming that she never had a chance." Deanna's breath caught in her throat as she began to cry again, the grief of her friend's death overwhelming her. Fran gently placed and arm around her shoulder and led her into their living quarters, her husband disappearing, understanding their need for some privacy. Together they talked, grieved, and caught up with each other, hours passing before either realized what time it was. "My goodness, dear, it's nearly midnight!" Fran exclaimed. "You'll stay here tonight! With us. I won't even hear of any other plan." Deanna didn't protest, all of the grief and memories and crying from the past couple days had worn her body out. "Fran" she said. "Do you by any chance have an old-fashioned bathtub? I could really use a hot bath right now." Fran smiled a wide grin. "Oh my love" she cooed. "I can do ya one better."

Deanna found herself in one of the most heavenly places she had ever known. In Fran's backyard, just down the hill slightly, were several hot springs, pools, that came up from the ground, then cascaded down in waterfalls into the lake. They were hot and steamy, with mineral-laced silky water and lush foliage all around. It was a paradise. Deanna was in the largest pool, unclothed, and luxuriating in the warm water. It felt so good to her skin and to her soul. She inhaled the steam deeply, clearing out her lungs and her thoughts. Then she lay her head back on the edge as the water swirled over her body. She thought over the past several days and all the changes in her heart and mind as she was beginning to heal. She thought over her and Fran's conversation, one thing in particular that had stood out to her, after she had shared her story of Will. "My dear" Fran had said sweetly. "If there's one thing I've learned from all of this, all of what we went through, and from Shandy's death, it's that time is short and we never know where life will take us. Risk is a part of life. Risking your heart even more so. If this man really loves you as much as he seems to, I'd sure give him a second chance. You may find that the love he gives you now is beyond what you ever imagined or dreamed of. And if you don't, well, you pick up your heart and move on. But I sure wouldn't take a chance of losing that opportunity." Deanna thought of Will on the day she beamed down to Betazed from the Aerhart. She thought of the anguish on his face at losing her again, the clenching of his fists in resistance to the inevitable, the shattering of his heart that she felt as if it were her own. She thought of the love she felt for him, always felt for him, that had been locked away for so long now. She wondered where he was, and if he still felt the same about her.

Things around the Troi household were getting back to normal. It had been a year, and thanks to Luwaxana's notes and some intense therapy from her counselor, Deanna's healing had been nothing short of miraculous. Oh, there was still the occasional nightmare or trigger that could send her into anxiety, but for the most part, she was back to living her life, and enjoying it. One day Luwaxana found her out in the garden behind their home. She was sitting on the bench under the uttaberry tree, staring off into the distance, deep in thought. Luwaxana came and sat beside her. "Little one, what is it? You've been out here for hours." Deanna smiled and looked over to her mother, so thankful for her presence in her life, for regaining their relationship, and patted her hand. "I've just been thinking about my life, mother. Now that I'm doing better, I'd like to look for a counseling position again. Maybe at Starfleet Academy at first, and once I've gotten back on track, then I could apply to a spaceship." Luwaxana patted Deanna's shoulder. "Of course, dear. I knew the day would come when the stars would take you away again." Deanna opened her mouth to protest, when Luwaxana said "It's OK, dear. It doesn't bother me. Your life has always been in the stars." Deanna smiled and leaned against her mother's shoulder. They sat in silence for a few moments, then Luwaxana said "Yes, I do believe his ship could use a counselor". "Mother!" Deanna exclaimed. "Did you just read my mind without my permission?" Luwaxana tilted her head back and laughed. "Yes, but it wouldn't take much to see you're pining away for him. It's that look in your eyes that you always had for him." Deanna laughed, and then grew serious. "Do you think he still thinks about me?" "I know he does." "How do you know?" "I just do, dear. I just do."

A few days later Deanna sent her application to Starfleet Headquarters for a position there in counseling. Then she approached the computer terminal in their home. "Computer, locate the Federation starship Aerhart." "The Aerhart is in the Darton Sector." The computer intoned. "Is that within communications range?" Deanna asked. "The Aerhart is not within communication range. It will not be again for another year." Deanna's heart sank. She had tossed and turned all night toying with the idea of contacting Will. Of telling him how she felt, how she missed him, wanted to be with him again. She knew Fran's words were true. And somewhere deep down inside, she knew how deeply Will loved her. She was ready to take the chance now. But now he would not be back for a year. Deanna was devastated. In a year he most likely would have met someone else. Now there was no hope. As she sat at the dinner table, disheartened and barely picking at her food, Luwaxana spoke up. "Little One, what is it? Why are you so forlorn?" Deanna looked up and opened her mind to her mother, allowing her to read it. She didn't feel like voicing it out loud. "Oh, Deanna" her mother responded. Subspace communication isn't the only way to contact him. Really, you'd think a Daughter of the Fifth House would have figured that out by now." Deanna scrunched her eyebrows and looked at her mother. What was she talking about? Deanna telepathically sending a message from this distance, across the galaxies, to another sector? Impossible! Even Imzadi couldn't do that. Or could they? Was it something special to do with she and Will?" But before she could ask her mother, Luwaxana stated she was going to a meeting in town and wouldn't be back until late.

Deanna lay in bed looking up at the ceiling. Should she try contacting Will through their link? She supposed it couldn't hurt. But it seemed so ridiculously impossible she wouldn't even know where to start. "Start with the love you feel for him, little one" she heard in her head. "Mother!" she cried, but secretly smiled to herself. She took in a deep breath and tried to relax. She formulated the message she would send, it would be risky. Then she began to turn inward and focus on her love for him, their love, their bond. She opened her heart to all they had meant to each other as both lovers and friends, she filled her soul with the longing she had to be close to him again, to feel his gentle touch, and his blazing love. From her head to her toes she let it consume her, she opened her heart further until all reality faded away and there was nothing but love. Then she began. She filled her mind with him, his face, his essence. She reached out for his soul, she used every cell in her body to reach him. She strained with all her might, and using every ounce of her strength, every bit of her concentration, she reached out to touch his mind. And in a moment, in the tiniest of a split second, she felt him. She felt the exotic touch of his mind, the essence that was only him. And in that split-second when time stood still, in a moment that would soon be gone forever, she sent to him.

Captain William T. Riker was alone in his quarters, nursing a glass of syntheholic wine. He was going over some crew evaluations his first officer wanted an opinion on. He stopped momentarily to take another sip. All of a sudden he felt a strange sensation. A tingling in the back of his mind. There was only one person who could create that feeling, and she was light years away, far too distant to be sending to him. But he hoped, he fantasized that it was her. As he leaned back in his chair to savor the sensation, suddenly a voice spoke to him. A voice as sweet and melodic as a summer breeze. A voice that caused all of his senses to stand at attention. A voice he'd been waiting for a very long time to hear. And it was a message simple and sweet. A message from a heart that was galaxies away. A message that simply said: "_Imzadi…..please come home_."

The shock sent Will's head snapping backward and his chair falling to the ground. With a loud thud he hit the floor, and scrambled quickly and clumsily to get to his feet. He looked frantically around the room as if he would find her, standing there, speaking to him. "Imzadi?" he asked into the air. But no answer came back. He scratched his head a couple of times and ran his hand through his beard. Had she really contacted him? From Betazed? He knew she was in her healing process and that Luwaxana and her therapist would not let her leave, so she must be there. But Betazed was several sectors away. She'd never sent that far, he didn't think it was possible. But he'd heard it. By god, he'd heard it. And he knew, he knew beyond a shadow of any doubt, that it was _her_, the woman who held his soul in the palm of her hand. And though he was aware Betazed wasn't technically his home, anywhere she was was home to him, and she was calling him back to her. Calling him home. "oh my god" he whispered as he looked around the room once more, just for good measure, then ran his hands through his hair, perspiration forming on his brow. "_Deanna_" he whispered as he tried desperately to calm his thoughts that were spinning through his mind. He just kept looking around the room, not knowing what to do, feeling so flummoxed and on the edge of being out of control. "Deanna! Baby, I'm coming!" he suddenly yelled at the top of his lungs as he threw his head back and threw out his arms. Two crew members who had been walking by his cabin gave each other curious looks. Will swung around back towards the computer and sat down so quickly the chair fell over again, sending him crashing to the ground again. He stumbled to get up again, and then, on his knees, punched in the codes to his terminal on the special line. Within minutes, Admiral Benson's face appeared on screen.

"Will! It's good to hear from you! What's going on? You look a little rough around the edges." Will ran his fingers through his hair that was now standing on end and tried to catch his breath. "Just a little worn out, I guess Admiral" Will lied. "But I do have an urgent request for you." "what can I do for Will?" the admiral asked. "I'd like to take an extended leave of absence, sir" Will stated. The Admiral's eyebrows rose. "May I ask why?" he queried. Will thought for a moment, his mind still scrambling. "It's for personal reasons. But it's very important." The Admiral thought for a moment, his brow furrowed. "Will, I'm sorry. I can't grant you that. The mission you are on is very important. You and your crew are still relatively new, I can't have you leaving them for an extended period." Will's face fell. The admiral could see how upset he was. "I'm sorry Will. If there were any other way." The admiral added softly. "Yes, sir" Will replied as he closed the transmission. He didn't know what to do. It was déjà vu all over again. He was faced with a choice, his career or Deanna. But hadn't he already made that choice? Hadn't he told her a long time ago that he would do anything to win back her trust and be with her again? And he meant it. The choice was simple, the decision already made.

It was the middle of the night when Will rang the chime to Leslie's quarters. He had to ring it three times before he heard a sleepy voice say "Come". He walked in to see Leslie sitting up on her bed, still bleary-eyed from just having woken up. "What can I do for you.,.." she had to stifle a yawn…"sir?" Will walked in, exuberant. "I'm giving you a promotion, Commander" he said, excitedly. "A wa…what?" she replied. "A promotion! I hereby promote you to Captain of the Aerhart. And then you will send in a recommendation for court-marital". "Court-marital? For whom?" she asked, still trying to make sense of it all. "For me!" he replied. "I'm stealing a shuttle tonight and heading for Betazed, against direct orders from my superior". Leslie took a moment to compose herself and get her bearings. Then she exclaimed "Will, have you lost your mind?" "More like my soul" he replied. "I lost it to my imzadi." "Oh my god, her again" Leslie said as she rolled her eyes. "Can't you just forget about her for one night? Or are you sleepwalking?" Leslie blew out a puff of air. She didn't like being woken in the middle of the night for such nonsense. But Will was undeterred. "Les, I heard her. _In my_ _mind_. All the way out here. She wants me to come back!" Leslie sat there dumbfounded for a moment. She could tell that Will believed what he was saying. He really had lost his mind. "Captain, perhaps you should go back to bed" Leslie said as gently as she could, so as not to come across insubordinate. Will reached behind him and picked up a large duffle bag, Starfleet issue. "Nope" he said. "I'm leaving now. Captain Leslie Truitt, you have the ship. I stand relieved." And with that he turned and went out the door, Leslie had never seen him walk so urgently. She was stunned. She sat there for a few more minutes, then contacted the bridge. "Commander Truitt to the bridge." "go ahead Commander" Tukaro's voice came back. "Is anyone in the shuttlebay?" Before he could answer, Leslie heard Mahar's voice over the comm. "Sir, someone has powered up the shuttle in Bay 2 and is preparing to leave the ship!" But before Tukaro could even turn around, Mahar had informed him that the shuttle had cleared the bay doors and was heading out into space, warp nine. It was too late for a tractor beam. "Hail them!" Tukaro yelled as Mahar attempted to hail the leaving shuttle. "There is no response, sir" Mahar replied. There was only one person that could power up a shuttle and pilot it out that quickly and accurately Tukaro thought. "It's Will" Leslie's voice came ominously over the comm.

Will was shaking with nervous excitement. He'd never done anything like this before. A consummate Starfleet officer, breaking the rules in this way as a captain and against his Admiral's orders wasn't even in his blood. Until now. He had learned over the years that there was one thing more important than getting ahead. One thing more important than a job, a home, being captain, winning wars. When he came to the end of his life he didn't want to say he'd been great at his job winning awards and accolades, but led a lonely existence. All he wanted to say, all he wanted to know, was that he had loved his Imzadi. He had loved her hard, and he had loved her well. Will settled back into his chair. It would be two whole weeks before he got there, but by god he was going to be there. He would never leave her waiting again.

Deanna opened her screen to find the message from Starfleet headquarters. She had been accepted! She was to report in one week to her new job, as counselor, second in command at Headquarters. It would be hard for her to play second to someone that she had trained, but this was where she needed to start. Things could only get better from here. She sighed heavily, thinking of Will and how she had tried to contact him. She assumed she had failed. There was no response from him, no sense in her that she had gotten through. For all she knew he had heard her, but was in love with someone else so did not respond. A small tear slid down Deanna's cheek. After all this, after all she had been through, to lose Will too. It was almost more than she could bear. One week later, with a heavy heart, she packed her bags and took the next transport back to earth, where she would begin her new life. Luwaxana and Mr. Homm both had tears in their eyes, but Deanna could've sworn that she also saw a gleam in her mother's eyes, as if she knew something. "You'll do well little one. Your life has almost come full circle" she had said.

The first week was hard for Deanna. She was homesick, and her case load was full to the brim. She didn't have time to do much except work and sleep. The second week was slightly better, but she was still exhausted. She met with her superior, and they discussed strategies for her to keep balanced, to not regress into the anxiety she had experienced in the last couple years. "Hang in there Deanna, it gets better" she had said. By the end of the week she was spent, and wondered if it really would calm down. So many people with so many needs. She closed all of her padds and turned off the light to her office. It was Friday night and she was going to stop by the cantina and get a drink before going home. She needed to relax and catch her breath. She walked in and didn't see anyone she knew, so she went and sat in a corner by the window. She stared out the window for awhile. The bar was busy and it would take the waiter a while to get to her. She stared at the stars and wondered about her life. She thought of all her friends, Jean-Luc, Beverly, Worf….Will. She thought about how her life had come to this. In the middle of her revelry, the waiter came over and interrupted her. "pardon me miss, but the gentleman at the bar sent you this." He set down a sumarian sunset on her table. She wondered how anyone could know that was her favorite drink. "he wanted me to tell you that your beauty completely stole his breath away." Deanna sighed and pushed the drink back towards the waiter. "Please tell him thank you, but I'm not interested." She said. "Are you sure?" her waiter said. "He seems to be quite handsome, and seems to be a rather classy gentleman." She could tell the waiter was rooting for this man, so she looked over to the bar to see who it was. She scanned the two faces that were sitting there, far too old for her, and then she caught a glimpse of a gentleman getting up off his stool and heading out the door. She stopped breathing. She knew that walk, that hair, that body. She instantly stood from the table, ignoring her waiter, and followed the man outside. The faster he walked, the faster she did. He continued down the pathway to a small courtyard where a lighted fountain was dancing in the night and the flowers sent a heavenly smell into the air. It was empty, save for a squirrel digging up nuts for his supper. The splashing water was all that could be heard as the man stopped on the path just past the fountain, a smile slowly forming on his face. Deanna's heart beat furiously inside of her chest. Could it be? Or was she just hallucinating? Had she already had a drink? She couldn't remember. All she knew was that her head was spinning and her body was trembling. She stopped, staring at his back, barely able to see him in the night. "He-hello?" she said nervously into the air. "I don't mean to be rude, but…" at that the man began to turn around. He had heard her. He was turning to face her. God, she thought she was going to die. Her heart was beating so hard she thought he must be able to hear it. Her breath was coming in short quick gasps. As his face came fully around to face her, she squinted in the dark. Could it be? Was it him? Just then he took a step closer, and a smile, a smile she knew like the back of her hand, a smile that had lit a thousand fires inside her soul so many times for so many years, was there on his gorgeous face. He continued to step towards her, his face becoming clearer and clearer in the night. Deanna was frozen. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. She couldn't even get out his name. "_Imzadi_" his deep voice whispered into the night as he closed the gap between them, his hand reaching out to gently caress the side of her face. Still, she said nothing, her mouth hanging slightly open, her eyes wide. He drew his fingers down her cheek and lightly over her lips, studying every part of her face with his eyes. It had been so long. Then he drew his fingers back up into her hair, threading her hair through his fingers, feeling its softness and inhaling its scent. Deanna trembled at his touch. Her eyes simply could not believe he was here. He looked down at her and smiled. "It's OK Imzadi" he whispered as he drew closer. "It's really me. I'm really here. This time, forever." He clasped the back of her neck with his hand and slowly drew her to him. She was like putty in his hands. Her eyes never left his as their lips drew closer, his hot breath warming her like a fire. When their lips met, Deanna's heart leapt in her chest so strongly that her body jolted, and Will pulled back laughing. "Did you miss me imzadi?" he teased her as he drew her close again with his hand. Deanna finally found the wherewithal to speak. "yes" was all she said. Will's lips were on hers in an instant and their bond exploded inside them. He kissed her passionately, fervently, as she responded. She tilted her head back further and gently opened her lips. Will's tongue slid in instantly as he groaned and Deanna gasped. She was so willing, so trusting, that Will's heart practically burst open with all the love he had for her. Then he tried what he hadn't done for an eternity. He reached out as best as he could remember, and sought out her mind. It didn't take long before he found it, the probing sensation causing her head to snap back and her mouth to open further in surprise. He kissed her deeper, harder, pouring into her all the fire he felt, as he sent to her… "_Imzadi. I'm home_."

Neither Will nor Deanna knew how long they had been standing there kissing when they finally broke apart. They were both so breathless, so trembling, that Will had to take her hand and they helped each other over to a bench to sit down. He continued to hold her hand as they sat there trying to regain their composure. When their breathing had settled, Will was the first to speak. "Counseling planetside at Starfleet headquarters? Really Dee?" Deanna snorted as she faced him, laughing. "After everything, all we've been through, and here we are, and that's all you can say? Really Imzadi?" Will grinned from ear to ear as he took her face in his hands and looked at her again. "So beautiful" he said softly. Deanna blushed slightly and found it hard to hold his gaze. He took her chin with one of his fingers and gently lifted it so she was looking him in the eye. "I know we have a lot to work through, baby, and it's going to take some time. I know in some ways you're still vulnerable from your experience on the planet and trust will have to be built. But I'm here, and that's what I intend to do." Deanna's eyes welled with tears. "You heard me" she whispered. "Yes I did" he replied. "How did you find me? What about your ship? You were so far away" Deanna had a million questions. Will tilted his head to the side and ran his fingers down along her cheek again. "Well, let's just say that you'll never have to doubt again whether my career is more important to me than you" he chuckled. Then he leaned in to kiss her on the nose. He pulled back and studied her face again. "I just can't get enough of you" he said. They sat there well into the night, staring into each other's eyes, caressing each other's faces, all illuminated by only the light from the fountain. Will had to run his fingers through her hair over and over again, just to relish the feel of it one more time. She gently ran her fingers over his beard and up behind his ear, kissing him softly again and again. Their love for each other, so long buried, had bloomed again, quickly and easily in one night. If he could have taken her inside himself to hold her that closely, he would have. He loved this woman. He loved her more than he could have ever imagined he could love a woman. And now there was a chance to finally be with her. He wouldn't blow it this time. "Will?" she had said after he had held her in his arms for some time. "Yes love?" he replied. "Did you just get yourself into a huge load of trouble?" she asked. "Yes, love, I did" he smiled.

_Epilogue_

Six weeks later William T. Riker and Deanna Troi were married in a chapel on the San Francisco Bay. Everyone was there, Luwaxana, Deanna's childhood friends, Fran and her husband, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Beverly, Data, Geordi, Worf. Even Will's dad came with Katherine Pulaski. It was such joyous time, and when they were pronounced husband and wife, there was not a dry eye in the place. Everyone knew all that they had been through, everyone knew the bond that they shared that would not let them go. Will's father and Jean-Luc Picard had gone to bat for him with Starfleet, as well as his crew on the Aerhart, and he was given a year probation with re-evaluation if he ever wanted to return to the Fleet. Admiral Hanson had a soft spot in his heart for imzadi, his cousin had met hers on Betazed. Deanna resigned from her job, deciding to take a year off with her husband so they both could recuperate and be alone together. They were moving to Alaska, to a house on the shoreline, not too far from his boyhood home. Will had explained to Deanna how when he had almost arrived at Betazed, her mother had sent to him, explained about Deanna's new job and re-routed him to earth. Deanna apologized to Will for choosing Worf over him, how, even though she respected and cared for Worf, she'd never really stopped loving Will. As they boarded the shuttle to head for Alaska, Captain Picard shook Will's hand vigorously and Beverly and Fran came up and gave Deanna huge hugs. Luwaxana stayed behind, waiting until everyone was finished. Then she sent to both of them, simultaneously, in their minds. "Never forget the incredible uniqueness of the bond you two share. It is unlike anything I have ever seen in all my years on Betazed. Now that you are finally together, your life will bloom in ways you never thought possible." Deanna's eyes welled up with tears for the umpteenth time that day as Will chuckled and kissed her head. They both waved to Luwaxana as they stepped into the shuttle to begin their new life together, both realizing the amazing blessing they had to have been given another chance at love.


End file.
